Posts tagged ‘School’

September 28, 2009

iljb#52: Language Should Never Be An Excuse

Working for XpresSpa has truly opened my eyes about differences, especially with language. As much as I sometimes don’t understand certain people at work, I still can get by with the little things they say. Doesn’t mean they’re stupid, doesn’t mean they don’t know, just means that they’re working harder than you are to explain themselves. If we look at it in the bigger picture, both are just trying their best to get whatever they need to across.

I feel so guilty, especially after my coworker helped me a lot tonight. My first impression about Selena was that she was rude or stuck up from my other coworker Pei. She told me that she doesn’t like Selena cause she gets all the commission. I’ve also heard from folks that Selena is always doing way too much. I caught myself tonight falling into their “gossip” about Selena. It wasn’t until tonight that I found out who the REAL Selena is…she is so much like me.

She kept on reiterating, “Just do your best.” I admired her so much tonight for the fact that she was proving her point, “doing her best”. She also forewarned me that DRAMA is not her thing, if folks want to put her name in their mouths, they’re gonna have to deal with her and only her personally. Even though she speaks broken english, I totally got what she meant. She is a hard working, after all, she has been working there for two years, she knows wassup. I feel bad because I had a totally wrong impression of her. She knows when to play and when to work. She taught me way better than Pei did last week. Thank God, cause now I feel more confident about the job and closing. Selena does her job well and I feel bad that I let language and “other people” help me judge her before I even got to know her.

I ended up thanking her and I kept on reminding myself that this is what I would want future employees to hear, the real story. I am also realizing that I am 23 and the rest of em are either 19-20 or older. I know wassup too…I just need to get used to the job.

I like this job, I really do. I’m happy here =].

I must say, even though today was hard…waking up at 6 and closing and arriving home at 12…its all worth it. I can do it. Even though I’m tired as hell…I know I got this. God has me on this one. Even though I got sick this past week, I know God got me.

He’s blessed me with school, family, 2 jobs, friends, and a wonderful companion that I am falling for real hard. =] I am truly lucky and grateful to be where I am right now. I am exactly where I’m supposed to be.

I am realizing small things, little things, create the bigger, and better picture of life.

On a side note, I need to keep reminding myself, my self worth. How wonderful and talented I am. I am amazing because God has blessed me so much. ‚̧

I am blessed…

PS. I love my picture for this blog…does not even relate LOL haha lighten up, life isn’t always so serious =].

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August 29, 2009

iljb#47: Rushing…

I feel like today was rushed to get to where I am today. I had work, did laundry, organized my life in between, and now awaiting my family to come and swoop me for dinner. I didn’t even eat all day because I’m waiting for dinner. (So bad). In any case, this rush is good. I feel this urge to make my first weeks the jump off of my whole year. It has just begun and I am already busy! I can’t hardly breathe haha. I’ve also been excited to do my hw – which is a first because I never ever feel excited to do hw. I just haven’t gotten a chance to peep at it because I have been lagging 2-4 hrs behind on schedule. But I’ll get there folks…it just takes time HA how ironic right?

I feel good today because I was able to pay off my best buy debt. Something I’ve been meaning to do for the last 2 years. I can’t believe it. I am stoked. I paid for it. Now I just hope my credit will be fine so I can actually get a REAL credit card. shoot. haha in addition, I was able to go to the dentist. =] Now all I need to do is get contacts and sign up for GRE. I am way more than enough money to handle myself this semester. I feel good because for the first time in awhile, I feel stable. I think its in part to the secret. DAMN secret really does work. =] I am grateful every day I wake up.

First thing I do when I wake up is acknowledge what I am grateful for and just thank everything for happening. I really do think this is why I have been so lucky these past weeks. I am so grateful for everything. Life, school, friends, family, my future ahead! I have been given this chance to make it big and I know I will be able to achieve anything if I just put my mind to it. IT is going to be a busy semester, but I know I am able to handle my own.

I work so damn hard to get where I am right now. It feels good to be where I am right now because with all the bad experiences I’ve had in the past year, all seem to be nothing but dust off my shoulder. I can lift my head up high and know that taking a risk, doing my best, and giving it my all is all that matters. Even when I’m down, I know theres a reason to be grateful. I do have those times, like recently, where I wish I had this and that, but I know that I am way blessed to have the things I have right now.

Because of faith, because of me, because of God – He is able to work his wonders through me. Could I have asked for a better birthday present? ha no.

On a side note.

Today at work I saw Jeff and his bf Anthony. It made me reminisce how I had a chance with Jeff, but couldn’t hang cause he obviously was not doing well in school. I tried no doubt, but it was just too complicated (haha a few months later he got with his current bf). Anthony, I’ve never really seen or met until recently. Never talked to him or whatever. But today just seeing Jeff and him – ugh made me jealous – like the fuck? YOU GUYS ARE HOT together haha. However, I reminded myself I hold my own pretty well and they aren’t at my level and I ain’t on theirs. Its all those could have, would have, man I wish I had…moments. He looked me straight in the eye to ask for water and I said to myself – damn you are grown – I remember you being so…lol I dunno even Ricardo and Ezra. The hell!?!?! haha I never really talked to Ricardo…and well Ezra haha. Its crazy how I will never understand their lifestyle, friendships, drama, or whatever because for me I know when I need to get the fuck out cause I ain’t having any of that. It made me say to myself, my man is coming. After all these great things happening to me, I know that he is coming too. ūüėõ

I don’t need to hope…cause I know. What a rush right?

I am in a point in my life where if you ain’t on point I will leave. I am in a point in my life where school is definitely a priority as well as my career. I am in a point in my life where I feel great about everything =] Things are doing great for me. I am doing fine.

mmmm I think I’m just overwhelmed haha

August 28, 2009

iljb#46: The Semester Begins…

I think this is an appropriate picture to describe this past week. I can’t believe it my senior year. I can’t believe all these great things have been happening to me. I can’t believe I am so blessed!

After taking the test for the job interview I had for SpaXpress I was worried if I was going to get the job. The lady said I’d get a call. Well I guess today was that call. At first I didn’t get a voicemail message just a missed call from someone. I texted the person back and I got a call back. I was at work, so I checked the message when I went on my break. There it was – the call. When I got interviewed the lady said I’d have to take a test, after that I’d get a call to move forward with the application, then I could start working. That is exactly what Anka, my new manager told me, she told me that I needed to come in on Monday and we’ll start the process.

You should have seen me in the back room, I was jumping and ecstatic. I wanted this job so bad because it was me – I know that this job was made for me. I mean fuck…it says JOAQUIN all over it! Anyway, thats that. I still can’t believe I got the job…I’m still in shock. This is definitely a big accomplishment for me. I feel so good. It feels so right.=]

Addition to the good news, school has begun and each of my classes have interested me to the point where I WANT to do hw. Its crazy. I know this wont be temporary because I really do enjoy the major and the topics presented. I honestly can’t wait to see what the future holds for me. Grad school is just a few months away! After that…its all history! =] I am so blessed. I am definitely blessed.

I was walking to class yesterday and I was stopped by a woman who had a clip board about prop 8. I decided to listen and in the end I ended up donating 58 dollars to the cause. That felt good to me.

On top of that, I’ve opened a couple of new banks so I can allocate my money. So far so good. My bills are paid on time + rent. Things are just wonderful.

The greatest story of this week, aside from my wonderful SoCalebration, is the fact that I was able to help my family financially. Its been long awaited, but the wait is finally over. In a few months …things will look once again bright for my family. Knowing that I was able to help push to that direction makes me complete and whole. I can only see good things for my family.

My mom told me a beautiful story. She told me that last Sunday she prayed to God to help the family financially because they were out of food and necessities. After church she bought a scratcher…she won $500. She told me she was about to cry because God heard her prayers. I am a firm believer in all this. God is good. God is great. All good things happen because God makes it.

I am grateful for my family, friends, job, car, life, finances, school, EVERYTHING and anything that makes all this possible…its crazy…

If I could make a video of all the blessing JUST this past week, you’d be a believer too. I am blessed. I am loved. I am happy =]

August 13, 2009

iljb#42: Getting shit done and out of the way

Simply put, I am hustling my way through August. I am so grateful however for all the opportunities thats this summer has offered to me. Many job opportunities (however many failed attempts), relationships (friends and significant wanna bes), quality time with family, and most importantly hanging out with the wonderful friends. I must say that this summer, regardless of the downside of things, has been the best yet that I have experienced. It feels so right, feels so good, it feels like I am where I am supposed to be.

Less than a week from now, I will be embarking on a trip down to SoCal and officially be free from being poor ūüėÄ haha hopefully fin. aid kicks in before we leave *CROSSES FINGERS*. You never can tell anymore due to budget cuts. Anywho, this whole trip and this upcoming year is just slowly creeping closer than I thought. A week ago I couldn’t believe it was August. Now we in mid August and I can’t believe my birthday is coming up!

Twenty friggin three. What an awesome number. Esp. since I will be turning 23 on the 23rd! ūüėÄ I love it. I can’t help but smile and be grateful for all the blessings that I have been bestowed in my life. Everyday is a blessing. Everyday I know that it will be a good day!

It would be nice if I had someone to share it with – but like I said in my recent video, I’m glad I’m single and I am happy. But you know, I can’t help but have those feelings of wanting someone. I think its just human nature to want/be with someone. We come in pairs in a way haha. I’m just assuring myself that once the semester kicks in I will bump into that wonderful guy that I have been thinking of.

It was nice to feel giddy at Intramura and seeing that guy. He was so fione! haha Ralph knows him, or I think he does since I checked facebook lol. *STALKER* okayy haha. But it was fun having a lil exciting added to the night. I won a balikbayan box LOL ugh I wished for it HAHA damnit! DAMN the secret.

On another side note, today I felt so productive because out of the list that I wrote down for today, I basically got over half of it done. I’m so proud of myself. I get shit done and out of the way mother fuckkass!

I just can’t wait till school starts and my real grind begins. I think this fall sem. will be my hardest in a long time. It will test me in so many ways that I’m scared, but more so excited and hopefully.

What will come will come. I just have to pray and know for the best =] …Tis all for this wonderful Thursday. Goodnight world.

November 6, 2008

relieved

Slowly, life seems to be getting back on track. I feel accomplished as though I really am focusing on school. Well DUH! So I am pleased with myself, I am slowly getting back in the groove of things. However, my troubles lie with work now. SIGH…I’m doing two jobs. But soon I’ll be out of the other. Lets get it right? LETS get it!

I want to thank the Lord for giving me the passion and the drive to overcome all this that I have these past few weeks. Although I might now have gone to church for a couple of weeks now =/, I know the Lord is guiding me every step of the way. I feel like hes making sure that I take the right steps to success each day I walk…and I thank him for that.

People are stupid when it comes to politics and youtube. People are sooo arrogant or naive when they spit whatever they need to on my youtube videos…it irritates the hell out of me. Please…if you have nothing good to say, don’t waste your time expressing em to me. Thanks…

Anyway, this night, this day…is only a beginning of what I can accomplish for tomorrow.

Happy about Obama. Sad about California.

November 2, 2008

RANTS

I’ll spend a few mins just typing out my thoughts, since thats the only way I get through stuff now a days…in my thoughts. Its crazy how theres so much information in my brain that it can create me not to function correctly cause theres so much clutter in there. Well heres my house cleaning.

Thank you Erwin for keeping up with my life and letting me know wassup. I haven’t gotten to text you back or nothing just cause I suck at getting back at people, but just know I really appreciate it. My thanks also go out to Kellz, Justin, and not so important. Thanks for leaving your love and feedback. ‚̧ They do help.¬†

My life right now…mmm how can I sum it up…unstable. There…cause I still feel like I don’t have a grasp of my life even after Friendship Games. I feel like I’m moving…my body is…but theres nothing in me thats really functioning. Its as if I’m a hallow body moving through life. Nothing too exciting has happened in my life, just bad luck on my end. When I got back from Friendship Games I found that I lost my debit card. A few days later I went to celebrate Ryans 21st and D&Bs and I lost my phone for an hour at that damn place. Luckily I was able to find it. Then a few days ago at work, these folks came in to give me a GRAND prize of going to vegas for only 50 dollars with some other free stuff included, but because I didn’t have my debit card, they couldn’t give it to me. Instead they gave me a 200 dollar pizza hut coupon thing. When I left work, the FREE pizza coupon was lost…-_- ugh…Bad luck has just been getting the best of me lately…especially since I’m feeling sick now! FACK! You can’t help but wonder why things happen the way they do especially when you’re just trying to live LIFE!. Maybe its because I haven’t been going to church since that time I went to church and the priest was spreading PROP 8 to the congregation. -_-. Weird thing is…FAMILY is doing good right now. I feel like I’m much more comfortable with family right now than all other things, which is different because usually its the other way around. Friends are alright too, but I feel things could be better.

I’m really glad that I have friends that I can call my own and if I feel like I need anything, they’re there to help me. But sometimes, I feel like some of my friends are only here when I need favors. Like theres a missing element that has been bugging me. A few months ago I felt like my friends and I were on top of the world…but now it seems like we’re in two different worlds. I don’t think many of them see it…well the particular individuals that I’m talking about…but it sucks to realize that currently…they’re not there in your life when you need them, but only a selected few. And meeting half way is the only thing I can do. “Hey are you okay?” or “Whats been going on whats up.” When I get closed ended answers…I can’t do much with that. I just feel like sometimes…I’m left wondering…why the hell do I call you my friend. (And if you think this section is about you, then maybe it is). I went through some shit these past few months and its crazy how I was able to deal with the shit I had to…without you. Now that sounds weird for me to say because I would think my closest friends would want to know, or want to HELP, or what to just be there at my lowest low. I guess whats bugging me is that when I needed “you”…you weren’t there to pick me up when I fall. We act like we’re strangers…-_- ugh

On a different note, my living situation is…well has bugged me for a lil bit. I swear, aren’t we all adults? Living in an adult world? If thats the case, why do I feel like I’m baby sitting? For me the biggest issue I have are dishes. I mean real talk, if you’re gonna use a dish, wash a dish. Or at least clean it and leave it in the sink so folks can reclean it. Cause it sucks when dishes are left out for like 5 days and the shit left on the dishes become hard to get off. I just can’t believe it…things are so elementary when it comes to cleaning to me, but for some of my roommates, its hard to comprehend. Like real talk, own up to your shit. THERE AIN’T NO FUCKING MAID THAT LIVES WITH US! However, I take on that¬†responsibility¬†myself because I surely can’t live in a pig stye. Now a days, I only clean when I know it is getting out of control. It sucks because I fucking set up things for people to do. Like TRASH. I take it out and put it out so folks can just take it…but no…no one feels like its their¬†responsibility¬†to take it. It sucks because I see folks be playing video games, watching tv, on the internet surfing…but they can’t take 5 mins out of their life to CLEAN. REAL talk, it took me fucking an hr to clean up the apartment one time because everyone failed to do their cleaning job…the next day…EVERYTHING was trashed again. LIKE foreal? Where is the respect in that? Did yal parents raise you right? Or did they raise you to where you have people clean after you? I had a cleaning list up for this apartment, but I took it down cause I felt like it was disrespectful for me to have one, taking my time to make it, and no one follows through. Like real talk, folks would kill to have a cleaning list, but folks take this shit for granted. And as a result…my apartment right now doesn’t know what to do…what to clean…cause they don’t know who is next on the cleaning list…but wait…that doesn’t mean you STOP FUCKING CLEANING THE APARTMENT! Like real talk…its so elementary. I’m waiting for someone to tell me, “hey Jar, can you please put the cleaning list up.” because I would put it back up because it shows folks really need it or want it back. Because theres a lack of NEED for one…fuck it…Its soo dumb…I work at jamba and clean dishes…and then I have to come back home and clean more dishes. Hella disrespectful. I spend hella time in the kitchen just cleaning after these pigs. I don’t fucking get it…like don’t you feel¬†embarrassed? Don’t you feel any guilt that one of your roommates is taking on cleaning for 5 other people? Thats fucking wrong. Fuck…if you got fucking time to CHILL, you got fucking time to clean up your shit…and I’m¬†embarrassed¬†cause our friends come over hella times and for them to come in and be all “whats that smell” or “do you want me to help you clean” is sad…real talk…This apartment right now sucks…sorry

I don’t fucking know where I’m going with my academics. I feel like I’m in the middle of¬†succeeding and failing…more so failing…I feel like I’m not up to par on where I should be with my major or everything else. I’m half asses everything. And I feel like I don’t know why that is. WHAT THE FUCK, WHERE THE FUCK is my motivation? Its gone…completely gone…it sucks because by now, I would have been a little more motivated to do shit…but it sucks because real talk…I want to give up on school…I’m learning…but not taking anything in…I fucking suck at life right now…I feel like the things that surround me are fucking me up…FUCKING ME UP…I don’t know…I feel like I don’t deserve to be in a state school…a fucking state school…I feel like I should just quit and just get a job at burger king. FUCK it….I’m fucking tired…-_- ugh…

Relationships…fuck…I feel like its not a priority…but I feel like it something that I’m craving for at the same time. I don’t know…I just feel like it sucks to see couples around holding and kissing each other…ESPECIALLY during this fucking holiday season. I fucking hate it…ugh…I don’t know…I’m searching when I shouldn’t be. I’m slowly getting over things…and I’m glad…because I can actually breathe without you¬†suffocating¬†me…I’m a wreck…I feel like one…I’m slowly realizing a factor to why I’m single. I start something…and I feel like I can’t commit…I have BIG commitment issues…and its rare for me to commit in something…I feel like thats the cause of why I’m still single…fuck where is that guy who will be like on ma jock, want to get to know me, say cute humorous things, do cute humorous things, just do the fucking damn thing to impress me. WHY the fuck I gotta do all the work, nig…I’ve been there done that…fuck I just gotta sit back now…fuckk…

SIGH…I’ma cut it right here, theres too much emotions and too little time to be wasted on this blog…real mother fucking talk…ugh…FUCKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!¬†

Is this seasonal depression…or is this stress…or just a combination of both…cause if its both…oh fuck…

Greetings from the BakitWhy Team.
Believe it or not, BakitWhy will be in San Francisco on Saturday, November 15, 2008 for BakitWhy’s NorCal Mixer!

As a big “thank you”, we’ll be coming together as one Pilipino-American community by bringing the audiences of the entire Northern California area together at this exciting community mixer!

Date & Time:
Saturday, November 15, 2008
5pm – 10pm

Location:
BakitWhy NorCal Mixer
Bayanihan Community Center
1010 Mission Street, Suite B
San Francisco, CA 94103

With Special performances by:

MissCarolinexoxo
Kayla

Also at this event we will be having FREE FOOD and more!

Please spread the word, BakitWhy will be in SF on November 15, all are welcome!


See you all there soon!

October 15, 2008

I get like this …

I get like this when I’m alone and sitting under the sun at state. Its crazy to just remind myself…you’re a friggin senior on this campus (not graduating though) and you pretty much know the ins and outs of this campus better than most. However, why do I feel at times like I am still lost and still trying to figure out what the hell I’m doing in my major. Sure I’m taking classes to enhance my understanding about the world. Sure I’m writing essays and responses to condition myself to write properly. BUT what the hell am I really doing? Where the hell am I going with my life.¬†

Some of my friends are graduating this year and yes some of them are still unsure what they’re going to be doing after graduation, but I know that they have a better handle on their career than I do. Its like a paper without a thesis, there’s no relevance or importance without a guide or direction.¬†

I’m good at graphic design, I have concepts, I can’t think of creative¬†models, but …what the hell am I going to do with that if I don’t know what internships I’m going to take, how I’m going to get there, what aspect of design I want to focus. UGH, I know that I’m taking 370 for a reason, but its so¬†tedious¬†that it discourages me to get real in depth with my major. Much like my communication class. The only class in which I felt like I really gained a perspective on DAI is my history class. Though I might not remember all of what I learned, I know for a fact that I learned something!¬†

I’m learning everyday to really appreciate where I am. I really take this environment and experience for granted A LOT! I don’t mean to, but the fact that I am in the motions of growing up and learning from my mistakes, I just forget a lot of times that I am¬†privileged¬†to have this education, environment…feel me?

I just had a hugeeeeee HUGEEE upset in my life not to long ago and it just fucked up my whole mode of doing things. I know I should have known better to let things like THAT get in the way, but risks is another factor in making this experience worth while. However, its gotten the best of me. I turned in the worst paper of my life, I have obligations to settle, a slideshow for a debutant, work, and midterms to really hash out. Did I forget to mention I need to fit in sleep in there some how? 

Life is only complicated when you don’t have control of it. I feel like I’m starting to regain it slowly. The choices I make impact my future. I NEED TO REMIND MYSELF THAT. I’m not here for guys, I’m not here for friendship, I’m not here to fuck around anymore…I am here for my future. MY, NOT YOUR, FUTURE.¬†

I wish I was a little bit smarter. I wish I was a little bit more confident. I wish I had better social skills. I wish …

GO HARD OR GO HOME

October 14, 2008

simplethings

I’m simply tired…tired and stressed, but tonight I feel like I was able to at LEAST breathe for a quick second. I guess I have anxiety about tomorrow being that I have Project Connect, Class, and then I have FG! AHHHH I mean, really though…But tonight I have a paper to do. I should be studying too…

 

Day…what is this…10? 11? mmm whatever day it is…I’m feeling a lil ok…I’m doing much better. Kind of. HAHA…things are slowly getting back to where they should be, however…its just been bs feeling the motions. So…I leave for SoCal next Friday. OOoOO man…

 

FRIENDSHIP! GOT EM.

September 22, 2008

An on going lesson

I’ve been well you know, not the best lately. Due to recent events, I’ve just been a hot mess. To add, I’ve just been not keeping up with my studies. Luckily for me, the semester has just begun. I’m confident that I’ll be able to get out of this “mess”. I’m confident that I’ll be able to make it through this semester, but its just right now…right now feels like an eternity. When I look at the kick off of my semester, I look at how hard it has been unlike any other. Financially, emotionally, and physically draining. Life isn’t a piece of cake, its more like a piece of shit. It piles up, the problems…the worries…the feeling of defeat. But I guess thats how life is, it brings you down when you’ve reached the top to keep yourself on your toes. To keep yourself grounded. Sometimes you gotta get your bubble popped.¬†

Work has just been a place for me to ponder about my thoughts and filter my emotions. At times, I loose myself in fantasy while at work and get into my own zone. What if, this and that, thoughts just¬†accumulate¬†and depending, it could be good or bad. I remember when I was in it too deep with the guy I liked in the summer, I was a hot mess feeling so sad at work and couldn’t function. It was all bad. Today, I was thinking about this guy who I could have had, he was about 26 or so. He was established, had a nice car, I believe his own house, and he was trying to get at me but I wasn’t having any of it cause I decided immature stupid boys were my fancy. When I look back at it…I was stupid not to go for it. He was attractive, had a great job, and possibly could have taken real good care of me. A few months later…I find that hes with someone else. DUMB DUMB! Missed opportunities are the worse, especially when you know you coulda gotten it.¬†

On a different note, I feel asleep REAL bad at church today. I couldn’t keep my eyes open. I hardly heard what the priest was saying during his homely. =/ It got to the point where I had to leave church because I didn’t want to be disrespectful. I guess being tired + depression = not being able to function correctly. Is it the season? What is it!? I find that every fall semester a character from my past comes back. Recently that was the case. I was like…wow…wth…I haven’t talked to you in like 2 years. Weird. Or there would be instances where they come in and say hello and goodbye. Those are the worst.¬†

Unfortunately, I am once again procrastinating on a paper for my design class. You’d think I’d be on this design business, but I’m more whatever about it…sigh… especially since the paper is about me. Who likes writing about themselves? Honestly. Sigh…I’ll cut it here..

OH thanks for those who have been commenting…I just wish I could hit you all back, mmm maybe I’ll start commenting back on the bogs. Shrugs who knows. But thanks =] I love the feedback.¬†