Posts tagged ‘past’

April 3, 2010

ilikejoaquin’s BURN BLOG PART ONE

A few days ago I had decided to make a list at work (my mind wanders as you are about to read) of the guys that did me right, fucked me over, and those guys that just are DOUCHE BAGS. So who made the cut? ha. I guess this was my bit of therapy at work while dealing with the constant question of why the fuck am I still single? Well here goes.

THE WORST: I think out of all the guys that I experienced, the one who hurt me the most was Teekz. FUCK that bitch. lol, I can laugh about it now and if I ever did see him again I wouldn’t think much of it. However, when I look back at 2 years go, its like DAMNNNN you was a bitchh and a fucking liar who manipulated me into thinking he was “STRAIGHT” and he was “SINGLE” which both were complete lies. I never got burned this hard ever and even after that did I ever experience the worst when I was with this dude. There was something about him…a swagger I couldn’t pin point, but it made me want to go out of my way to just be there. My friends thought he wasn’t that great to begin with and well … I never listen right lol. So when I did tell one of my friends about him, they told me that we had a mutual friend who was actually dating him…for like almost a year. I was kind of shocked, but I still went through with it. Long story short…I we hung out one night and I dropped him off…We actually never kissed surprisingly…but a lot of heated tension was there and flirting. Anyway, I dropped him off to find that his current bf was there waiting for him…and it was raining LMAO HAHAH holy crap it was like a scene from a movie. THE BOYFRIEND who waited until his boo came home so he could smash the trick he was with…and that trick happened to be me. lol But all said and done…Teekz did all he could to prove that he was innocent…he apologized…I still wanted to be his friend…blah blah…HOT MESS! haha goes to show that trust issues can be broken by only one person…and after that…all the relationships you get with are based on that person and moment…Its true for me…can’t help it right? I MEAN BITCH REALLY LIED lol haha…shrugs the past is the past…but he was definitely the WORST!

THE CRUSH A LOT: Ben was one of the first guys I met not on the internet. I was excited because he was cute…I only knew he was gay because his cousin told me he was. After that…I tried to get to know him…something in the middle got complicated and we never got together…not even talked. He was cute…we’d text each other randomly and well I was confused at times with him. He was the type that liked attention given to him, but never reciprocating any of it to me. I guess I was just a fool. This was my sophomore year (sigh things were so much nicer back then lol). Flash back a year later…we ended up drunk at his place and I kissed him…AFTER all that not doing stuff with him…that kiss definitely ruined it for me and him. I was like, “WTF? THIS IS WHAT I WANTED?” lol nah but its one of those things where it just didn’t click after the kiss…I was like ugh this is lame…and left lol haha.

Then there was Ryan. OHHHH fuckking Ryan. When I was with my boyfriend my freshman year, all I could think of is how I wanted him instead LMAO HAHA was that bad? But then again he was the guy that was supppper adorable and supppper cute. He had that face, he had swagger, and he said and did things that would make you want to be with him. After a few months or so…we did try to get with each other…or at least I did…but he ended things with me telling me he was focused on school and everything else…I was bummed out…NEXT THING YOU KNOW a few weeks later a mutual person we know IMs me saying that he knew I liked Ryan and there was something between us. I was like yeah there was whats it to you. He goes, well a few weeks ago…I fucked him. GASP *JAW DROPS* the same week he decided to not talk and text me. I was like WTFFFFFFF. UGHHHHHHHHHHHH. I was so mad because I thought we were doing great…but turns out he was just trying to give it up to this bitch. LOL…Funny thing is I haven’t talked or spoken to him in years…until he texted me two days ago asking how I knew a roommate of mine…I was like WHATEVER lol…I was sprung on him…unfortunately he never felt the same.

BOY this is getting juicy. lol There was Jimmy. THE CUTEST UNDERAGED BITCH I knew LMAO HAHAHAHAHA. At the time I thought he was at least 18…or 17…LOL when we first met…he told me he was 16 turning 17. LOL I was like wtffffff LMAO haha I was like 21 I think. Anyway, I called him my Jimmy Nutron lol…WHY? I dunno. Anyway, he and I were trying to work it out…but I so turned off because he always had to rub in his SMARTness to me. How he has a 4.0 or whatever. Which was great, but damn do you need to rub it in. He also was trying to beat me up cause he does martial arts and shit. I was like damn…He was super hot though. I was like DAMNNN foreal, but just connection wise…I was a lot older and he was just in hs…I was like how the fuck does this work? I had to drop him and when I did he goes, “OH thats fine I know someone else whos smarter, my age, has a job, and drives…so see ya.” I’m like WTF? LOL I laughed it off…a few years later I guess we met up again trying to rekindle whatever it was…but there was nothing…just sexual tension lol.

Then theres Andy. Oh Andy. When I first saw him I thought he was sooooo adorable. Looks can be deceiving. He messaged me first (he was always the one messaging me first). At the time he was with this bf and I thought it was weird how he would always text me to go to a club or go meet him somewhere and I’m like so how does your bf feel about this and he goes he’s jealous. I was like alright. haha I never met him until 2 months later after he tells me that hes actually broken up with his bf. I’m like this bitch. I was hesitant, but I did it anyway. When I met him…I tried my hardest not to smile or think he was cute. BUT this fool was hitting all the right places with spitting game and everything. He was telling me he was over his ex and all that stuff (which in my head I knew was bs). He was also just saying how he wanted to go on a date with me and all that stuff…I dunno things moved fast, but I just felt like alright sure…I’ll take the risk. Long story short…he tells me one day he wasn’t over his ex after all and drops me. Now…he just wants to be FRIENDS and stresses the FRIENDS part…He’s a total douche…reminds me of Teekz because he did exactly the same thing to me that Teekz did…LIE. He also has a good way of making himself look and sound like the victim or the right person…Its fine…I think at this point this is my goodbye to this bitch. I can’t laugh at it yet cause its still fresh. I’m definitely over him. He’s the 2nd worst.

Now…those were just the beginning…those were the good and bad, but the following were the ROUGHEST and craziest relationships I’ve been in.

THE STRESS: I knew Kit for a while, but I remember him telling me he tried to hollah at me to go to some bus and I ignored him. Well shit…wtf was I supposed to do lol. He had this accent which I thought was so cute. I remember the first time I met him, I went out of my way to go to the Castro to meet him. He was still getting over his ex…ugh. I noticed that, I get with folks who are just out of a relationship…and a bad one for that matter. Anyway, at the end of the night I remember him saying to his friend, “Awww I like this one.” AWW it still makes me smile because its so simple but it means a lot you know. Anyway fast forward…I was always at his place more than mine…I disappeared and I dunno how I did it cause didn’t I have school? LOL I felt like I didn’t have school. it was funny…Oh cause I was on break…FUCK well it was nice because I felt comfortable being there with him, but then at the same time I felt like fuckkk I don’t have room to miss him…We were dating for almost three months already and its like fuckk when are we gonna be official. The bad thing about this was I always had to prove myself to him. I had to prove to him that I wasn’t like this or that. I was doing this because I loved him blah blah. I did stuff for him that I never did for people. I gave up myself to make him happy. It was then that I realized fuck…I can’t do this. We even took a socal trip with my friends with him…and that just proved shit if you can’t hang with me in a trip…then how can I hang with being with you? I broke it off…and he then was like wait…no…he wanted me back…he was begging and he told me that he doesn’t beg…I guess I was just fed up with all the bs that I went through with him, all the fights that weren’t necessary, all the yelling, all the uncertainty afterwards. I was like I can’t do this…I just wanted a break…but it ended up being a total break. He got me nervous to the point where I cried to him cause I was hyperventilating and I couldn’t stop. He looked at me and was like “WTF why you crying.” It just felt cold…and after 3 months of just being together…thats you get? He was the closest I had to a REAL BF relationship…it just went so wrong in so many areas…I thought about him a few days ago…just wondering maybe I gave up to fast? =/ Nah…I had to let it go…I wonder if he learned anything from us…

Soon after…I met this guy named Jhordan…BOY oh boy…it started off as just friends, then business, then mixing friends with business…I’m just like wtf. Everything I said was twisted and again I felt like I had to prove myself. This guy was a grown ass man, but I felt more mature than he was. He wasn’t even out. When folks introduce me to their families or friends…I feel more connected…and thats what happened…I was connected with him…however, he always got mad at me for the simple things, bring up the past, push my buttons. He even threatened to key my car one time…I broke it off cause we were business partners that turned relationship status…I liked him…I did stuff for him, but I just felt like I was pushing it and he was definitely pushing my buttons. At the time I was dealing with a lot of depression in my life and it seemed that was my scape goat…but I felt like if I didn’t get out of that relationship…I woulda killed myself. We didn’t even last two months into getting to know each other…it was too crazy begin with. STRESS STRESS…he was probably the third worst…ugh…

I learned a lot from both of these relationships though and I don’t hate them at all, I hated the situation that we were in. THERES A BIG DIFFERENCE.

Well this is getting too long and I think I vented enough…next topic will be the guys who were good, but didn’t work out because they were douche bags…but they were still sweet. lol Also, those I hurt and why…Until next time!

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September 22, 2008

Moments you wish you could re-live