Posts tagged ‘indecisive’

September 2, 2008

My Worst Enemy

I have been left with one thought in my head…”wtf”. WTF is wrong with me? WTF am I doing? WTF!? With school and attempts at a relationship…I’m left with the feeling of discontent and confusion. WTF? What is it that I want? Do I want to focus on school only? Do I want to just fuck school and get into a relationship? WAIT…WTF? When I look at this past summer, I can conclude that it just hasn’t been a crackin summer as far as attempts at relationships go. Unfortunately, to put it in terms that folks will understand, I’m that treasured apple that God told Adam and Eve not to eat, because in the end…I’ll leave you tainted and troubled. 

I can’t seem to just be content with the guys I talk to. I have MAJOR commitment issues and I really feel like its been such a handicap on my part. I haven’t been in a REAL relationship in awhile because I can’t find myself in committing in one. I feel like I’m scared of opening up too much to a person and end up feeling in the end that it was a waste of time. Or investing in so much time, that school and the relationship in hand is compromised. I don’t blame guys who look at me and know that I’m a “tainted apple” as far as I’m concerned, I could care less because I got some shit to fix. I think I want a guy to be able to stay around to be able to help and fix my problems with me. Like I was told before, I am hard to get, but I think the end result is worth sticking around for. 

Right now I just feel like I don’t know what I want and I need to tell myself this. I want someone, but at the same time I can’t handle someone. SIGH I’m definitely disgruntled and confused. Everything in my life is going well but this aspect. I’m tired of messing around, I’m tired of just doing it, I just want to have a best friend whose willing to invest time in me. 

Sigh…=/ I got issues…like I said…I don’t blame folks for avoiding any relationship with me…I think I would too =/