Posts tagged ‘friends’

August 28, 2009

iljb#46: The Semester Begins…

I think this is an appropriate picture to describe this past week. I can’t believe it my senior year. I can’t believe all these great things have been happening to me. I can’t believe I am so blessed!

After taking the test for the job interview I had for SpaXpress I was worried if I was going to get the job. The lady said I’d get a call. Well I guess today was that call. At first I didn’t get a voicemail message just a missed call from someone. I texted the person back and I got a call back. I was at work, so I checked the message when I went on my break. There it was – the call. When I got interviewed the lady said I’d have to take a test, after that I’d get a call to move forward with the application, then I could start working. That is exactly what Anka, my new manager told me, she told me that I needed to come in on Monday and we’ll start the process.

You should have seen me in the back room, I was jumping and ecstatic. I wanted this job so bad because it was me – I know that this job was made for me. I mean fuck…it says JOAQUIN all over it! Anyway, thats that. I still can’t believe I got the job…I’m still in shock. This is definitely a big accomplishment for me. I feel so good. It feels so right.=]

Addition to the good news, school has begun and each of my classes have interested me to the point where I WANT to do hw. Its crazy. I know this wont be temporary because I really do enjoy the major and the topics presented. I honestly can’t wait to see what the future holds for me. Grad school is just a few months away! After that…its all history! =] I am so blessed. I am definitely blessed.

I was walking to class yesterday and I was stopped by a woman who had a clip board about prop 8. I decided to listen and in the end I ended up donating 58 dollars to the cause. That felt good to me.

On top of that, I’ve opened a couple of new banks so I can allocate my money. So far so good. My bills are paid on time + rent. Things are just wonderful.

The greatest story of this week, aside from my wonderful SoCalebration, is the fact that I was able to help my family financially. Its been long awaited, but the wait is finally over. In a few months …things will look once again bright for my family. Knowing that I was able to help push to that direction makes me complete and whole. I can only see good things for my family.

My mom told me a beautiful story. She told me that last Sunday she prayed to God to help the family financially because they were out of food and necessities. After church she bought a scratcher…she won $500. She told me she was about to cry because God heard her prayers. I am a firm believer in all this. God is good. God is great. All good things happen because God makes it.

I am grateful for my family, friends, job, car, life, finances, school, EVERYTHING and anything that makes all this possible…its crazy…

If I could make a video of all the blessing JUST this past week, you’d be a believer too. I am blessed. I am loved. I am happy =]

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July 18, 2009

iljb#36: Moving Forward.

Relationships are definitely on pause for me starting today. I can’t take this baggage of having shit falter in the end after pouring my heart and soul out there. I guess its my fault that I do wear my heart on my sleeve, but I think its just because I am honest and up front with things. I just don’t understand how, “So are you sure you want to do this?” can be a confusing question for someone? I mean, its a simple yes or no, especially if you know that you just got out of a relationship. However, I trusted their judgement and well that judgement turned out to spit on my face. Again, I’m not in total shock, just because I knew something like this would happen considering the situation. POINT taken Joaquin, you should have known better. Finding “love” in all the wrong places, should have known better. I guess what I didn’t like was being treated like a rebound. I mean…I wish it was mutual, but it wasn’t. I was in it more than he was. I mean he did kiss me first…I was drunk…Oh man…it was all a mess I guess. SHRUG. I gotta shake it off, DAY9 and I’m doing better, much better. So in relation to REALationships…I guess the most important relationship now is me, myself, and I. I swear…I get caught up and side tracked that I lose focus on what I truly want in life: to be successful in my skills and make something out of it.

Which leads me to why I am so motivated to “do this year”. I have so much to look forward to and so much I want to accomplish.

A birthday week, saving up/trading in my tribute for a new car, paying off my credit, helping my sister w a grand or half a grand, paying all my bills, getting a NEW job, graduating.

FUCK – I mean thats just the beginning and finding a time to fit a man – BOY – in there is ridiculous. I can’t – I wont – I will not. I’ve been spending a lot of time with G-Up and man does it feel good to hang out with friends. Its a nice escape from reality. I recently just did a photo shoot and that made me feel happy =]. SIMPLE things like this have been making my summer worth it. Better late than never. I’m just realizing that,

IF YOU ARE NOT IN THE BANDWAGON, YOU HAVE ALREADY MISSED YOUR CHANCE

I’m slowly realizing this…I’m slowly accepting it and I’m okay with it. Just reinforcing my WORTH and knowing that its not me missing out – its you! I even mentioned to folks, WE LIVE EXCEPTIONAL LIVES, if folks don’t know our worth then give em a big FUCK YOU! We don’t need folks to bring us down.

I’m moving faster – moving forward – moving at a speed that is exciting, but frightening.

In a month, my whole life will change! 23! THATS A FUCKING number. 23! Most 23 year olds haven’t been through the shit I’ve been through, experienced the shit I’ve experienced…done what I’ve done. FUCK 23! Thats the fucking start of my journey.

BIG DREAMS?

I do have big dreams and right now its in the city of SAN FRANCISCO. Its not only now do I realize my potential and the real beauty that is San Francisco. I want to work in the city. I want to make a life in the city. For some, it doesn’t work. For me…I love it. Its true, I can’t possibly relocate to a new place when I have yet realized my full potential here. Besides, trips and vacations are gonna come around – so its not a big deal for me to move permanently, all I need is an escape.

I’ve been doing that actually. Escaping slowly…finding out that its okay to hang out with Jamba Juice coworkers (in fact I will be hanging out with some next week), going home to family just for a day to just hang out with mom and sis (feels so good), just doing my own thing and expressing my own thoughts on youtube and on wordpress. ITS SO THERAPEUTIC. As much as I complain, post really emo status’s, I am fine with life and I know that the journey right now is preparing me for something big.

GOD has something GREAT prepared for me. I know it. He’s been handling all of my troubles lately. However small or big, he’s been there holding my hand. I haven’t been to church in awhile, but it just goes to show that miracles still happen even if you aren’t practicing being a Catholic. I just have to say I have to give a lot of thanks to the Lord for giving me several opportunities these past weeks with jobs. Oh did I mention hes been hooking me up with extra cash!? lol And my mom has been able to give me 20 here and there. ❤ Life isn’t as bad when you’re struggling…it seems like I’m learning more than if I weren’t. I live for this struggle.

MOVING forward. THIS IS my anthem. THIS is what I sing. THIS is what I shall do.

I will make that change and listen to my own voice, like my horoscope said, I know myself better than anyone – I can handle it. I can handle IT!

MOVING FORWARD. DOING THIS FOR ME. I GOT A BRIGHT FUTURE AHEAD. I LIVE FOR THIS.

November 2, 2008

RANTS

I’ll spend a few mins just typing out my thoughts, since thats the only way I get through stuff now a days…in my thoughts. Its crazy how theres so much information in my brain that it can create me not to function correctly cause theres so much clutter in there. Well heres my house cleaning.

Thank you Erwin for keeping up with my life and letting me know wassup. I haven’t gotten to text you back or nothing just cause I suck at getting back at people, but just know I really appreciate it. My thanks also go out to Kellz, Justin, and not so important. Thanks for leaving your love and feedback. ❤ They do help. 

My life right now…mmm how can I sum it up…unstable. There…cause I still feel like I don’t have a grasp of my life even after Friendship Games. I feel like I’m moving…my body is…but theres nothing in me thats really functioning. Its as if I’m a hallow body moving through life. Nothing too exciting has happened in my life, just bad luck on my end. When I got back from Friendship Games I found that I lost my debit card. A few days later I went to celebrate Ryans 21st and D&Bs and I lost my phone for an hour at that damn place. Luckily I was able to find it. Then a few days ago at work, these folks came in to give me a GRAND prize of going to vegas for only 50 dollars with some other free stuff included, but because I didn’t have my debit card, they couldn’t give it to me. Instead they gave me a 200 dollar pizza hut coupon thing. When I left work, the FREE pizza coupon was lost…-_- ugh…Bad luck has just been getting the best of me lately…especially since I’m feeling sick now! FACK! You can’t help but wonder why things happen the way they do especially when you’re just trying to live LIFE!. Maybe its because I haven’t been going to church since that time I went to church and the priest was spreading PROP 8 to the congregation. -_-. Weird thing is…FAMILY is doing good right now. I feel like I’m much more comfortable with family right now than all other things, which is different because usually its the other way around. Friends are alright too, but I feel things could be better.

I’m really glad that I have friends that I can call my own and if I feel like I need anything, they’re there to help me. But sometimes, I feel like some of my friends are only here when I need favors. Like theres a missing element that has been bugging me. A few months ago I felt like my friends and I were on top of the world…but now it seems like we’re in two different worlds. I don’t think many of them see it…well the particular individuals that I’m talking about…but it sucks to realize that currently…they’re not there in your life when you need them, but only a selected few. And meeting half way is the only thing I can do. “Hey are you okay?” or “Whats been going on whats up.” When I get closed ended answers…I can’t do much with that. I just feel like sometimes…I’m left wondering…why the hell do I call you my friend. (And if you think this section is about you, then maybe it is). I went through some shit these past few months and its crazy how I was able to deal with the shit I had to…without you. Now that sounds weird for me to say because I would think my closest friends would want to know, or want to HELP, or what to just be there at my lowest low. I guess whats bugging me is that when I needed “you”…you weren’t there to pick me up when I fall. We act like we’re strangers…-_- ugh

On a different note, my living situation is…well has bugged me for a lil bit. I swear, aren’t we all adults? Living in an adult world? If thats the case, why do I feel like I’m baby sitting? For me the biggest issue I have are dishes. I mean real talk, if you’re gonna use a dish, wash a dish. Or at least clean it and leave it in the sink so folks can reclean it. Cause it sucks when dishes are left out for like 5 days and the shit left on the dishes become hard to get off. I just can’t believe it…things are so elementary when it comes to cleaning to me, but for some of my roommates, its hard to comprehend. Like real talk, own up to your shit. THERE AIN’T NO FUCKING MAID THAT LIVES WITH US! However, I take on that responsibility myself because I surely can’t live in a pig stye. Now a days, I only clean when I know it is getting out of control. It sucks because I fucking set up things for people to do. Like TRASH. I take it out and put it out so folks can just take it…but no…no one feels like its their responsibility to take it. It sucks because I see folks be playing video games, watching tv, on the internet surfing…but they can’t take 5 mins out of their life to CLEAN. REAL talk, it took me fucking an hr to clean up the apartment one time because everyone failed to do their cleaning job…the next day…EVERYTHING was trashed again. LIKE foreal? Where is the respect in that? Did yal parents raise you right? Or did they raise you to where you have people clean after you? I had a cleaning list up for this apartment, but I took it down cause I felt like it was disrespectful for me to have one, taking my time to make it, and no one follows through. Like real talk, folks would kill to have a cleaning list, but folks take this shit for granted. And as a result…my apartment right now doesn’t know what to do…what to clean…cause they don’t know who is next on the cleaning list…but wait…that doesn’t mean you STOP FUCKING CLEANING THE APARTMENT! Like real talk…its so elementary. I’m waiting for someone to tell me, “hey Jar, can you please put the cleaning list up.” because I would put it back up because it shows folks really need it or want it back. Because theres a lack of NEED for one…fuck it…Its soo dumb…I work at jamba and clean dishes…and then I have to come back home and clean more dishes. Hella disrespectful. I spend hella time in the kitchen just cleaning after these pigs. I don’t fucking get it…like don’t you feel embarrassed? Don’t you feel any guilt that one of your roommates is taking on cleaning for 5 other people? Thats fucking wrong. Fuck…if you got fucking time to CHILL, you got fucking time to clean up your shit…and I’m embarrassed cause our friends come over hella times and for them to come in and be all “whats that smell” or “do you want me to help you clean” is sad…real talk…This apartment right now sucks…sorry

I don’t fucking know where I’m going with my academics. I feel like I’m in the middle of succeeding and failing…more so failing…I feel like I’m not up to par on where I should be with my major or everything else. I’m half asses everything. And I feel like I don’t know why that is. WHAT THE FUCK, WHERE THE FUCK is my motivation? Its gone…completely gone…it sucks because by now, I would have been a little more motivated to do shit…but it sucks because real talk…I want to give up on school…I’m learning…but not taking anything in…I fucking suck at life right now…I feel like the things that surround me are fucking me up…FUCKING ME UP…I don’t know…I feel like I don’t deserve to be in a state school…a fucking state school…I feel like I should just quit and just get a job at burger king. FUCK it….I’m fucking tired…-_- ugh…

Relationships…fuck…I feel like its not a priority…but I feel like it something that I’m craving for at the same time. I don’t know…I just feel like it sucks to see couples around holding and kissing each other…ESPECIALLY during this fucking holiday season. I fucking hate it…ugh…I don’t know…I’m searching when I shouldn’t be. I’m slowly getting over things…and I’m glad…because I can actually breathe without you suffocating me…I’m a wreck…I feel like one…I’m slowly realizing a factor to why I’m single. I start something…and I feel like I can’t commit…I have BIG commitment issues…and its rare for me to commit in something…I feel like thats the cause of why I’m still single…fuck where is that guy who will be like on ma jock, want to get to know me, say cute humorous things, do cute humorous things, just do the fucking damn thing to impress me. WHY the fuck I gotta do all the work, nig…I’ve been there done that…fuck I just gotta sit back now…fuckk…

SIGH…I’ma cut it right here, theres too much emotions and too little time to be wasted on this blog…real mother fucking talk…ugh…FUCKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

Is this seasonal depression…or is this stress…or just a combination of both…cause if its both…oh fuck…

Greetings from the BakitWhy Team.
Believe it or not, BakitWhy will be in San Francisco on Saturday, November 15, 2008 for BakitWhy’s NorCal Mixer!

As a big “thank you”, we’ll be coming together as one Pilipino-American community by bringing the audiences of the entire Northern California area together at this exciting community mixer!

Date & Time:
Saturday, November 15, 2008
5pm – 10pm

Location:
BakitWhy NorCal Mixer
Bayanihan Community Center
1010 Mission Street, Suite B
San Francisco, CA 94103

With Special performances by:

MissCarolinexoxo
Kayla

Also at this event we will be having FREE FOOD and more!

Please spread the word, BakitWhy will be in SF on November 15, all are welcome!


See you all there soon!

October 11, 2008

i guess.

It bothers me how sometimes my close friends don’t bother ask me what is happening in my life because I vent all my frustrations on this site. -_- I’m sure you’re reading this and thinking of a response to this statement…but its just an observation -_- blah 

John is helping me cope with shit. Thanks