Archive for ‘School’

July 5, 2011

iljb#164: SB48 – California Gay History Bill Headed To Governor

So what is this bill?

The Fair, Accurate, Inclusive and Respectful (FAIR), SB 48 Education Act would amend the Education Code to include social sciences instruction on the contributions of lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender (LGBT) people.

This is such a HUGE landmark if passed. Definitely something that has been long overdue.

The Bill has been passed through many Committees, most importantly the full assembly on July 6th, 2011 with a 49-25 vote.

Goes to show that the elected representatives in Sacramento HEAR US and see the need for this amendment to be passed in California.

Now its up to the Governor to sign into law

WHY is this so important to adopt?

Well take a look at what happens in schools today. Bullying, harassment, and discrimination (just to name a few) against LGBT students and non. This bill enables us to learn about the LGBT history which is rich, full of stories and experiences that we have yet heard or learned about. I find it narrow minded that some people believe gay history is just about gay sex.

This bill, SB 48, includes and ensure students get a fair and accurate picture of the people and events that have shaped our society, and that fair and accurate portrayals of LGBT people are no longer excluded from classroom discussions. Because if you appose this bill, you’re basically saying that the only RIGHT way, is a heterosexual way.

Ultimately, I hope in the long run, this helps prevent the perpetuating stereotypes about gay people. Do we want to venture and talk about what straight people do? Nah, we already see that in the media and in magazines. LGBT people are just like everyone else, were not different.

The more societies learns about the contributions of the LGBT community, the better the dialog and understanding about what it means to be a part of the LGBT community…however a dialog is rarely even started

To stress about the contributions and history of the LGBT community in California and in the world, well its just not saying enough.

THIS part of our history, culture, lifestyle, but is virtually non-existent. Its as if GAY PEOPLE don’t exist in the world…well at least not in textbooks.

Some Facts

Schools that have included LGBT discussions have been positive, statistics show that only 11% of students reported bullying, but the number doubles to 24% if students say they haven’t learned about LGBT people.

Statistics also show that in 2003, students who have learned about LGBT people at school were more likely to feel they have a voice.

In 2004, 359 CA shcool districts already have LGBT inclusive curriculums, more than 83% report including LGBT issues in their lessons for some or all hs students, 64% do so in middle school, and 54% do so for elementary. This has probably increased as the years have passed. From personal experience, I know that these facts are legit, I’ve experienced this myself. But who cares right?

I was reading the article about SB48 and was disturbed by two representatives, who happen to be republicans. The first, Assemblyman Tim Donnelly.

Just take a long at his website – I find it hard to like the guy if all he talks about is money and not enough about education. He has strong feelings about the “homosexuality agenda” stating “I think it’s one thing to say that we should be tolerant,” Donnelly said. “It is something else altogether to say that my children are going to be taught that this lifestyle is good.”

So you’re telling me, you’re kids don’t have a brain to decide what lifestyle they choose? Shame on you Mr. Donnelly for being so closed minded. How did this guy get into office?

Second, theres Assemblyman Chris Norby, who like some opposed to the bill, agree that such instruction would further burden an already crowded curriculum and expose students to a subject that some parents find objectionable.
Again, you act like your children don’t have a voice themselves, or brain for that matter to decide how they want to live and what to think. You have already done it for them. Take a look at this guys website all he cares about is getting Ca. its money and not enough about education. I think I know what this guys agenda is.

The bill’s author, Sen. Mark Leno, a Democrat, states “Bottom line, it’s only beneficial to share with students the broad diversity of the human experience and that our democracy protects everyone,”

At least we know there are, not just some, but a lot of people in Sac that have a brain and common sense. Again, the Assembly passed this bill 49-25…Now who are those 25? 😉

Now theres also the side that does oppose this bill, so I invite you to read what they have to say. Personally, I think its bullshit and I can’t believe we have people in high office dictating the future of our kids…SHAME. How are these people in office?

Nevertheless the Links will be down below.

Some churches and conservative family groups warned the bill will drive more parents to take their children out of public schools.

I’m sorry, but I went to a catholic school and honestly I felt like it sheltered me from the real world. Parents who would take their children out of public schools if this bill passed are basically lying to their kids saying that LGBT people don’t exist. Secondly, CHRIST LIKE? Really now? To pass judgment on a particular group and condemn them is definitely not CHRIST LIKE. End of discussion.

Take a look a the links below, its very helpful to get a better idea of this bill and again why its important. We need to be educated with such topics and know whats out there. Really, decide for yourself, don’t take my word for it.

On a side note, personally, being an Asian American – the history of Asians in this country in textbooks are rarely talked about or its barely written. More so, Pilipino History is barely talk about or discussed. And trust yal would be like WTF you guys did that, if yal knew.

It wasn’t until college that I learned about my roots and gained a better understanding of who I was as a Pilipino American. What a shame that I had to wait until college to learn about who I was.

I wish this kind of HISTORY would have been taught when I went to elementary school…I probably would have been more proud than ashamed.

Likewise, growing up not knowing about the LGBT community, what certain terms were, me thinking of suicide in hs, bullying, harassment, again just to name a few…if I had a resource in school, a dialogue about what it meant to be gay, a part of a beautiful community. I def. feel that I would have been more proud to be who I was instead of hiding who I am.

This bill, I believe would ultimately help those who are questioning themselves or who know nothing about the LGBT experience. Its about time.


No History
No Self

Know History
Know Self

Lastly, on a different issue, but closely related. if you are a representative, or in government, or in any high place and you’ve done a video that contributes to the IT GETS BETTER PROJECT, and you are still on the fence about gay marriage, I feel like its either you support us or you don’t. Stop letting your party dictate what you know is right. I rather have a representative be firm with their stance on the issue, rather than have someone be 50/50 about it. The only person that loses is your self and your dignity.


California Gay History Bill Headed To Governor


YES, this video is PRO SB48 (with good reason).
YES, this is important in schools
YES, this matters
YES, people have really become more close minded than I thought


Our world needs to REEDUCATE ourselves about what it means to be a part of the LGBT community. Instead of spending HOURS commenting negativity, sit down with someone whose a part of that community and LEARN something. Religion aside, LGBT history has made what you know today YOUR AMERICA. People who pass judgement on the LGBT community has learned nothing from histories past and continue perpetuating what our FORE FATHERS fought for – EQUALITY.

By learning about this history, does not MAKE YOU GAY, YOU CAN’T MAKE anyone GAY, but knowing the PEOPLE in this world that exist is a right that should not be taken away from ANYONE

IF YOUR AMERICA continues to breed HATE against the LGBT, your AMERICA will soon become an AMERICA you no longer will truly be proud of.
THE CHANGE is IN YOU! MAKE a EDUCATED decision and CRITICALLY think about the WORLD you live/want to live in for you and for YOUR KIDS.




You may contact Governor Jerry Brown by mail at:
Mailing address:
Governor Jerry Brown
c/o State Capitol, Suite 1173
Sacramento, CA 95814
Phone: (916) 445-2841 
Fax: (916) 558-3160


The Articles about SB48

First off I’d like to say the comments on yahoo are very disturbing, this is our America? It makes me ashamed to call this a part of me being AMERICAN.


“Andre about an hour ago Gay History? What the heck is that?”
“Corey 2 hours ago I am gay. And this is silly. I don’t need “gay history” or “gay pride month” or any other PC, liberal nonsense. Just let me have my rights, and I’m happy. If you want to throw in “By the way class, one little known fact about X is that he may have been gay,” that’s fine. But all this does is waste time and money, and it divides us further. Seriously, give me a break…”

“Me 51 minutes ago Time to put your kids in private school”
“K C about an hour ago This could well be the most absurd, insane, ridiculous and IDIOTIC thing I’ve EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE!!!!”


The Representatives
Tim Donnelly
Chris Norby
Tom Amianno
Mark Leno (One of my sources)


The Bill Introduced (One of my sources)

FAIR Education Act: SB48 Information
Protect Our Kids Foundation Information: Opposed


January 2, 2011

iljb#142: Day 2 of the New Year

I can’t believe we’re just going through the new year like its nothing – well at least I am. This whole reflection about what 2010 means and what 2011 is going to be has just gotten me thinking a lot. My thoughts are busy trying to figure out what if anything, is the meaning of all that has happened to me from this point in my life. Nonetheless, I’m actually content…eh I lie…I’m okay with how life is…and the biggest reason why I am just okay is…I was in love in 2010.

Today at work I felt like I was keeping myself way to busy by just speeding through the day and just being in “work mode”. Work mode for me basically consist of myself not talking and just doing my job without any rest. So thats what I did. I was shocked myself because I haven’t done this in awhile and well …why start today? Well today…I actually got up on time and got to work on time…so that in itself might have been a foreshadowing of sorts…but still…I feel like I was trying to avoid a certain emotion/feeling during work. Then it hit me towards the end of my shift…I’m heart broken because I was in love in 2010.

I’ve never been in love and I guess I was just too ashamed to admit it to myself that I was/am in love. The feeling that I had with Danny was definitely real and it definitely made me feel good. I’ve been with guys that came close to Danny, but he was just it…he was the guy. But the biggest thing that prevented us from sticking it out is that he wasn’t ready to call me his bf, even when I was ready. I mean common sense says, you don’t wait for anyone and common sense definitely means somethings gotta give…so I gave…and let go. Something I’m so used to.

To interject this blog, I want to digress and speak upon a moment at work that kind of disturbed me and that is catching myself say, “Maybe I should focus my attention on women instead of men.” It was quiet amusing in the beginning because I tried and it was a fail off the bat. I even told myself, “The options are bleak…” haha I convinced myself that maybe if I looked at women…I would find myself wanting and being with a woman…yeahh…you go gay, and you can’t turn back that easily. I guess it was my way of just escaping this lonely feeling.

I couldn’t help but keep my eyes wandering at the eye candy at work that pass by. I mean thats what I usually do. I find a guy thats cute and tell myself that he’s the kinda guy I want or thats the kinda guy I wished I dated. Its like movies…but usually most of the guys I see are white…and I find myself saying I want a white dude. lol…there aren’t that many gay men that roll through the airport…and I just find myself wishfully thinking about what might be in the future.

I wish I could talk to my friends about this, however, none of them are in this current situation or have been in a long time and I feel like trying to relate this topic to them could find myself disappointed with what I hear. So I keep it to myself – only certain times do I open up about it…but overall I haven’t really talked about Danny to any of them to the extent that I want to. I feel like its a done topic…however it obviously isn’t done especially when I have so much to blog about.

I honestly wish that my viewers could take a look at how I think for one day and go through the shit that I have to deal with…it amazes me sometimes to find myself pushing through…even though I am so tired…

Speaking about being tired. I also told myself that I am working my ass off in January because I need to help my brother out/family. I am working not for myself, but for my family. Its a wonderful feeling when you get there to know that you can contribute and provide for your family…and they actually count on you to. I don’t know any of my friends family that expect them to do that now…and I wouldn’t wish that upon them. I am just blessed and fortunate that I do have two jobs that help myself and my family out. I used to be so selfish with my money and I used to not give a cent to my family. Which is expected I guess when you start making your own income. But after 2010, things changed and I definitely find my role as a brother/son much bigger than ever. I have a responsibility.

I tell myself, man you are soooo fucking amazing Joaquin because check this. Your a minority within a minority. You’re gay, who happens to have two jobs, who happens to have a degree, who happens to support his family, who happens to have a unbalance social anxiety within himself, and who happens to be single. HAHA I know, I know, it sounds like I’m trying to make myself come off as unique and fucking amazing compared to all those folks in the “scene”, but ….thats exactly what I’m saying HAHA.

It makes me wonder why I end up with guys who are great in the beginning, but turn out to be the guys who don’t have their shit straight. Don’t get me wrong, I ain’t perfect, but I’ve worked my ass these 24 years of my life to be where I am. Nothing was ever handed to me. No one ever helped me through college the way most kids had help. I had to find it and work for it. I am just fortunate to have the experiences that I’ve had.

As Vince likes to put it for 2011, “Know your worth.”

He’s right, I need to remind myself each day. But it just sucks when I know myself what I’m worth, but its been proven time after time others don’t see that just yet. With failed attempts at relationships, each one seemed to have the same reason of why it didn’t work out. They weren’t on my level – and even if I tried to get them there – I didn’t want to change them from who they are…

My horoscope told me not to over think things this year…cause sometimes it will get me into more of a mess than I already am…I’m trying…I really am.

I want to be loved like I was in 2010…but with the right guy this time =/. I find myself rebounding to different things for temporary relief, but I find myself back to where I began…

I’m independent and only I really know how to work it out…trust I will…I just need to get all this out before I do…

I’m about to build my dresser…wish me luck =P

December 31, 2010

iljb#141: Ring in 2011

2011 Overview

Whew! Feel that enormous burden sliding off of your shoulders, like you’ve been carrying around an overstuffed backpack for the last couple of years? That would be Saturn, planet of structures and limitation, moving out of your sign. Congratulations, first of all, on having simply made it through more or less in one piece. You passed through the fire and made it out the other side.

Now, what to do with that spiritual Medal of Honor you’ve earned? Well, for one thing, establish who it is you really are with both yourself and those around you. Your ability to quietly endure both the big and little outrages of life have served you well in the last couple of years, and many of those around you may have come to assume that either it wasn’t as rough on you as it was, or that you are somehow made of steel. In fact, you may have come to the same conclusion yourself. Virgo has a reputation for being able to take care of others with the best of them — but can you turn that same care and attention on yourself? That’s the big question you’ll be facing in 2010.

The good news (beyond simply less bad news) is that there will be all kinds of opportunities opening up for you in new directions as far as fun, recreation and romance. So take advantage of those whenever you can. You’ve earned it!

As much as I look back on 2010 reminiscing about the good, the bad, and everything in between; what I know for certain is that this year had definitely set me up for what is in store for me in 2011. One year from now, when I look back at this blog, I’ll know that 2011 would definitely be the year of wonderful things ranging from the small to the very big. Whatever it might turn out to be, I’ll know that I was prepared to take on 2011 before it even began.

A Summary of 2010
I began with a huge break up in 2010. I was heartbroken and I couldn’t see through the rain. I was devastated with Danny and how we ended things. I ended up rebounding myself on to Andy which was in retrospect was a really bad idea. Another devastated experience came with that and I found myself not understanding what exactly was wrong with me (relationship wise). I had other things I had to take care of, like graduating and preparing to graduate in the spring. With 2009 done, 2010 had a lot of business I had to take care of. PACE, PCN, FilGrad, Project Connect, Kleins…a lot was piled in the few months I had before graduation. I slowly trusted my friends with what I felt and experienced in life by confiding in them with my deepest fears, concerns, and dreams. Somewhere in the middle of the year, I found myself back with Danny, but this time around I knew what I wanted and I wasn’t going to back down from that. I was partnered on youtube (which was amaaazing), and the thought of moving to LA by the end of the year took over.

Graduating and the process leading up to that was worth all the sweat and tears. FilGrad/Directing PCN/& Project Connect contributed to the overall experience that is graduation. I wouldn’t have asked for more and wouldn’t have changed it for anything. I was also told I was going to revisit/re-meet my cousins in a long time. That was definitely an amazing experience because I felt this time around I would make connections without being shy. At that point in my life, I grown fond of family and understanding its root. I also contributed in helping out my sister get her job back. The waiting period was long, but worth the wait. I was experiencing the ultimate high in the summer with Danny by my side and with my friends along for the ride. Socalebration was amazing as usual and made me reflect on how wonderful my friends are.

Entering the fall, I had a lot of dreams and passions that I wanted accomplish before 2010 ended. I searched for jobs online and figured out that it was hard. I had a few interviews here and there and fucked up on a $40,000 salary job, which I didn’t get. However, I had much more respect for myself in letting that get to me. I definitely made it a point to focus on those who are important in my life. My sister finally got her job back and my family’s 3 year struggle would soon end. We talked about heading to the Philippines in the end of the year. Everything in my life turned for the best soon after, when I got a call from Aerotek about a job opportunity. By the end of October, I had a new job that paid well. Post Grad didn’t seem to be so bleak.

November was a time for change. Moving to LA was definitely postponed due to my new job, my relationship with Danny soon would end because I couldn’t handle not being official, and the focus to my family soon became a major priority. Going to the Philippines was postponed, but the experience with my family grew stronger as the weeks passed. I soon became busy due to having two jobs. Refocusing on myself. Dealing with the “break up” was difficult, but I seem to managed. Entering December, I was filled with joy and appreciation of how far I’ve come.

As I write this I look back at a rough start of 2010, but realizing how blessed I am ending with a bang. I couldn’t have asked for more. I have a soon to be permanent job that pays well, my family and I are embarking on getting my brother his job back, and my friends and I are gonna go through another year filled with wonderful experiences. Though I ended this year much like last year with a broken relationship, I can say that I am okay with it and I am better off without one. Though I may want that comfort and that intense love that I had – I can say that I redirected all that love back to my family, friends, and work. I came out on top this year in 2010 and I am every grateful. God took care of me this year when I felt lost and couldn’t find my way. God reassured that I was going to make it on top, but I didn’t know how. Now I know and its amazing.

2010 will be dubbed as the year I grew a better appreciation of the people around me. Redirected my focus on my family and responsibilities. Most importantly, grew more self respect/self worth for myself. There were many instances in 2010 that were bad, but when I sum things up now, those don’t even come to view. The good definitely weighed in more this year than the bad.


What to look forward to in 2011?
I definitely know 2011 will continue to bring wonderful surprises for my family. I am working my ass off to help them get back on their feet. I am working on also bringing back the joy and happiness that was once there. After 3 years of pain, its time to make that all up by helping contribute what I can. I know will make it through 2011 and finally be the family I know we can be.

Relationships with my friends can only become stronger. I know that we’ll have more to look forward to this year, more to laugh, more to cry, more memories to share with one another.

Work will look bright for me. I know because I am working my ass off to get perm. (which I will by the end of Jan). My deli job will help me get that extra income I need. I need to always remind myself how grateful I am to even have a job, let alone two. I am so grateful.

This year marks my 25th year. I can’t believe it! I can not believe it =] Big things for a big number.

REALationships =/ well, I can’t go into 2011 expecting anything because I can’t. All I know is, I will be stronger and wiser with the guys I experience this year. I’m done with playing around, I’m done with just fake ass promises, talk is to easy, and I know through my experiences I can identify all that better. I want to be in a relationship in 2011, but I’m not in a rush to do so. If 2011 brings me my guy, then so be it. If it doesn’t then I’m cool with that too.

YOUTUBE & such, I’m excited to say that I have things in store for my channel – with continued support from folks around the world, I know my channel will continue to help others like it has. I can’t wait for what I bring to the table in 2011. =] This message particularly to those who have messaged me in 2010 through facebook. I want to thank you for trusting me with your life, experience, love, friendship, etc. Thank you for looking up to me, giving me advice, hating on me, giving me something to think about. Thank you for loving me, listening to me, being there for me when I felt no one was. Its a crazy unique experience that we have on youtube. My ROOMIES – you all are definitely a part of contributing to this wonderful year that is 2010. I owe each and every one of you. If you’re reading this, you are the definite few that have touched my life.

So, lets ring in 2011. Its something big, something awesome, something I can’t wait for to happen…The countdown begins =].

2011 Resolutions.
Be authentic
Go and try something new each month
LIVE in the moments
Smile more
Work out more
Appreciate each day
Go to church
Spend more time with family
Stop being “mean”
Save money to move out
Fix my car/or get a new car
Pay my debts
Get perm. job
Be in love again
Run the lake
Take pictures
Write more/poetry/stories
Eat good food
Drink/Happy hours
Spend time with coworkers
Watch good movies
Have a balance of spending
Be a better friend/son/brother/coworker

October 23, 2010

iljb#133: I have to admit a few things…

  • I’ve actually have been trying to abandon wordpress for tumblr
  • I am second guessing my relationship
  • I am blessed to have a entry level job which I start on Monday
  • I need to rest so my body can feel better
  • I hate the rain
  • I miss blogging and writing poetry
  • I’m tired of youtube to an extent
  • I know what I want in life
  • I am lucky
  • I can be single and be fine
  • I have a future waiting for me
  • Forgiveness is hard to do
  • I can’t wait – wont wait for anyone
September 19, 2010

LIKE this…

September 11, 2010

another thought

September 9, 2010


You have no idea how much of a relief I have in blogging right now. Its been a long time since I’ve gotten to just lay out all my thoughts – and this blog isn’t even close to explaining what I have in my head, but I guess this will do for now. Ever since I’ve turned 24, life has just been great, but more busier than I had imagined. Even though I don’t go to school now, I feel as if I am still on the grind. This 40 hr a week working, relationships to keep track, and my sanity to keep has just gotten the best of me …in a good way. I’ve been doing a great job in multitasking and doing what I can to be happy in life. Its crazy how Sept. has just flown in and will slowly fly out…CRAZYYYYY its almost Dec.

Things on my mind

Masters in Counseling, JOB/2nd Job, Dec – Philippines, Relationship/Family, Moving, friends & such, youtube, personal time ME!!!

No Joke – the first two have been eating me up. I’ve been doing lightweight research for my masters, but I now realize I need to really get into it. Seriously its hard when you have a 40hr week and the last thing on your mind is doing research. But I am very determined I tell myself and others each day: COUNSELING. I am going to do just that, I just need a day to do all that and FOCUS.

I’ve been looking at a second job for awhile now and its necessary for me to because I feel as though this one job isn’t cutting it. I am willing to sacrifice my social life for my FUTURE life – feel me. I work hard, but play hard too. I gotta think about my future. But again I need to just spend a day and research. I am so grateful I have a job still unlike some folks who are looking. Post Grad is seriously hard esp if you don’t have a job. But I’m on it…I’m gonna find that job!

Dec is approaching and my trip to the Philippines is coming soon. Its a lot of money and its only for a few days…ughhhhhh =/ I was so excited at first, but when I think about how long I have there its like ugh nm…kinda stressful to think.

RELATIONSHIPS. I finally have a steady relationship with my boy. Finally a man who I am well “LOVE” with. I love him =] and he loves me back. The relationship is worth it and every time I think about it I know I’m lucky. It was our 1 year =] AH haha. Family relationship has gotten stronger. Spending time tomorrow with my mom.

Moving has been on the back burner…and I know I will get back on that hype as soon as I get my expenses on check…EVERY month I’m saving, but I end up spending because I have so much bills to take care of. CRAZY because I take care of myself 99% of the time. That 1% is when I rarely ask my fam for gas, everything else is me. ughhhhhhh sooooo hard living on your own and providing for yourself. When I think about it I bought everything in my room since I was a Junior in College. YUPPP alll me. SIGH

Friends and such…well I’ve been doing the best to hang out and get updates, but as you can see its really not a priority since I have so much other things to think about. I know they’re there for me though. But right now its on a pause.

YOUTUBE…ahh I feel like a disappointment to my fans cause I havent uploaded a recent video and I want to cause I have hella ideas, but I seriously have no time to do it and if I do I end up giving myself ME time instead. I really hope if you’re a FAN reading this that I love you and that I’ll be back shortly…its fucking crazy this life…that I have youtube responsibilities AHHAHA.

PERSONAL TIME…ME! This is where I watch TV, blog, listening to music, and most recently play GODFINGER lol…Its the last thing but sometimes the first thing on this whole list. Its either or…THATS THE BEST and WORST things about POST GRAD…having ME time, but not having it completely.

Alright cutting this short…have a long day tomorrow. BEST


June 14, 2010

iljb#117: SF to LA

So I figured, I need to make my move to LA more real for me. So what I decided was change my background on my laptop, youtube, twitter, and wordpress with the background of LA. It feels nice because it will remind me of the big prize at the end of the road. I’ll be going to SoCal twice this summer so I think thats a sign for something right? I’m excited, I just need to make sure I save that money. If its not the end of this year, not in Jan/Feb/March or even until summer of next year, at least I know I’m preparing myself 😀

I don’t know about you, but I know I’ll be okay if I move. I know what it takes and I know its going to be hard, but so was my transition from lil suburb Mountain View to the big city San Francisco. Why LA? A lot of folks ask, but I can’t give one answer, its just calling me. I feel it. The life I live here in SF needs to be used to its full potential. I got this. I know this. I’ve been well prepared. IF moving to LA means just being there for a year and then move back, so be it – right? Thats the experience I’m willing to take. I’m good with keeping my goals checked and done, I’m good with multitasking, and I’m definitely good with networking. I can do this.

The secret just transcends in my life more than ever now. Its good – cause this is exactly where I need to be.

So…I invite you, to come away with me =]

June 5, 2010

iljb#114: I miss SFSU already

how i saw the world each day!

June 3, 2010

iljb#113: <3

May 26, 2010

iljb#112: I thought …

This is how I feel right now, but I thought of Mary in particular LOL

May 24, 2010

iljb#111: DONE DONE…kinda…

GRADUATION WAS WONDERFUL…check my facebook for pix…

I can party and hang out now…

but after I do my final 20 page paper LOL 😀

May 19, 2010

iljb#110: GRADUATING is hard =[

I think I fucked myself over with saying that I could work this week. FUCK…I could have used all that time to do this paper that I need to do, however, its my fault that I havent even began to touch the paper. I think its just my senioritis kickin in HELLA BAD. I mean, granted I have until monday of next week, but honestly WHEN am I gonna do that paper. I gotta make some decisions, unfortunately I’m making poor ones as we speak =X. Regardless, I’m a hustler and without a doubt, I will make sure that I’ll be on top of this within the next few hours. Today really does matter in how much I get done with my paper, I cannot afford to slack more than I already have…haha funny thing is I’m blogging as we speak :P. This paper reminds me of my own paper senior year about depression and ironically I was to depressed to do my paper. This time around my paper is youtube and ironically its the reason why I can’t begin my paper. LAME. HOW CAN I WRITE HELLA on a blog, but can’t begin my own paper. I guess ITS A BEAUTIFUL DAY TO WORRY and I know god has my back! 😀 THINGS will work out and I will make this happen! 😀

GRADUATION isn’t a reality for me yet, however its approaching so fast! :X ahhhh I’m almost done and its fucking amazing and scary at the same time. HOME STRETCH JOAQUIN, come on focus!

May 16, 2010

iljb#109: TRUE

I keep saying “What up doe!” for no reason LOL haha where’d I get that phrase. Anywaywho…this week is crunch time. All I gotta say is, I’m ready to tackle this, I just gotta plan accordingly =]

I graduate this week =]

May 11, 2010

iljb#108: I figured I’d write before I do my paper…lol

This crazy year is winding down and I am completely taken by surprise. A lot of the things that have happen in the past week has just been a rush of emotions and without a doubt is more than I could have ever asked for. Ask a graduating senior what they feel they have accomplished these past years leading to this moment and some might just say getting that degree. For me, I have a list of accomplishments that I am so grateful to have experienced and done. To that, I say – I am graduating with TRUE HONORS. I don’t need no cord, no cap and gown, nor a diploma (haha actually I do) to tell me what I did these past years at SFSU made a difference.

To all the HATERS and there is just one LMAO (jp…but no really though). Your commitment to keep me in your heart, mind, and soul every step of the way makes me realize that I will be okay and that you have learned nothing your past years in college – especially from professors like Tito Dan. Folks don’t know how to let go of a grudge and some folks continue to be the ASS that they grew to embrace. With that said, I love you/I’m sorry/but I forgive you all at the same time. And I promise you, you will be the last thing on my mind on graduation day. And if you are reading this – thank you for admiring my thoughts and opinions. I took care of business – you obviously have a long way to go.

To my friends, I think its obvious – this journey has been filled with obstacles that all of us have pushed through and come out as better people. I can’t thank you enough. Thank you for understanding that I am complex – but through all the complexity – you have given me love – that is all I could ask for.

I can’t believe this is it yal…this my last days here in this annex…this is my last everything of school…its such a pain, but trust once its over I’ll be like HOLY SHIT I miss it. I have a future ahead of me and I can’t sit here and wait for that future to come alive. I am going to UCLA and I will do what I can to get there. I will get that W so I can retain my GPA. I will make sure this paper for my class will be something I am proud of.

In about 13 more days…I will be an

Alumni of San Francisco State University.

April 16, 2010

iljb#105: Defeated, but not broken…

I dunno why I feel this way…maybe because I’ve burned myself out with all the things I’m doing. I’m not completely failing or bailing out on what I’m doing, but I will say that I’m just tired and at this point…I’m disappointed with how I’m feeling about it. I’m perfectly doing me and have been. I think my “depression” is sinking in for some reason. I’m not sure why it decided to come into my life right now, but it is…its sitting in my system…its there…I’m telling it to go away, but its just being a bitch lol.

I’m in the student center, just finished Gossip Girl, and now just listening to Gospel. I’m about to start on my 20 page paper…just a draft lol. But I guess I’m telling myself…even after all the hurt, all the pain, all the burned bridges, I can’t give up – I can’t stop and say FUCK life because life is too beautiful to just give a big FUCK YOU to. It is wonderful and I need to keep reminding myself that. Its just hard at times, especially these when I don’t hear enough encouragement…positivity…don’t get the reassurance that life…my life is going to be okay.

Graduation is approaching and I feel like I’m somewhat on my own. Everyday I wake up I think to myself…same old shit…different day…Gospel is getting to me…getting emotional.

Whenever I had a problem – God was always there holding my hand and telling me to not be scared. He told me he’ll take care of things. He reassured that as long as I had faith, everything will be okay. He told me that I need to just believe and his miracles will work. Sometimes I just forget that he’s been there at my low and even as I write – he’s here with me. He’s the only man that will love me like he does. He will treat me like I am the world. He will see me for who I really am…he doesn’t judge me…he gives me hope and keeps my dreams alive…

I’m defeated…but I am not broken.

Love is patient, caring. Love is Kind. Love is felt most when
It’s genuine, but I’ve had my share of love, abuse, manipulated
And it’s strength misused, and I can’t help but give you glory
When I think about my story, and I know you favored me
Because my enemies did try but couldn’t triumph over me
Yes they did try but couldn’t triumph over me.

I’m still here, I’m still alive, I’m still blessed, on my way to
My destiny, because the favor of God is on my life. Let me
Tell you about love.

April 16, 2010

iljb#104: Words.iThink.Stuff

So I should be sleeping right now – I mean I did work my ass off to get shit done and I did.

I did something good. I took care of business. I had fun.

But why do I feel so empty like I’m missing/missed something.

Maybe its all this work and no actual play.

Lets just cut the bullshit. I haven’t had any contact with lips/dick/ass/ for a long time…and its getting in my head. lol…BUT I guess its alright – no I know its alright cause I know I’m getting ready for “him” whoever that “him” is…bitch is taking too long LOL.

I need to have fun.
NOW! lol

Somewhere here would be nice

April 15, 2010


I worked my ass off and it only took a day and a half =] COME support PACE’s 38th Annual PCN.

❤ I missed designing – thank you PACE for giving me that outlet to.

April 13, 2010

iljb#101: 100 wasn’t as epic as I wanted it to be. lol

So today marks a new day. A fresh beginning. A …start of sorts. I woke up this morning feel good and feel like I was unstoppable. Maybe because I didn’t go to work – but regardless, its a nice sunny day outside and Whitney Houston is helping me sing “one of those days”. Where I am in life right now is amazing. Possibilities arise and my future looks bright. Even though I’m busy with PCN, FilGrad, Project Connect, PACE, …I wish school, Friends, and everything else – I manage to reflect to myself that this is my last year in college and I’m going to miss it A LOT. I spent my whole life at school where as others spent half or less of that. I guess you could say…I’m active lol. But thats just it…I never was just …doing nothing…doing me…thats why this year when I finally graduate I can say that my FUTURE is unstoppable because I have so many dreams for myself that I want to create.

I want to move to SoCal and the more I say it I know it’ll be a reality. I am moving. I’m going to say goodbye to the yay and say hayyy SoCal. Folks have already asked if I have a plan…I don’t, but I know with the skills I’ve obtained I will utilize them to make a plan. I just know things will work out. With this positivity on my side…I can. Folks can run their mouths and tell me how busy they are or how stressed they are, but all you gotta do is look at my calendar and see – fuck…you ain’t playing. YUP…I ain’t playing with the fact that I am on my grind…I hustle…and I do what I can and try to do my best. Shit I didn’t even have to work hard to hustle 17 tickets for the Warriors where other folks were just having trouble finding two or one to buy the tickets…shows a lot about what I can do with my future…

One day…so very soon. I’m going to make it big. And I ain’t talking about youtube, I ain’t talking about being famous, but big meaning just successful in life. For all those who left, for all those who laughed in my face, for all those who didn’t believe my vision, I will be able to one day finally say…FUCK YOU – I did it without you! I got this comment on facebook from an old friend about me trying to hang out with someone…

“that wont happen..he’s “too good” for his high school friends. i kid i kid..”
“what?? dont call me a bitch when it’s true. look at all the times i try to reach out to you, of all those times i’ve seen you once!”

These people who say shit like this don’t have a clue on what I go through on a daily basis, what I’m trying to create, what I’m trying to do. YES, I stay with the people I am close with at STATE, but thats because I am graduating and they know what I’m going through…unlike for this one…she comes in out of no where wanting to hang out, but not realizing I am not the same person that I was in HS. I’m more grown up with grown up responsibilities. I’m talking about tough shit…and you can just rewind 5 years of my life in just one hang out. I’m sorry if I’ve been busy for A LOT of people in my life…but if you took the time to see or hear me out in what I do…you’ll realize my life is bigger than my own…so I didn’t respond to her, because I didn’t need to prove anything to her – TO ANYONE. I made it without you.

I know I posted this, but this is exactly what I feel.

I reflect and I say…maybe thats why I haven’t made it so big on youtube yet cause I have been making it big in the real world. 😀 haha HOLLAH =] hahaha

Anyway…I think I did this post justice and well this 101 feels like its really my 100th post 😀

Happy ilikejoaquin Blog Celebration =]

April 5, 2010

iljb#97: Moving … on?

It just happens that I stumbled on this when I searching for the next picture to post. Mmmm its destiny talking huh?

I guess I’m feeling tired, nostalgic, hopeful, and just dreamy all in one tonight. After talking to Mary about the past, present, and future, I determined for myself that moving is a big step and is a possibility. Right after I graduate – I can potentially save 7,000 alone with work…how amazing would this be? How awesome? This is the sacrifice I must take if I want to move to SoCal. I got to set my life straight before I head out into territory unknown. I graduate next month and its too close for comfort to realize all my dreams are sooo close. I look at my calendar and it is definitely time crunch, but my body is shutting down on me.

I can’t help but wish that I had someone in my life I could share my troubles, hopes, dreams, whatever with…that was Danny…but that was a fail right…most definitely. I can’t help but just backtrack a lil on the hopeless relationships I’ve been in. Regardless, *BIG SIGH* I have so much to look forward to in life…I just need to rest up and conserve my energy. FUCK…I don’t think I’m going to do any hw…I’m so fucking tired…

ANYWAY, I am blessed each day that I am given the chance to live. I am blessed that god has yet to condemn me to hell for all my pitiful sins…that hes given me a second chance and he forigives. I just need a little more reassurance Lord that you will help heal me, be there at my most uncertainty, guide me to the road I need to take. I do all this HELP/ADVICE/YOUTUBE/TALKS to all these people. Friends, strangers, people I know, people who I’ve met only once…but sometimes…I just spread myself and advice too thin that I don’t have enough strength to take my own.

Its rare that I feel like I’ve gotten advice out of no where…and advice that doesn’t regard me being sad…just random advice…its rare…

But what can I do…its who I am. I live for this shit…

MOVING… yeah….

I’m moving on from you, this, and that…cause you’ve stopped me before in living my life…I’ve stopped…now I gotta just move on…