iljb#144: After the rain…

Its been raining for a couple of weeks now and its only yesterday that the sun came out to play. I’m looking outside my window and I think the sun will be staying for a few more days. Funny how it does that…you’re freezing one minute then hot and bothered the next. This upcoming week is going to be great. I’m starting off right too by taking this personal day off from my hectic schedule. I guess I have to do “me time” every once and awhile, I mean if I don’t I’m going to be a hermit crab who’s really cranky all the time…then again I find myself like that to begin with haha. Since last night, I’ve began my “me time” in which I just do me. I tried to do a video, but I seriously failed at doing one. Maybe today will be better for a video. I have about like 7 videos that I haven’t posted because I’m too lazy to edit and I find myself just rambling. lol.

But I enjoyed my night last night because I actually fell asleep while watching finding nemo. Why is this a surprise, because I usually am not that tired and it felt nice to be that tired while falling asleep to a good movie. I woke up this morning and finished the movie – I ended up tearing up because it was a bitter sweet ending to Finding Nemo. Also, I was thinking about how I want to be a dad so bad and I probably would be like that to my kid. This was around 8:30sh…it is now 11am and I have yet gotten ready for the day. I’m supposed to go do laundry and hang out with family today. Pretty chill…Then the day ends with pretty little liars of sorts…and then sleep to wake up to another week of work. I can’t believe January is almost done…boy doesn’t it feel like the new year is just speeding by.

For me, I find life speeding by because I don’t ever have a break to just enjoy it like today. Its so rare. I even told my coworker yesterday that I’m about to quit this deli job, but she said hang on because its gonna close anyway…so I’m like torn…but shes right…I gotta hang on. I’m really fortunate to be where I am and I know I’m reminded of that each day I wake up. I have a wonderful life, with good people around, with a great job to support me. I guess after watching my cousins video, it reminded me that I shouldn’t be putting myself out there in the dating scene just yet…I mean I need to really be single single…which I haven’t done. But ain’t that always the case…I say this speech “I should be single” then find myself crushing on someone and being in a dating scene.

I guess you can’t help that, you know…it just happens. I think I’m coo off relationships right now because I rather live through other peoples relationships through movies/music videos/songs because at least I wont personally get hurt, but I can definitely feel happy for them and have a wishful thinking mindset.

I remember when I wrote a blog about my ideal guy…I think I might have to do that again…I couldn’t help but remind myself of my love – Danny the other day…I mean he really is so much a part of my year in 2010…I spent a lot of time with him and I feel all of that is just missing…I’ll get over it…I just can’t believe I am really that FUCKED that I can’t get over it. Then again I was thinking about Andy and Jimmy too…*rolls eyes* Those looks can kill, but they definitely don’t compliment where I am in my life.

WHERE am I in life? After the rain? I think its safe to say that the sunny weather and week ahead is a good foreshadowing of where I am in life…I’m ready to move on…move forward. Look at my future as one to cherish, love, enjoy. I have one life to live and I can’t spend it wasting away thinking about Danny – though I wonder what the hell he is thinking…how he is…if hes dating…ha…I wouldn’t be surprised…but let it be known for the record…no guy can do what I done for him….welll not someone soon at least LOL haha =]

Anyway…I should get ready for my day…super hungry and I don’t know where my family is -____- womp.

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One Comment to “iljb#144: After the rain…”

  1. Hey Joaquin!=D

    I’m so glad that I’ve found your channel (the 16th of JAN). I’ve been going through most of your videos starting from your “coming out” series…And let me just say that you are an incredibly gifted individual, very blessed!=) I must admit that I came by your first video because of your “looks” lol but when I heard what you had to say, I was simply blown away. I have learned so much from your videos as they push me to think critically of some of the issues that you bring up and the experiences you go through. I actually truly feel productive when I’m watching your videos and am so excited that you have your own website-now I can read some of your thoughts and learn even more! =D

    So regarding my feedback to your story, I wanted to encourage you to continue being positive, optimistic and working hard to get the BEST that you know you deserve. You’re like a role model to me Joaquin and I am very particular when it comes to choosing people who possess unique qualities that I’d like to emulate. Thus, with that said, I wanted to share how grateful I am for your inspiration. I recently “came out” to my family and am now in the process of living life to the FULLEST, and striving to always to be a better Me and always loving and wanting the best for the current Me. And this is essentially what I get from your videos, the zeal to empower myself.

    I also wanted to give you some advice as it relates to you reminiscing your relationship last year and how special it was. If you thought that was good, just imagine how much better it can get! Look forward to finding an even more amazing individual that can appreciate you and love you for who you are (the good AND not so good). I always believe that there is a lesson to be learned from all our experiences in life and that we can grow and gain something positive from them. So I find it very interesting and enlightening that you are choosing to stay single. That’s so cool!!!=D This is the perfect opportunity for you to do some self-evaluation, new goal settings and empowering yourself to live a more fulfilling life (relationships and all…) Try not to dwell *too* much on the past…I know that’s difficult…but look more towards the present and future and work hard to make your dreams come true! You can do it bro=) And you’re not alone…

    Your spiritual brotha,
    Stephan=)

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