Archive for November, 2010

November 29, 2010

iljb#138: FRESH!

If I could go ahead and talk to myself a few months ago, back to when this all began, I would have just said – GO FOR THE BLACK ONE! haha. I ended up not listening to myself, but ended up following my heart, where it was left – with him. < How dramatic was that line hahaha. OBVIOUSLY, dramatic is my life – so lets just keep it that way. Onward fellow readers!

FRESH! I need a fresh outlook on life right now and I am at the brink of doing so. Before December drops, I will take the opportunity for these next two days to really reorganize my priorities. I note this quote from twitter: Action expresses priorities. ~ Mohandas Gandhi

With that said, I shall do some fall cleaning before I enter the new year. I have about 33 days to do this and I know I can.

I am blessed to have an amazing job (2 in fact), an amazing family (who I feel need to get a documentary started because shit lol), wonderful friends, and everything else. I am blessed.

I owe it to myself to start FRESH before 2011. ITS MY TIME TO SHINE ONCE AGAIN.

NO BULLSHITTERY this time around. I learned my lessons in 2010.

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November 27, 2010

Were the world mine


I am in love with this film!

November 22, 2010

iljb#137: Everything and Anything

I absolutely love, love this quote. Its so true and I believe thats what I’ve done each year, each month, each passing day. I’m in a world right now where the only things that matter to me are the ones closest to me. Unfortunately, those who aren’t lucky enough to be within that circle, will never know what it feels like to have “me” in their life. Those who have lost me, will someday realize how good it was to have me, and those who currently treasure the fact that I am close enough to them will realize how wonderful and lucky they really are to know and have me in their life.

I look at it this way, I’m not a hard person to get a long with. Though, there are so many guidelines to being my friend, I feel that those guidelines are simple and aren’t rocket science. You follow simple steps and you realize being my friend isn’t that hard. Its easy. You make a few mistakes here and there, we fall out, but if you really matter we come back to each other in the end. Thats the beauty. If we’re meant to be, we’ll find a way back to each other.

Thats everything and anything.

November 19, 2010

iljb#136: Falling Forward

I’m disconnected to a few things here and there, but honestly its part of the grind. No one ever said it was going to be easy. No one ever said you had to wait. No one ever said you had to stay here. Where you are now is where you need to be and I believe that. No matter what life throws at you I believe that life does it to toughen your skin and to make you a stronger person. Life is supposed to prepare you for the worst, but right now its just testing how much you can take. I honestly feel like because I’m some what disconnected from a few things that its hurt a few relationships here and there, but to be honest…I can’t fall back…I’ve gotta move forward. With all the great things happening in my life, I can’t stop. I can’t make time for those who can’t make time for me. Things fall into place whether good or bad. People fall into place and even though we sometimes forget fate, she definitely has a funny way of showing up. Lessons here and there. Work here and there. Sometimes waking up to the same routine. But this routine I’ve got going is something I’ve earned. I live for this shit. I will work till the day I die. And I have reason to work. Work for my future, my family, my student loans…my future. This is why I work so hard. I spend like a rock star, but work like a ceo. I gotta make choices each day and these affect/effect the things around me. I look at my face in the mirror – the face of someone tired, but tired not because I’m down/depressed/or anything but happy. I am tired because I know I’ve been working my ass off to be where I need to be. I’ve been falling forward and sometimes when in this motion, you can’t stop. Not even to chill. I’ve been chilling for a while and its time to just work…I’ve been burned by fake folks, I’ve hated those who fucked me over, I’ve loved those who I loved. All in all its about that falling forward that make each moment count/worth it…Forward…

November 16, 2010

iljb#135: Focusing on…

I’d love to say me, but its my job. I’m focusing all my attention on my job because I love it. Honestly, I have probably 5-6 hrs to myself and the rest of the day is spent sleeping or working. It actually is worth it because I work hard and its not that hard (what I do). Its chill and folks are nice. I like where I work.

So I guess I’m focusing on that for now…second

Family. I am so surprised how much me getting this job has gotten me closer to my mom and sister. Additionally, my family is just happy that I have a job and I update them about whats going on. Its nice. This Christmas is gonna be amazing for our family. Its not about the gifts that will be present this year, but the fact that we all were able to survive 3 years of bullshit. It was all worth the wait. All of us I think grew from the experience and we’re moving full speed ahead. For the first time in my life, I’m putting my family second and thinking about them. They deserve it.

So I guess I’m focusing on that for now…third

I’m focusing on me. Getting my shit together and what I want in life. I’m taking it day by day and each day brings a new revelation and experience that I didn’t learn from the previous day. I can honestly say that I am at my ultimate peak in my life because I know I can handle anything that can come my way. People come and go in my life, but honestly I think I already know those who will stay. The family & friends who’ve seen me grow. Unfortunately, I’m still dealing with those who just use me for whatever it is sex, money, friendship…alalaala whatever that might be. I think I’m just over it because I’ve put focus on my job, family, and myself I find it hard to put everything else in the forefront. Its time to give what hasn’t been given much attention that NEEDED attention. I’m sorry – but I think that relationship I was in “relationship” is going to have to be put on a hold – maybe for temp, but most likely for good. I can’t take care of another right now if I got three other things in a priority. Honestly, he had his chance and this “break” was just the ultimate final straw. I had to do it for us. I already saw he wasn’t where he was supposed to be and I was at a different end. We weren’t on the same page and even though I tried to say we were…we really weren’t. Crazy how a few weeks can change that. Oh well, lesson learned.

So I guess I’m focusing on that for now…fourth

Everything else. Hanging out and doing fun stuff just comes last now. I think I’ve spent enough of my years having fun and don’t get me wrong I think I still have time to have fun, but not like I used to. I’m on my grind and this is what it is. I live to work bc I need to help my folks and myself out. If I wanna move out, get a new car, help my family, and have a permanent job I need to honestly hold it down and toughen up. I know my priorities and its easy for me to say no to those that aren’t my priorities.I am blessed to have those who continuously stick with me. I don’t have time for bs friendships or acquaintances. After awhile you realize whose down for you and whose in it to just get you.

So I guess I’m focusing on that for now…and well thats my story and I’m sticking to it


November 3, 2010

iljb#134: LIFE in WORDS

The best part about having a job – is having a job.

It took me 2 months to knock down some interviews and search for some career options. Had a few interviews – all of which failed, but got a call randomly one day from a recruiter asking if I was interested in a job opportunity. All this search landed me this job I currently have and the rest is history. What made me feel so much better about my job today is the fact that my manager said that we (my group) was hand picked to be part of the team (we were split into two groups, the group I am in was the one hand picked =]). It felt so good to hear her say that – gave me a little bit more pride and motivation that this was meant for me. She told us that she wants 100% conversions from seasonal to permanent, which is most likely going to happen just as long as we do our job. She added (which I loosely translate) that don’t fuck up this job because with the tough economy right now, folks would die to just be in our shoes with a job. And shes damn right for that one. I work for a health care CORPORATE group representing the San Francisco. Its entry level, folks are chill, I get paid weekly, and I know I can move up and excel =]. This is it for me for now. This is how I’m going to make it big and help myself be once again financially stable. I work from 8:30-5pm which is great cause I like that schedule – but I think it might change soon.

I help physicians clients see if their insurance cover for their procedure and see how we can help in insuring that if it doesn’t, other options available. The health care career was never in my prerogative and it has been such a surprise that I enjoy what I do. We go LIVE on Monday and I’m all ready to take the challenge. SHOOT I already speed through my staging with the IV counselors and they already say that I got it – its about practice =]. I gots this. I am so blessed. I am.

In addition, I still have my other job at Kleins which I am keeping for the weekends. So literally I have no day off now, but thats fine because I work hard for that money and I know in the end it’ll all work out. The weekend job will shortly fade out by 2011 because of the lay off, but that’s fine. This weekend job is for extra help, while my current job is for bills and such. Ahhh it feels good to be in the real world…not as hard as I thought it would be.

I am blessed. I don’t got much to really worry about and I don’t need to worry about much, just as long as I do what I can and work hard with what I can. I’m a lot closer to my family and I’m loving it. Some things will have to take a backseat and thats fine.

For now…I’m happy with my job…=] POTENTIAL most def.

PS. I don’t have time for bullshit, so I wont put up with it.