Archive for September 28th, 2010

September 28, 2010

iljb#131: Hate to say this…

Do I feel this way because I feel insecure or do I feel this way because I really do feel this way? I’m evaluating my relationship with D and honestly I’m thinking, if he tells me that he feels he doesn’t deserve me and he says he still needs to work on more and I don’t really see it…its like what am I doing here? I mean I’m so patient and I honestly don’t want to rush folks, but its like…get with it…I ain’t trying to half ass my time with you…and to be honest I feel like you do.

My thing is, you gotta be on your A game at all times or try to be. Its okay if you B it sometimes, but being your BEST and being the BEST at all times makes this relationship work 10x better. Am I making excuses for his short comings? Am I the one who is in fault? Do I really deserve this? Or am I simply settling because its there…

I’m definitely going to ask him, what exactly is he working on and if he feels hes working on it. Last week we were supposed to go to the movies and well we didn’t cause he forgot the tickets at home…I dunno about you but thats stuff that you really need to be on point with especially if its a DATE. Regardless if you have work and shit, thats part of your schedule. It just didn’t make sense, but me being me I let it go…kinda…I was attitudy the whole day…lightweight taking it out on him.

So I need to remind myself I am a 10 and I deserve nothing less than that. I gotta remind myself that I do all these great things for guys that to get in return is not much to ask. I’m not trying to be someone else’s babies mama and I honestly don’t want to make the same mistakes again. I just need communication.

Well I really hate to say this, but I regret saying that I was in love with him…sigh…maybe it was the idea that I loved…and even at that…I had to remind him about the message.

Points to remind myself.

What is he working on? A game forgetting the tickets…small things are big things too.When I’m upset – just hear me out and let me be upset. Paying – something I need to work on.