ilikejoaquin’s BURN BLOG PART TWO

So I see a picture of Sam with this dude I know and I know its been hella years since that day we used to talk, but I can’t help but feel used and bitter. I gave my attention to this dude like no other and I felt good about it too. The fact that he lived in LA and he got at me first said something. I still remember when we was in China he and I used to talk via AIM. It was nice and sweet. At the time he was transferring to SFSU and he needed help. As a Gatoraider I figured I’d utilize what I knew and help him. I even remembered getting him a planner. At the time I lived on campus and when he arrived I felt so happy. I was helping him with everything…I wanted to make sure that his transition to school went well…I put relationship second…its instincts I swear. Helping others.

I remember when we would be on my bed and just cuddling…it was nice. Days went by and he told me that his roommates were moving up soon…I didn’t know that meant that we would stop talking. Valentines day was approaching and shoot I was excited. I asked him to be my Valentines and he said ok with a smile. When the day approached…he bailed…he said he was sick…I was heartbroken. I didn’t love the dude, but shit I cared a lot about him. FUCK I mean I was talking to him for a good while and thats the answer I got…I felt stupid because I told my friends that I’d be doing something later that day with him…shit I made him SPAM sushi…I don’t cook. I felt real depressed. The next day I talked to him and he basically said he felt better…I guess…

After awhile…we just stopped talking…he was there…I was there…but we never got back into the groove of things after that…a year later he and I talked again and I told him – when I was drunk – that was he did was fucked up and well I liked him a lot…I don’t recall what he said but in a future conversation he said, “Sorry, I was a mess back then and I’m sorry I did that to you.” It just validated a lot of things…because I thought it was me all this time…

blah…SAM was a good one, but I felt like he was all over the place in that he didn’t know what he wanted…I knew what I wanted…shrugs…lame lol =/

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