Archive for November, 2009

November 30, 2009


November 30, 2009


“It just got a lil bit more interesting…”

November 26, 2009

iljb#73: Thanksgiving

AWWW a year has gone by…its crazy.

I like this ad.

On the other hand…I only see a tit here. lol

Happy Thanksgiving, a month or so left until Christmas. I can’t believe November is over? Then again, I’m thankful Thanksgiving is over. SHIT. The hardest month I have ever endured. The second would probably be the Summer of 2008. Ahhh. In any case, I’m at hope with family – we don’t really do Thanksgiving stuff – we just do our own thing, but I guess for us family just means being together under one roof. Its cool – I don’t remember the last time we dressed up and did something for Thanksgiving…its been awhile. I guess for us, we’re just thankful that we’re all here together. Its nice being home, but last night, I had the worst nightmare I have had in a long time…I had a gun pointed at my head in my dream. UGH – it felt real…also people were dying and everything…I guess I’m just thankful it was just a dream.

I’m real thankful that I was able to work this week – 33hrs to be exact. AHH I love working under pressure and just working when its busy. I love the fact that I get an extra 30 every week I work…Well we’ll see how that turns out tomorrow since they get more tips than Terminal 3. I’m just so thankful because my manager told me that they only hired Aaron and me and are just looking for another person. Aaron got hired a week or two after me. FUCKKK it was like meant to be…SERIOUSLY, I’m so grateful I got fired cause it made me realize a lot of the things I didn’t about work. ONE – I REALLY need a manager who communicates with me, I need to be with coworkers who know how to speak english or somewhat english, I need to be actively doing something and not standing around, I LOVEE LOVEE customer service. In any case, the work that I’m doing right now is exactly what I need. I LOVE working here already. I GET TO EAT WHATEVER I WANT. Sandwiches, ice cream, soda, fruit – you name it. AHHHH the best part is ITS FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEE. (I’m also looking forward to next month already because of my job at Project Connect =] 10hrs) SO as far as jobs go…its looking up…I just gotta keep this going…can’t fuck up again. But I am thankful that I do have a job again. Its so rewarding getting that badge…its like yeah I waited a week, I took a test, and now I’m working at the airport! WOOOO. Also, I love the fact that I can see the big planes land and take off…I go in a daydream state. I have a busy Thanksgiving because I have to make sure tomorrow goes smooth…its gonna be a bumpy road.

Speaking of which, THIS IS MY FAV. COUNTRY SONG!


I set out on a narrow way, many years ago
Hoping I would find true love, along the broken road
But I got lost a time or two, wiped my brow and kept pushing through
I couldn’t see how every sign, pointed straight to you

Every long lost dream, led me to where you are
Others who broke my heart, they were like northern stars
Pointing me on my way, into your loving arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you
Yes He did

I think about the years I spent, just passin’ through
I’d like to have the time I lost, and give it back to you
But you just smile and take my hand, you’ve been there you understand
It’s all part of a grander plan, that is comin’ true

Every long lost dream, led me to where you are
Others who broke my heart, they were like northern stars
Pointing me on my way, into your loving arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you


Now I’m just rollin’ home into my lovers arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you

That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you

Well anyway, it was hard coming back home yesterday…but I’ll leave that for another blog. THANKSGIVING…
There is a lot to be thankful for.

November 25, 2009


yes, im a motha fuckin boss.

i am boss.

i finished one paper – found out it wasn’t due until dec 8. -_____-
worked on my second paper.
finished the script email for pop yesterday.
going to focus on grad app next.

so much for a thanksgiving break.
i got work tomorrow, friday-sun. 😀

phew. im proud of myself. who woulda thought.

i am boss…
i made it. im making it. sigh. i feel real good.
i did it.

mt. view tomorrow until thursday night maybe. we’ll see.
i gave $5 to a boy who solicited me money. he wants to go to ucla.
i came back to my apt to find 2 checks. haha 😀 karma. =]

November 24, 2009


(I do enjoy a random “text” from the guy I’m talking to – actually its been the only text I look forward to each day. “Good Morning” starts my day off just right =].)

November 24, 2009


November 21, 2009


November 20, 2009

iljb#72: She makes me envious…

(BTW this ad makes me want breakfast)

So I was reading Nelle’s blog and reading it made me feel a bit envious. She got a real job that pays with benefits and she is a young woman working in the fashion industry. She graduated with me in middle school, but she graduated a year before I am. It makes me wonder…after I graduate…where the hell am I going to go? Do…going to be? My major doesn’t really let me be a professor right away…and if I do end up with counseling…shit takes 2 years to finish…I dunno, I know feeling envious of someone elses life is the worst way to go, but shit…I can’t help but look at my life right now and feel so uncertain.

My Thanksgiving break begins today, but this is the first time I don’t feel happy about it.

November 20, 2009


today i went to class. today i made a difference. today i was asked. are you okay? in which i replied…im still trying to figure that out…

i have a mental imbalance and i know it…


i want to tell my teachers what im going through, but i dont want that to sound like an excuse.  i dont want to tell my friends because i dont want to burden them with my feelings. ive already done that to a few already and i do feel bad. this is a thing im dealing with…

i cant believe its happening now…=/ man…=/ all i have are my thoughts…

glee’s lean on me made me cry…=/ something im feeling i lack.

November 19, 2009


November 18, 2009


Even though the world is not all that its cracked up to be right now…things are ok…

November 18, 2009


please dont ruin my generation with your gayness PLEASE I dont want to live in a world full of gays… keep it to yourself please

So Listen

Today a man told to keep my gayness to myself
Because this man told me he didn’t want to live in a world full of gays
And he told me to keep it to myself
So his generation would be safe
From all the gays – away from the straights
Because it was gay that I was spreading this “disease” around
As if it was swine flue
I cough and you’re gay
I touch you and you’re automatically gay
I sit next to you and you suddenly feel gay
Cause I’m gay
Cause I like dudes
Cause you’re a dude and a douche
And you’re straight
And you feel that you have to justify your manhood
By expressing your thoughts about me being gay
Gay, Gay, I’m gay, Okay, I get it

Today a man told me to keep my gayness to myself
Because I was too proud of who I am as a man
Too proud to acknowledge that I don’t like women
And the problem with that is he didn’t agree with my choice
He asked me, “Why did I make that choice to be gay”
“That’s kind of gay” he added
And I replied, “ A choice?” as he nodded
I say why do you choose to be straight?
Choose hate over love
Choose persecution over acceptance
Choose to deny me in society when in fact
I play a huge role in your community
I am your father, your mother, your brother, your sister
I am your friend

Today a man told me to keep my gayness to myself
but he started to get upset with me and started to back away
as he called me gay
he was getting scared cause he was becoming gay
and he said that every 5 seconds another one becomes gay
And its a choice that I made
And it’s a mistake

A choice?
The only choice I made is to speak out
for those who are too scared to get hurt
for those who are to scared to get burned
by their loved ones and those close to them
You say being gay is a sickness
And that you can cure it if you go to some camp in the middle of nowhere
So you can learn how to be straight

Learn how to be straight?
How about we learn how to teach each other
how to love and have compassion for one another
How about we start teaching folks
to stop using the word gay negatively
Because it does affect how we see these individuals in our community
Because they are not so different from you or me
How about we start with us
because that’s a choice we can make
For the sake of our future, for our kids, and for their kids
Because you calling me gay does not make me less of a man to you
Does not make me feel like I aint shit to you
Does not justify anything that you do
And calling me gay does not make you look super cool
Because you calling me gay just makes you look like a super fool
Today a man told me to keep my gayness to myself
I didn’t listen.

November 17, 2009

Something like that…

November 17, 2009


what a rough day. seriously =/

November 16, 2009


November 16, 2009

iljb#71: RE: Outrage in Washington over Obama’s Japan bow

First off, what bullshit:

“We don’t defer to emperors. We don’t defer to kings or emperors. Thepresident of the United States — this coupled with so many apologies from the United States — is just another thing,” said Bennett.

I’m sorry conservatives, but yal need to get off your high horses and stop criticizing your president. The man showed respect to an emperor of Japan and ANY leader will show respect to another leader no matter what country they are from. Stop thinking that just because he bowed to an emperor that it shows American leaders as weak – if anything it shows respect. And to respond to this comment:

“I’ll bet if you look at pictures of world leaders over 20 years meeting the emperor in Japan, they don’t bow,” Kristol said.

Yeah those presidents also weren’t of mix heritage either. So please, stop criticizing Obama for his gestures that deem to make America seem weak. IF you ask me, I personally think that America is weak if you gotta colonize a country, show force, authority, and be in control of a country not theirs. THAT IS WEAK! Oh wait…I think America has a history of doing that right? WAKE UP WASHINGTON, YOU AINT SHIT – AND IF YOU THINK YOU ARE – THEN YOU NEED A RUDE AWAKENING.

Obama has spoke to the people – spoke to leaders in a way that makes them feel like equals. Equals that are able to talk civil without putting their “president card” on the table. MMMM Obama didn’t win the Noble Peace Prize for nothing. SO SHUT THE FUCK UP WASHINGTON with your conservative bullshit. Instead of criticizing Obama, why don’t you criticize your own policies and views that affect those right in your district, state, country. You want to cap on the president for a bow? How about I criticize the fact that many conservatives don’t listen to the people, but rather tell the people what THEY THINK is right for their district and state. PLEASE don’t get me started.

ITS A SIGN OF RESPECT, but if you want to criticize respect or define respect, I suggest you start with your own! LEAVE OBAMA ALONE – SHIT! He has a lot to fix considering your PRESIDENT before him fucked us up and left a whole mess to clean.

SO PLEASE, if anything, the real outrage is how the politicians in Washington don’t know the difference between being a president and being a visitor in someone elses country.

November 15, 2009

iljb#70: Things I don’t like hearing.

I’m still shaken…its the reason why I didn’t want to call home. I’m still upset…The reason why I’m writing this is not for you all to know whats going on in my life, but for me to just write down how I feel – cause right now…

I haven’t talked to my mom or sister – family in over two weeks no since I lost my job. I’ve been trying to get back on my feet before I called them. Seeing that I’m for sure going to get this job at Kliens, I decided to call my mom. I told her my situation about how I lost my job and like usually she had my back. She was telling me that the manager was stupid. I then asked how she was doing…and well she started to talk about my brother again.

She informed me that the $2000 I did give her is almost gone because shes been having to pay for my brothers meds. To be honest, it sucks to hear that my brother is sick plus losing his mind. My mom told me that a few nights ago my brother, sister, and her drove almost to Tahoe so that my brother could get his mind off of things. 8 hours? They didn’t do anything but drive my mom said…I started to tear up. My mom then started to get emotional on the phone. She told me that shes worried because my brothers been trying to get himself checked to see if he has cancer (he’s been losing his hair and eyebrow hair), but he can’t cause its $600…medcine is about $150…My mom started to break down on the phone saying this reminded her of dad and she doesn’t want to lose Joey…she just wants him to get better. Even if they starve…just as long as he gets better…I didn’t know what to do at this point…I’ve never cried with my mom…but to hear her over the phone…breaking down…and me not being able to do anything…has been the hardest thing I’ve done in awhile…this is why I was afraid to call…my brother hasn’t paid for his car because he’s paying for his meds…Like my mom said…if he goes…we’re done as a family.

I’ve been tryin to keep myself together up here…but its been so hard…now this just adding to everything I’ve been feeling…my mom reminded me to just take care of myself and let them handle what they got down there…I told her no I can’t just do that…but she said to just pray…repeatedly…thats what I can do…

I’m trying so hard to be a good student…trying so hard to be a good friend…but why do I feel like I’m failing in being a good brother and son…

I’ve already thought of just working next semester and not finishing until the fall…

I have these choices…these decisions…most folks don’t have to make…to think…

my family right now is a mess…I am a mess with them…I’m hurt…I’m in pain…I feel alone…I’m not ok…esp. after tonight.

November 15, 2009

Ain’t that the truth.

She won’t call you, you have to call her. She won’t come talk to you, you should go talk to her. She’s not going to let you act stupid and pretend she likes it. You should just be around her. When you’re with a group of friends, she isn’t going to run into your arms no matter how much she wants to. You need to come up behind her and wrap your arms around her, and let her friends get jealous. She loves you more than you can imagine, no matter how much she doesn’t show it. But you boy, you need to show her how much you love her. So she isn’t afraid to show it back.

November 13, 2009

Start a…

November 13, 2009


Your growing sense of self worth has come from deep within you — that’s why it’s so strong and meaningful. An identity build on outside esteem, however, isn’t as solid. You’ve taken risks and proven that you are a formidable force. Sure, you may lose your confidence because you stumble here and there, but don’t sweat it. You’re made of stronger stuff than that. Have faith in yourself!