iljb#54: I’m trippin…its koo…

I’m not a party animal, I am not someone you should be afraid of, I am gay, I am someone who works hard, I am a lot of insecure (yes that is exactly what I meant), I like history, I know I’m not perfect, I love hard, I get depressed sometimes for no reason…

I’m trippin…I have found myself slightly depressed today…I don’t understand why it decided to come today. Man…I’m just sad…I’m feeling sad. I have so many insecurities that are getting the best of me right now and to be honest, this is the last thing I need to feel right now…I feel really dumb right now. I already cried in the car after work, I already tried to avoid how I felt when I hung out with Lena, and now I’m here blogging my heart out on this wordpress at 1:17am…I have work yet again today…I’m looking forward to it, but at the same time I’m not.

I am worth something right Joaquin? Yeah you are! Then why do I feel like shit. You’re mind is wandering…WHY!? You just need to get some rest. Why!? You have too much on your mind…I just want to cry…go ahead and cry then. But I’m too tried to cry…tomorrow will be a better day…You think so? Yeah, by tomorrow, you’ll forget about today…I need to do hw…yeah you do, don’t trip, you’ll have time to do it…promise? Yes, I promise…sigh I don’t know if I can do this anymore…Do what? Be this strong…you’ve done it for the past months now…why stop…I know, but I’m expected to be…no one expects you to be anything…I do…well this is a battle that needs to be resolved…but not tonight…SIGH…you’re sad? YES…take some rest, you’ll wake up feeling a lot better…Yeah? …I’m gonna cry myself to sleep…man don’t be so dramatic…yeah I know…But to be honest I am holding back my tears…if they do come out…let them…you’ve been keeping something in for the longest time…you’re insecurities…you’re right…sigh…my chest feels heavy…you’ll be fine…I promise.

One Comment to “iljb#54: I’m trippin…its koo…”

  1. hugs man

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: