Archive for September, 2009

September 28, 2009

iljb#52: Language Should Never Be An Excuse

Working for XpresSpa has truly opened my eyes about differences, especially with language. As much as I sometimes don’t understand certain people at work, I still can get by with the little things they say. Doesn’t mean they’re stupid, doesn’t mean they don’t know, just means that they’re working harder than you are to explain themselves. If we look at it in the bigger picture, both are just trying their best to get whatever they need to across.

I feel so guilty, especially after my coworker helped me a lot tonight. My first impression about Selena was that she was rude or stuck up from my other coworker Pei. She told me that she doesn’t like Selena cause she gets all the commission. I’ve also heard from folks that Selena is always doing way too much. I caught myself tonight falling into their “gossip” about Selena. It wasn’t until tonight that I found out who the REAL Selena is…she is so much like me.

She kept on reiterating, “Just do your best.” I admired her so much tonight for the fact that she was proving her point, “doing her best”. She also forewarned me that DRAMA is not her thing, if folks want to put her name in their mouths, they’re gonna have to deal with her and only her personally. Even though she speaks broken english, I totally got what she meant. She is a hard working, after all, she has been working there for two years, she knows wassup. I feel bad because I had a totally wrong impression of her. She knows when to play and when to work. She taught me way better than Pei did last week. Thank God, cause now I feel more confident about the job and closing. Selena does her job well and I feel bad that I let language and “other people” help me judge her before I even got to know her.

I ended up thanking her and I kept on reminding myself that this is what I would want future employees to hear, the real story. I am also realizing that I am 23 and the rest of em are either 19-20 or older. I know wassup too…I just need to get used to the job.

I like this job, I really do. I’m happy here =].

I must say, even though today was hard…waking up at 6 and closing and arriving home at 12…its all worth it. I can do it. Even though I’m tired as hell…I know I got this. God has me on this one. Even though I got sick this past week, I know God got me.

He’s blessed me with school, family, 2 jobs, friends, and a wonderful companion that I am falling for real hard. =] I am truly lucky and grateful to be where I am right now. I am exactly where I’m supposed to be.

I am realizing small things, little things, create the bigger, and better picture of life.

On a side note, I need to keep reminding myself, my self worth. How wonderful and talented I am. I am amazing because God has blessed me so much. ❤

I am blessed…

PS. I love my picture for this blog…does not even relate LOL haha lighten up, life isn’t always so serious =].

September 23, 2009

Random Thought at 1:34am

The dance life is complicated, messy, fun, and dangerous.

September 22, 2009

iljb#51: Will Be Loved

When I think about LOVE, I think about the many people who have fallen out of love. The many people who don’t believe it exist and if it does, the fallacies that has been attached to it. For many people love is but a feeling, for others its their life, but for the rest of us…love is…still a question.

A question that we are all still tackling. A question in which we tackle with one another. This question about LOVE, is like tackling the question of the meaning of Life…which by the way I have my personal answer to that (thats another blog btw).

LOVE…we give up on you too easily because you have disappointed us so many times. Love you expect us to believe you time and time again, but all we end up feeling is hurt or loss. Love…there are times where you have shared stories with us, good and bad, but love…you are sometimes to complex for me to understand.

I don’t think giving up on love is an option anymore. If giving up on love means life experiences over and over, I’ll take it. I rather be loved for a min, than never at all (wow thats pretty bold for me to say huh…haha quote that shit). Just like the quote above, I can’t give up…cause the one for me isn’t giving up on me so why should I?

LOVE. ❤ Its never less than what it is.

September 19, 2009

random type.

i just want to type and this type of type is something that i write. im too preoccupied with things that are on my mind and i just keep on writing. i continue to write because it is my therapy. this remedy that helps me clear my thoughts and helps me move into a better state of mind. this sf state of mind has been helping me shape my future. my future is so bright its blinding. i believe that i learned more these past three months than i ever did in my whole life. this type, this type of feeling, emotion, this type of…i feel this type. i continue to write because it helps me. i think about today and how productive i am. my mom would be proud knowing that her son was on the grind and was doing too much, but still on point. on a saturday i spend at a library. in front of papers, pens, and this screen. i continue to make this place a home far away from home. no longer a freshman, no longer fresh out of the game, but alumnus, alumni, i know this better than i know most things. i am a better, brighter individual who continues to rock that beat, who continues to make sure that what i create today, is the creation of my future tomorrow. i love the way i do this, that, i listen to the beat of my heart. its crazy that when i got here, there was plenty, but now i look at a few, i just continue my work…i only have to get through this math problem. but thats my problem…i hate math. but i know if i add him to the picture i get an equation so right, that it boggles my mind. i write, i type, im ready to go and do my homework. finish what i started. here i go. here i am world.

September 19, 2009

iljb#50: I’m BFBRN

Sitting in a library on a Saturday isn’t exactly what I call “fun”, but I guess I have to do what I got to do to stay on top of things right? (BTW, I am still procrastinating on my actual homework lol). These past two weeks ever since school has become a lifestyle in my life, I have been making it a point to go to the annex and get some work done. I realized that my apt. isn’t really the best idea to get this kind of work done…then again, here I am sitting, writing this blog. lol. I must say, I’ve been piling on dates after dates on my agenda and icalendar. Most of it happens to be academic. CRAZY, I feel like an adult…I’m a “Big Fucking Boy Right Now (BFBRN)”. I’m doing big things and I feel good that I can handle this shit. Its overwhelming, but at the same time…this is nothing compared to what teachers have to face, so I’m taking it with strides.

When I finish my semester, I want to be able to look back and say DAMN RIGHT I’M A FUCKING BOSS! lol. This sem. is definitely going to test my skills in working under pressure, esp. with deadline after deadline. In addition working two jobs. Speaking of which, I calculated my finances (I guess I was balancing my checkbook? lol) and I estimated with the two jobs I have, I can possibly save 5,000 dollars by the end of this sem. You know how amazing that sounds and how crazy it will be if I do accomplish that? I swear, this secret business is working like nothing. In the very beginning of the semester, I made goals on what I want to accomplish before school began and they were big goals…pay debt, help family expenses, etc. When I looked back on that list today, I checked off most of it with the Masters program left as an exception. I am so proud of myself. So setting this goal to save 5,000 is possible and I can do it. It just takes time and most definitely patience, who knows, I could possibly make more than that.

Christmas already looks brighter =]. But honestly, did I really try and balance my checkbook lol…theres got to be an easier way =P however, I like my way. lol. MAN…this is what it means to be an adult? lol I basically still had $347 left for October after Septembers bills roll through. Ahhhh mazing =]. MAN I am so blessed…so grateful. SO FRIGGING happy.

Additionally, this “boy” has just got me smiling for days =]. ENOUGH said.

Anyway, I should get started with my lists…K. HW begins at 4:20 =] haha.

BFBRN! WORD!

September 19, 2009

cute video =]

I’m really getting to know this ‘one’. it feels great. it feels like … man… =] if this is what happy feels like…then i wanna be happy all the time =].

September 18, 2009

ilike quotes!

But sometimes we’re so focused on finding our happy ending we don’t learn how to read the signs. How to tell from the ones who want us and the ones who don’t, the ones who will stay and the ones who will leave. And maybe a happy ending doesn’t include a guy, maybe… it’s you, on your own, picking up the pieces and starting over, freeing yourself up for something better in the future. Maybe the happy ending is… just… moving on. – Hes Just Not That Into You.

September 14, 2009

iljb#49: I’m … excited?

Monday Video Kick Off (MV Kick Off):


I LAUGHED hella…and I was in the annex. LOL haha


WOW KANYE LMAO HAHAHA. I loved it.


I must say, Oprah deserves it! She looked so happy that it made me HAPPY =]. I loved every min of this. =] It makes me want to do it for FilGrad…right Ster? LOL. But seriously, W O W. LOL

– – – – –

There was so much shit going down this weekend that it has been too crazy to update everything, but I decided to check in and blog before I get into hw because there is so much. I first want to say…FML lol I have hella shit to do. Second, OMG WOW hahahaha. I’m so excited for this semester because I am extremely busy…I am involved in so many things that I’m excited because I can do it.

It kind of just made me forget about my BIG FAIL at the airport this morning…its okay though hahah =]. SIGH.

I love life. I’m grateful I’m young. Things are making it all worth while for my last fall semester =].

THE end…cause I realize FUCK I do have hella shit to get on. lol

I’m in LIKE with a CUTE BOY =] haha

September 7, 2009

word to yo motha!

September 7, 2009

iljb#48: …and its a good one.

I begin to relax and I let my mind settle for a min and let myself breathe. I breathe because I am alive, I breathe because I can, I breathe because it is just exactly what I need to do right now. And no, its not that kind of “I’m stressed out” kind of breathing exercise, but rather that breath that we all take for granted…and yes its a good one.

I completely have been overloaded with responsibilities, school work, work, and the ever changing lifestyle I commit to. Its exciting, yet so tiring at the same time. I remind myself that I can handle it because I know I can. I just got to make sure everything is on point and that I ain’t slacking. This Monday, I am making sure I am taking care of business, so that tomorrow I can just recover and tie up any loose ends…ya feel me?

I feel good about life right now. I know that even though recently this past week, I’ve had major bumps in the road, that the over all picture is still in tact and I ain’t trippin. I live life the way I want it to be, not the way I fear it to be. So before I get on with life today, I thought it would be nice to reflect on the wonderful day I had yesterday.

I had a wonderful time with a guy that I had never met before until yesterday. I was excited, scared, but over all over joyed that yesterday happened. How did all this begin? Well…with a simple text from me saying, “Oh I forgot you were on my phone list…hello”. He replied, “Oh so what are you doing tonight?” and I continued on texting, “Hanging out with you remember!” haha. I tried to be cute…and well it worked, he then went on saying, “How about Sunday?” A play date as he put it. Ever since that day, which was about a week ago, we’ve been texting each other every day just about our day and what not.

Now I went into this with no intention of getting with him or messing around. It was an honest “play date” and I really wanted to meet him. Since the bridge was in construction, he still took bart to see me. I find that really sweet =]. So before I picked him up, I light weight got nervous…I couldn’t believe I was meeting HIM. haha I mean he seems pretty popular on DL or whatever, but shrugs, thats my bad for even going there. I pulled up…and there he was. The first thing I catch is his beautiful smile and a wave saying hi. I tried to act cool, but inside I knew I was dying because he was definitely cute like his picture.

We drove down 19th and we were caught in traffic. I was irritate with the fact that there was traffic on a Sunday, but it gave room to get to know HIM. He told me later on that he was nervous and shaking, but I couldn’t tell really because I too was nervous and avoiding eye contact. However, when I did catch a glimpse of him, I couldn’t help but melt a little. haha. Again, no intention of doing stuff with him…just a simple hang out that I had in store.

We finally got to Kitaro sushi and luckily he’s never been there. He actually hasn’t been around SF he explained, which got me excited because I knew the spots I was taking him would be appreciated. I learned a lot about him and how hes not out yet…well to his family. I found it so interesting how 2-3 years ago he was straight…then became gay. haha he is that type of person that can be both and you wouldn’t expect it. He ate pretty fast while I just ate my udon, which by the way was bleh. I had to pee and while I was in the bathroom Celine Dion was working a song. I stayed in the bathroom for a little longer because I was getting it! haha.

We then went to our next destination. I jokingly asked him where we should go next and he replied with a shrug and said it was my job to plan it. I then said, “Where is the folder you said you’d bring.” haha. It was cute. I finally reviled to him that we were headed to Japantown. He exclaimed a big YAY afterwards. haha. Luckily he had been to Japantown before, he ended up giving me a guide of Japantown like I’ve never had before. I was then the giddy one. We walked into a lot of cute shops, I was stoked because I love Japanese novelty and what not. So cute! We then stopped at this car/automatic store where I decided to buy a car freshener (which by the way smells so good right now in my car lol). I was pleased with the buy. We then headed up to go get a crepe at Sophie’s Crepe. I had never ever had a crepe until yesterday…and inside I was giddy because I was able to enjoy the experience with him. I got a crepe chocolate with banana and some ice creme. YUM. I wish I had taken a picture of it =p boo. Like he did at Kitaro, he gulped the crepe right down, while I was still trying to figure out how to maneuver around it.

After we got done, we decided to drink sake. haha it wouldn’t have been a complete Japantown trip now would it? So we sat down at this quaint lil restaurant and drank. I got to learn more about him as the sake moment progressed. 21 questions and then some was the game. I found it cute that we both ended up being buzzed. haha. We walked out kind of dizzy…at least I was…and I couldn’t help but smile and think…damn he’s so cute! HAHA luckily I wasn’t an ass and blurted out, “HEY YOU’RE SO FRIGGIN HOT!” hahahahahha. That would have killed our kick it. haha. We headed down to a bookstore to just check out what they had, then found ourselves in the anime section. I separated from him and found myself looking at the Magna Carta book…I was so amazed because I love Magna Carta! Ahh the women in there are so hot. I want to draw like that one day. Soon after, he joined me for a lil bit and we exited to head to PikaPika.

By this time, I wasn’t too buzzed anymore, just excited about PikaPika. Its so crazy what Japanese people think of when it comes to photobooths haha. I loved it. My first time PikaPika’in. At first, it was a lil awkward cause I felt like it was a “couple thing” to do, but I got over it and went with it. I’m looking at the pictures right now and it is definitely ADORABLE. =] He has the best face LOL AHHHHH =].

After getting that over and done with, we got into the car and headed to our last destination. I couldn’t help but smile at him a lot cause he was definitely making it a great kick it. So we got there and the sun was setting. It was cute. We walked down this area near the Cliff House. When we got there it was breath taking the ocean, the view, everything was perfect. I told him that once we stopped he needed to ask me questions. haha

We ended up at this rock/muscle rock area thing. And stood as the waves crashed on the rocks and foamed the sand. Thats when I reminded him to ask questions. It started off with silly questions, then got to, “What’s your favorite part of the day.” and I replied…right now…he then nodded and agreed. Then…we’d catch each other smiling at each other and what not…continuing to ask questions. I then had the nerve to finally ask, “Can I get a hug.” cause I really wanted one. He then said yea. It was so romantic…the beach, the view, the gust of wind lol. He then surprised me with, “Can I get a kiss.” AHHHHHHH LMAO o – m – g. I didn’t even expect it to go there. FUCKKKK LMAO haha I then kissed him and I completely melted like a glacier! LMAO HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH he has the softest LIPS in the WORLD! I was like that is not a lip…that is like a babies butt LMAO it was sooo ahhh yum. I then asked, “Can I get another.” AHHHHHH it was so cute! I had never felt so good about a ending kick it turned date in my whole entire life. It was totally movie status. AHHHHH. He then asked, “What are you doing next weekend…can I see you again?” AHHHHHHHHHHHH that just did it for me. FUCK! haha. I felt like I had won a million bucks…I couldn’t help but smile.

The then “Kick it” had now turned into a date unexpectedly. It slowly dawned on us that it was getting colder and darker…so we headed back. Along the way, we’d stop and continue kissing each other. =] IT WAS CUTE! The hike however back was not crackin! OH hell to the mother fucking no. lol. I felt like an old man…literally…and it didn’t help I was walking next to Mr. FIT haha.

When we got to the car…I confessed to him that the reason why I texted him that one time is because I wanted to get to know him more…he replied with, “I’m glad you did.” It just felt good. It felt nice. And for a day…I felt like nothing else existed. He also mentioned he’s never had someone kiss his hand before like I did. I found that elementary to do…but I guess it made me feel good that I was the first to do it to him =]

The night ended with a lot of kissing and just the feel good memories we shared that day. I dropped him off and drove away hella cheesing. I slept real easy last night…aside from being tired lol.

It was sweet and amazing. =] For what it was…and whatever it might be…I’m grateful for the experience.

I did mention in earlier blogs that its good to be single…however, when you least expect it…moments like these occur. =] …and its a good one! =]

September 7, 2009

A Giraffe Mentality

Even when you feel like your drowning in the world, you gotta remember to stand up tall! (haha…think of a better caption LOL)

September 6, 2009

You once said…

September 4, 2009

Spring Semester….

I’m looking at change. A desperate call out. And I’m not talking about graduating.

September 4, 2009

Bubbly Smile

September 1, 2009

LiFE