Archive for June 21st, 2009

June 21, 2009

iljb#28: “You really made me think about it though”

The aftermath of the party was exciting, but tragic in the end. As much as I believed what I was saying to be true and in my heart at the time to A. it just ended quickly as it did when it started. I’m kind of ashamed because I put myself out there…I took a risk…and this time around I was genuine about it. However, I don’t know how I got to making out with him. lol -____- that I still cannot remember. I remember however, conversations and some stuff I would say…but the whole picture is blurred. I realize that alcohol really has impacted my life in a negative way now…I can’t remember shit! lol I used to be able to remember shit. I kind of regret what I did last night because if I knew the turn out was going to be sour…bleh.

Was he only talking to me because I was drunk and he was sober?

Did he just want to make out with someone and I happen to be that person?

Does he think that all I wanted to do was that and I wasn’t genuine?

I mean…he did say he never got that kind of attention from anyone before and it was nice…however…texting him…I had a nice feeling after I woke up…do you feel the same…wasn’t really reciprocated the way I wanted it to. The reply back? “You really made me think about it though.” Now what the hell does that mean? I left it at that because I didn’t want to continue to embarrass myself more…but damnit! =p I really thought something good would at least come out of it…maybe for starters…a phone conversation? Just to get to know each other when the other person is sober too…I mean…

I’m light weight heartbroken. I mean…I guess its my karma…for wanting to get to know someone…and not being given a chance…it sucks cause I really am honestly interested…damnnnit…

The day started off satisfying which led to an emotional ride of doubts…=[

I am a great guy, I know that I’m trying to change the way I interact with guys…but damnit…-___- I guess my ego was shot down in a polite way…through text…At least he thought about it….




ABOUT WHAT?! UGH!  sigh…

back to the drawing board people! Wrap it up!