Archive for June 16th, 2009

June 16, 2009

iljb#27: Why…Why him?

I’m listening to the saddest love songs in the world right now because I feel emo! This emotion comes in and out and I feel it right now. As much as I try to put that smile on my face and try to get on with my life like I should, I can’t help but stop and ask myself why him. Why him? Whose him? Its not a particular anybody. Its just this idea of “him” is not me. It could mean job, it could mean school, or it could just mean plain and simple him.

At work today, I had so much time to just think about my life. I hate situations like that because my mind wanders to all sorts of places. I was telling myself, I am a great guy with a great heart and I don’t need to boast about it what so ever. I do it because I can and am willing. In any situation, work, family, friends, and especially significant others. I know this is the hump that I need to get through, but I need this hump for me to be able to be where I need to be.

I am confident that in time, I will find that someone…and I think I’m doing a good job by not pushing the limit on any guy for that matter…unless I’m drunk lol ugh which I need to stop. However, I think I’ve been good since that revelation I had, one down point, but overall its a work in progress. If life was a class, I think I would be getting an A for effort and for the hard work that I truly put into everything. This past year has just been a test on what it feels like to be at my lowest point in life…which I think will lead me to a progression to my peak.

I hope so…because right now…being lonely is something I hate feeling. I’m used to just having someone…or at least someone to TALK to like that at this time of month. But old habits do die and maturity just steps in.

I’m just a lil emo because of the weather…because I haven’t gotten sleep…because I’m listening to emo songs. lol

I’m ok…I need to get over this hump. Single life…ain’t that bad…=/ I need to remember that.