iljb#8: LIFE without me

womanI love this picture that I made on photoshop by the way. Its soo…cool? haha I’m in awe right now because of the two other assignments I had for my DAI class. I can’t wait to post em up for yal to see, but yeah just fucking around on photoshop tonight and tada thats what I got. I wanted to do more with it, but I didn’t know what to put. Anyway, more to come.

So my throat hurts like nothing. I think its from all the oil I had from the food I made today. I tried to make fried rice LOL. It worked…kinda…I wanted fried rice at TK but I didn’t wanna spend money. Money is so precious right now. haha I’m even doing a great job not cashing in my coins. Although they look like it could add up to like 20 + dollars. HAYY haha dolllahhhhh billzzz.

So I have a shit load of new songs because of a particular site that I went to =] hehe secret =] but I fucking have a shit load of music that is off the chain! wOoOt WOOt…I wished I had my ipod though to make the experience better. BLAH

So I have work tomorrow at 9. UGH why’d I say I’d work that early? ahha I think I thought of it as I would have more of Sunday off as opposed to me starting at 1 – 5. YEAH. Oh well…I hope it rains tomorrow so I don’t need to worry about customers. Its whatever.

I’m soooo over alot of things and one in particular is just mee giving a fucking damn about whatever the fuck folks think about me and whatever the fuck people wanna talk and say about me behind my back. fuck it. I don’t need that kinda friend to begin with. I’m just fed up with being the option in all relationships. Like I have an option to hang out with him or talk to her. or being USED for that matter. The consistency factor always plays some kind of role in my life. I just don’t get why that is though. WHY it always gotta be so fucking inconsistent. We all have hung out as a group to just do something together. I mean I want to, but it just seems everyone has their on prerogative. SILLY me, I’m stuck here watching them, when I could be doing the same thing.

I haven’t thought this since high school…but I’m starting to question…a life without me…mmmm it makes me question what folks would do if they knew tomorrow I wouldn’t be there. Its always those last min…I shoulda, coulda, whatever bullshit. In this time of lent, things start to come into plain site.

I’ve been lost…and I’m in the middle of giving up…

I’ve been occupying my thoughts, my time with other things. I’ve been upset this last week. Told a few folks, but not to the point where they understand the circumstances…my emotions are never worn on my sleeve…it scares me…cause you’ll never know how hurt I can be unless I go to you…which leads me to question…a lot of things…

=/ im kinda upset…moreso depressed

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