iljb#3: FAIL

Unfortunately, I did fail on my fasting…youtube, downelink, and myspace have been hit…unexpectedly…I guess its because I’m still up 4am in the wee morning. I’m not going to check it nor update it…but I just had to check tonight I guess…ah self control sure did FAIL tonight. But its all good because the main reason for me giving up on these sites is that I do spend way too much time on them. These past weeks have just conditioned me to not rely on their interactions with the world – which I am still proud of. The last resolution that still stands is alcohol. *cross fingers* that better not be a fail on March 13! lol sigh…not missing much on any of the sites so I’m ok with that. lol maybe ilikejoaquin will be blogged based from now on GASP lol. jp =]

I’m lost for words…and lost for a lot of reasons besides words. I’m obviously up for a reason…but I have no particular reason. I wasn’t dwelling on the drama currently in the air…but rather I have just been up to just be up. I feel like I’m wasting my time being up, so I will make this short.

I just hate how people have so much pride that they can’t just set that shit aside. Or folks have so much resentment towards a person or grudge that it consumes them like nothing. I just hate my name in folks mouths in a negative way. I ain’t trying to start shit, but if you wanna act like a kid and start shit, then be it. I ain’t afraid to face up and own up to what I said. ARE YOU? I think you ain’t. Whats said is said, whats done is done. All you had to do is just take it all in, I wasn’t even mad? I wasn’t even trying to come off as rude or mad. SO why the fuck are you acting like I am? What the fuck did I do to you personally? Nothing? Get off your fucking hype, you ain’t acting like the position you claim you hold – if anything I am disappointed in how I am treated as a member of your org. Sorry, but clearly you don’t see that because clearly the “point” has been taken. I have little or zero interaction with you – if you got an issue, go a head an address it to me and I’ll let you know if you’re right or if you’re wrong. In this situation I can own up to my faults by saying what I did wrong, can you? Because you’re attitude towards your general members sure does “CREATE A SAFE SPACE”. Respect what folks did to put you in the position you’re in, don’t put a bad name to you, your position, or org. And if you happen to read this, I hope you talk to me directly, cause apparently you have a lot of mouth to be talking to everyone BUT me.

This whole situation became more than what it should have been and I don’t understand why it had to be taken there.

I’m tired of folks acting like they are always right, I’m tired of folks pointing the fucking finger. I’m tireddddd of hearing the same bullshit run in peoples mouths…

If you ain’t a part of the solution, then you fo sho is part of the problem!

I’m asking God for a lot of prayers right now…I’m asking God to help me through all this…I just hope he’s listening.

Please don’t FAIL me now…=/

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