ilikejoaquin blog#1: The official return of blogs.

Hello world, youtube viewers and subbies, and whomever stumbles across this blog. Today will make the official launch of my blog series for 40 days in observation of Lent. I’ve given up youtube for lent for many reasons, one being that I spend WAY too much time on youtube over other things. However, I feel like I am leaving something important behind for 40 days…my viewers/videos/thoughts – one of the reasons why ilikejoaquin continues to connect folks to different topics. So I am making up for my absence on youtube by blogging here (I do feel my words convey more than my videos anyway). Hopefully, you all will get a different insight on my life and the way I perceive different topics and such.

ilikejoaquin has become more than just an outlet for me, it has become a space to share advice and to reach out to folks who really do need some guidance. Not to say that I am the person to turn to for all your problems, but I can be a resource. It is difficult to weed out those who just want to talk to you just cause they have your AIM from those who genuinely want advice which I don’t mind either. So again, this is the official return of the blogs.

…so it begins…

Lately, giving up alcohol, youtube, and other “connect friendly” websites have been surprisingly easy to give up. It hasn’t been much of a heartache…however soda was -_- ugh. But overall, I’m doing a good job in keeping my fast for lent. Ahhh this season…I love it really. The mass last Wednesday put everything into perspective of why LENT is lent. Its a season to renew our faith through prayer, charity, and fasting. The point of LENT is for us Christians to find our way back to the Lord in hopes that we open our hearts and mind to his wonders. Lent is such a beautiful season that tends to be overlooked. However, this lenten season has been a rough beginning for many reasons.

In a time to open your heart and mind to the Lord, there are some things that get in the way. Something that prevents us from seeing all the great things God has in store for us. These “obstacles” are in the way. I feel that I can’t truly indulge myself in this season of lent because my heart is still heavy with reason. Though we are taught to dig deep in this season to forgive, to make ourselves better, to listen to what the Lord has to say, it is difficult because we are only human and as humans…we tend to have human tendencies aka…bitterness towards people or things.

The way I see it, God has made such a wonderful person out of me these past few years that it has led me to be the person I am today. Yet in recent events, I feel my faith is being tested…

Personal issues with my body has arisen and the fact that I need to be more careful with what I do. It scares me. It does…I only have one shot at life…I can’t continue to fuck it up. And to be honest…I had a reality check this past Thursday. We’ll see what is in store for me…*crosses fingers*

School continues to break me down in many ways. I feel that I have lost that motivation to continue my studies in the area in which disinterest me or that has no concern for me…I just feel like I am doing a poor job at being self motivated to do the work that I know I am capable of…I’m always tired…I’m always doing something that prevents me from being studious. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME? I have never ever felt this way about school. I feel so ashamed because when I think about how many folks would kill to be in my shoes, I feel like such a disappointment. Its like…I am not doing my best, therefore why I am still here at this university. It all came downhill last semester and is a continuous struggle. This is a new month…I pray that I do better.

My relationships with individuals…group of friends seem to be fading as the days and weeks pass. I feel as though the group I once had is slowly perishing before my eyes. I do feel that these past few weeks have been far from drama…it is drama. Every where I turn I feel as though someone has some opinion about a certain situation, has some bias or input about something. I feel like the friends I have…are slowly drifting into something I am not familiar with. Is it because we’re all in our 4th year and we’re just trying something new for a change? Or is it because we are just …changed?

As sad as I make it sound, its much worse going through it. Who are we? What are we becoming? Why is all this harder than us starting off four years ago. I’m not afraid to lose people because I have already lost some, however its disheartening to realize that this isn’t some TV show where in the end we are all “friends” because we aren’t (its kind of like…bitter sweet right Vince?) But…things are the way they are for a reason.

On the brighter side of things – family couldn’t be any better. If any of my aspect of my life seems to be a wreck, family is not one of them. Lucky to have them, lucky to have my mom, lucky to be able to see them more often. Cherishing my time with family.

“If you don’t take the time to know me, you’ll end up losing me” – Joaquin

As much as I know I’m a great person, I don’t think everyone can see that. They keep talking like they know me…but they sure have no idea. You know…it sucks…you can’t please everyone.

Today was just a roller coaster of emotions…to begin with I didn’t get any acting roles this time around for PCN which…really sucks. I know I did my best. I know I didn’t suck that bad. I guess its just a sign that I need to really focus on school this semester…mmm it just really sucks still…sigh…PCN acting is like a routine for me every spring…and to try out very last minute…mmmm and not get it…it just sucks. I was a little down on myself today about it, but…I do well in self realization.

But, some things I can’t understand…Its Marys birthday today and going to her dinner was well…uneasy because I had a lot of weight on my shoulders. Having said that, I ended up breaking down unnecessarily in the bathroom of yoshi. I was upset, lightweight still am…yet…I feel like me being upset is just a waste of my time. I was sad because I saw the birthday girl…I just don’t want her to get hurt. I’ve seen her at her worst. I just kept on asking myself…if what I did in response to what happened…was appropriate…

…I’ll continue this rant later…fuck it. ERKKKED.

2 Comments to “ilikejoaquin blog#1: The official return of blogs.”

  1. funny how you said..”erkked” Haha. Worried about you, especially about the body business, gotta fill me in. Much love. Lates!

  2. i don’t know you, but I have read every single one of your blogs and its clear that you need to look at each day, especially these days of Lent, as a time for you to reevaluate what is important to your success in life. Im glad to see that blogging keeps you uninhibited, well, as uninhibited as you will allow yourself lol. Its not easy to juggle as many obligations as you have and still be a fully functioning individual, so sometimes you have to make the necessary sacrifices, whatever they may be, in order to continue growing up. Don’t let anyone or anything stand in the way of you getting to where you are aiming to be. Keep your head to the sky.

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