Cycle this…

I guess its a cycle? No? I guess because I’ve seen it happen more than once before that its nothing too shocking. But nonetheless still gets to me. I guess when folks say, “I learn from the best” They really mean it. I want to put explanation into things, like I always do, but somehow I can’t find the perfect sentence to describe what I’m feeling. People do fucked up things because they don’t know any better or they learned it from a past relationship with someone. Its not an excuse to use, but rather an example to explain why things are the way they are. I guess we’re too caught up in worrying about our own image, what image we want to see, that we forget how to handle ourselves in the process. Meaning, we do reckless things because we’re trying to stray from fucking up, when in the end we end up fucking up others and ourselves. Its a cycle that happens…over…and over…friends become friends that become enemies of friends that become friends of the enemies friends of friends!!!!?!?!? WHAT? Something like this cycle fucks people up in the end. I try to stray away from this “cycle” but somehow, its intriguing nonetheless. Its a part of human nature to be curious in what happens if…I do this or that…its curiosity that killed the cat. But the experience that comes along with it is what we all crave for …that experience that makes our skin thicker…which makes us wiser…makes us stronger. So when shit hits the fan, it either bounces off of us, or we just don’t feel it hit. I can’t say I’m completely sorry for all the mistakes I’ve done…I think the shit I’ve done in my past or currently were done with the notion of me knowing the consequences. Though some actions might be seen as childish, I feel like…I’ve been molded to be this “PERFECT” person…to be the “GOOD” person…when I really just want to be that cat that gets killed because of my curiosity. Obviously, curiosity has gotten the best of me recently, but I think I wouldn’t have changed it one bit. I like the fact that I took a risk…I like the fact that I stood my ground…I think thats why it hurt when it hit the fan. But I knew that it was going to. Dealing with relationships, basing my relationships on pasts ones, overall…I think I just have to lay it all out…and not be scared to face what was and what will. Thats what fucks folks up because they know what will happen…What happened to taking a leap of FAITH…I think to much…and I hate that. I wish I didn’t think as much as I did…mmm…

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2 Comments to “Cycle this…”

  1. thats my problem, i dont want to take risks in anything that i would do, im always playing it safe in love,life .. everything, there were times that i feel like taking a risks but i end up having a cold feet and be at my comfort zone.

    anyway.. theres a song called leap of faith by a filipino band called HALE i think you should listen to it, it would make you feel relaxed .. i think.

    🙂

  2. Sounds like you’ve really become your own worst enemy. Don’t let yourself be torn a part, you have more control than you think… its all about prespective. Our thoughts, emotions, and actions are all driven internally. Grab a hold of yourself and take control of your life… one day at a time. You owe it to yourself to live out of this cycle of mental torture.

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