Archive for November, 2008

November 16, 2008

random

Did I mention its November? Yeah its November…WHAT AM I DOING TO IMPROVE THIS SEMESTER? Absolutely nothing. If I fail this semester, I know that there was good reason to fail…some what…not entirely, but somewhat. I have been overwhelmed as I’ve mentioned in previous blogs about life. I think its just gotten more intense to the point where I’m not used to handling these situations that are coming at me. For one, this whole BakitWhy things. Never did I imagine such a site could be so influential to many…but more so…I never thought I’d be influential in a bigger sense…man this NorCal event that happened yesterday…just took a lot out of me, mentally and physically…I just can’t believe I did all that…fuckkk…I wanted to cry towards the end cause it was emotionally draining…I friggin went out the night before, didn’t eat, had work and was busy, then straight to Bakitwhy. sigh…can someone say PACE?

I’m sitting in my bed…irritated…shrugs…well I wanted to go into it, but nm…Its too hot and I have a lot to do before tomorrow…sigh hella procrastinating.

life took a step back…

Tags:
November 10, 2008

life

Its crazy how things just fall into place when you least expect it. I believe that things are falling into place…quicker than I can blink my eyes. I have to do a couple of things tomorrow and I know its gonna tire me out.

Email BakitWhy/Promote BakitWhy
Hang out @ the Ridge?
Do outline for class
Email Chris
Go to class

Fuck. I feel like I’m missing something. Anyway…today was amazingly unexpected hanging out with the boys at the ridge. CRAZY…I had fun. ❤

I seem to move on so quickly…because you seem to act like I’m a fool.

November 8, 2008

Prop 8

I feel like this past week has been a week for me to just speak out and be heard. Whoever hears or reads my message and has some sort of opinion about the topic means that I did my job right. One voice matters like Obama said. That woman was fired up…and it took her and a few others to make Obama fired up…Listen America…you wont silence my LGBTQQI community…we’re fired up…we’re ready.

I don’t give a fuck if your religious, democrat, republican, white, black, asian, gay, straight, man, or woman, young or old. The fact of the matter is, everyone knows what right and wrong is…especially when it comes to treating others in fairness. We are brought up to be respectful, to act a certain way to others, to be polite, and so on. However, it seems to me that when folks grow up, everything that they learn is just disregarded and all hell break loose when they enter the “REAL WORLD”. The real world in America is, not everyone has the same creed. Everyone is different ethnically which, means different practices. So to place this religious bullshit on Gay Marriage is a real fucked up excuse. In addition, finding out that a good percentage of Utah Mormans supported the pass for Prop 8…just pisses me off. WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU ALL ARE GIVING YOUR TWO CENTS TO CALIFORNIA WHEN YOU WONT BE FUCKING LIVING WITH THE CONSEQUENCES! YAL ARE KNOWN TO PRACTICE POLYGAMY, SO DONT GIVE ME THIS BULLSHIT ABOUT GAY MARRIAGE. I just don’t fucking understand why this is happening…the thought process of all this…the fucking logic!? I’ve even said to myself that what if folks who said that they supported PROP 8…actually didn’t and voted in support of it so they wouldn’t be looked at as discriminant against gays…UGH well real talk…its your own guilty conscience that you’ll have to live with. UGH…if you’re straight and you can laugh at gay jokes, gay television shows such as Will and Grace, but supported Prop 8…I want to give a BIG FUCK YOU! THATS BEING A HYPOCRITE! OMG…you’re soo funny, but you’re gay…UGH and whats worse is GAY PEOPLE who don’t give a fuck about this issue…i know how that is…I was there before, but I’ve grown to understand that as a gay community, we must stand by each other to help our brothers and sisters gain their rights…which ultimately are our rights too. I feel its a socialized mentality of heterosexism that has played a used part in these young and old gay individuals. You’re not part of the majority…WAKE UP…you are the minority!!! Its like this whole issue on marriage is like a big bully and taunt session times 10000000000000000. And I hate gay people who place the “You voted for Obama” card. THE hell I fucking voted for Obama. As far as the change he will bring. I believe he can do that. However, yes he doesn’t support gay marriage because of his religious beliefs. AND I FUCKING RESPECT THAT. Because he goes on and states that he believes its up to the state to decide that for themselves. I know the Southern States would never pass a proposition for gay marriage, but I know states such as Florida, Arizona, and California should be given the opportunity to choose to have gay marriage in their state due to the population of homosexuals in that state. With that said. STOP FUCKING MAKING YOUR VOICE HEARD IF YOU DONT LIVE IN THE FUCKING STATE UTAH! YOU DONT HAVE TO LIVE HERE, YOU ARE NOT GONNA GET AFFECTED BY SHIT WITH THIS, SO STAY THE FUCK OUT YOU STUPID MORONS!!!!! YES MORONS!!! When folks say, stop bitching…stop talking…California has spoken…it only feeds me more and gives me more reasons to tell people like that to shut the FUCK UP! If its over you say, why the fuck do you keep on leaving stupid comments IF IT IS OVER? If you care enough to care to leave messages like that, then the fight ain’t OVER now is it!

UGHHHHHHHH

November 7, 2008

exhausted fuckk

PR for shit is tough work. man.

November 6, 2008

relieved

Slowly, life seems to be getting back on track. I feel accomplished as though I really am focusing on school. Well DUH! So I am pleased with myself, I am slowly getting back in the groove of things. However, my troubles lie with work now. SIGH…I’m doing two jobs. But soon I’ll be out of the other. Lets get it right? LETS get it!

I want to thank the Lord for giving me the passion and the drive to overcome all this that I have these past few weeks. Although I might now have gone to church for a couple of weeks now =/, I know the Lord is guiding me every step of the way. I feel like hes making sure that I take the right steps to success each day I walk…and I thank him for that.

People are stupid when it comes to politics and youtube. People are sooo arrogant or naive when they spit whatever they need to on my youtube videos…it irritates the hell out of me. Please…if you have nothing good to say, don’t waste your time expressing em to me. Thanks…

Anyway, this night, this day…is only a beginning of what I can accomplish for tomorrow.

Happy about Obama. Sad about California.

November 2, 2008

Cycle this…

I guess its a cycle? No? I guess because I’ve seen it happen more than once before that its nothing too shocking. But nonetheless still gets to me. I guess when folks say, “I learn from the best” They really mean it. I want to put explanation into things, like I always do, but somehow I can’t find the perfect sentence to describe what I’m feeling. People do fucked up things because they don’t know any better or they learned it from a past relationship with someone. Its not an excuse to use, but rather an example to explain why things are the way they are. I guess we’re too caught up in worrying about our own image, what image we want to see, that we forget how to handle ourselves in the process. Meaning, we do reckless things because we’re trying to stray from fucking up, when in the end we end up fucking up others and ourselves. Its a cycle that happens…over…and over…friends become friends that become enemies of friends that become friends of the enemies friends of friends!!!!?!?!? WHAT? Something like this cycle fucks people up in the end. I try to stray away from this “cycle” but somehow, its intriguing nonetheless. Its a part of human nature to be curious in what happens if…I do this or that…its curiosity that killed the cat. But the experience that comes along with it is what we all crave for …that experience that makes our skin thicker…which makes us wiser…makes us stronger. So when shit hits the fan, it either bounces off of us, or we just don’t feel it hit. I can’t say I’m completely sorry for all the mistakes I’ve done…I think the shit I’ve done in my past or currently were done with the notion of me knowing the consequences. Though some actions might be seen as childish, I feel like…I’ve been molded to be this “PERFECT” person…to be the “GOOD” person…when I really just want to be that cat that gets killed because of my curiosity. Obviously, curiosity has gotten the best of me recently, but I think I wouldn’t have changed it one bit. I like the fact that I took a risk…I like the fact that I stood my ground…I think thats why it hurt when it hit the fan. But I knew that it was going to. Dealing with relationships, basing my relationships on pasts ones, overall…I think I just have to lay it all out…and not be scared to face what was and what will. Thats what fucks folks up because they know what will happen…What happened to taking a leap of FAITH…I think to much…and I hate that. I wish I didn’t think as much as I did…mmm…

November 2, 2008

RANTS

I’ll spend a few mins just typing out my thoughts, since thats the only way I get through stuff now a days…in my thoughts. Its crazy how theres so much information in my brain that it can create me not to function correctly cause theres so much clutter in there. Well heres my house cleaning.

Thank you Erwin for keeping up with my life and letting me know wassup. I haven’t gotten to text you back or nothing just cause I suck at getting back at people, but just know I really appreciate it. My thanks also go out to Kellz, Justin, and not so important. Thanks for leaving your love and feedback. ❤ They do help. 

My life right now…mmm how can I sum it up…unstable. There…cause I still feel like I don’t have a grasp of my life even after Friendship Games. I feel like I’m moving…my body is…but theres nothing in me thats really functioning. Its as if I’m a hallow body moving through life. Nothing too exciting has happened in my life, just bad luck on my end. When I got back from Friendship Games I found that I lost my debit card. A few days later I went to celebrate Ryans 21st and D&Bs and I lost my phone for an hour at that damn place. Luckily I was able to find it. Then a few days ago at work, these folks came in to give me a GRAND prize of going to vegas for only 50 dollars with some other free stuff included, but because I didn’t have my debit card, they couldn’t give it to me. Instead they gave me a 200 dollar pizza hut coupon thing. When I left work, the FREE pizza coupon was lost…-_- ugh…Bad luck has just been getting the best of me lately…especially since I’m feeling sick now! FACK! You can’t help but wonder why things happen the way they do especially when you’re just trying to live LIFE!. Maybe its because I haven’t been going to church since that time I went to church and the priest was spreading PROP 8 to the congregation. -_-. Weird thing is…FAMILY is doing good right now. I feel like I’m much more comfortable with family right now than all other things, which is different because usually its the other way around. Friends are alright too, but I feel things could be better.

I’m really glad that I have friends that I can call my own and if I feel like I need anything, they’re there to help me. But sometimes, I feel like some of my friends are only here when I need favors. Like theres a missing element that has been bugging me. A few months ago I felt like my friends and I were on top of the world…but now it seems like we’re in two different worlds. I don’t think many of them see it…well the particular individuals that I’m talking about…but it sucks to realize that currently…they’re not there in your life when you need them, but only a selected few. And meeting half way is the only thing I can do. “Hey are you okay?” or “Whats been going on whats up.” When I get closed ended answers…I can’t do much with that. I just feel like sometimes…I’m left wondering…why the hell do I call you my friend. (And if you think this section is about you, then maybe it is). I went through some shit these past few months and its crazy how I was able to deal with the shit I had to…without you. Now that sounds weird for me to say because I would think my closest friends would want to know, or want to HELP, or what to just be there at my lowest low. I guess whats bugging me is that when I needed “you”…you weren’t there to pick me up when I fall. We act like we’re strangers…-_- ugh

On a different note, my living situation is…well has bugged me for a lil bit. I swear, aren’t we all adults? Living in an adult world? If thats the case, why do I feel like I’m baby sitting? For me the biggest issue I have are dishes. I mean real talk, if you’re gonna use a dish, wash a dish. Or at least clean it and leave it in the sink so folks can reclean it. Cause it sucks when dishes are left out for like 5 days and the shit left on the dishes become hard to get off. I just can’t believe it…things are so elementary when it comes to cleaning to me, but for some of my roommates, its hard to comprehend. Like real talk, own up to your shit. THERE AIN’T NO FUCKING MAID THAT LIVES WITH US! However, I take on that responsibility myself because I surely can’t live in a pig stye. Now a days, I only clean when I know it is getting out of control. It sucks because I fucking set up things for people to do. Like TRASH. I take it out and put it out so folks can just take it…but no…no one feels like its their responsibility to take it. It sucks because I see folks be playing video games, watching tv, on the internet surfing…but they can’t take 5 mins out of their life to CLEAN. REAL talk, it took me fucking an hr to clean up the apartment one time because everyone failed to do their cleaning job…the next day…EVERYTHING was trashed again. LIKE foreal? Where is the respect in that? Did yal parents raise you right? Or did they raise you to where you have people clean after you? I had a cleaning list up for this apartment, but I took it down cause I felt like it was disrespectful for me to have one, taking my time to make it, and no one follows through. Like real talk, folks would kill to have a cleaning list, but folks take this shit for granted. And as a result…my apartment right now doesn’t know what to do…what to clean…cause they don’t know who is next on the cleaning list…but wait…that doesn’t mean you STOP FUCKING CLEANING THE APARTMENT! Like real talk…its so elementary. I’m waiting for someone to tell me, “hey Jar, can you please put the cleaning list up.” because I would put it back up because it shows folks really need it or want it back. Because theres a lack of NEED for one…fuck it…Its soo dumb…I work at jamba and clean dishes…and then I have to come back home and clean more dishes. Hella disrespectful. I spend hella time in the kitchen just cleaning after these pigs. I don’t fucking get it…like don’t you feel embarrassed? Don’t you feel any guilt that one of your roommates is taking on cleaning for 5 other people? Thats fucking wrong. Fuck…if you got fucking time to CHILL, you got fucking time to clean up your shit…and I’m embarrassed cause our friends come over hella times and for them to come in and be all “whats that smell” or “do you want me to help you clean” is sad…real talk…This apartment right now sucks…sorry

I don’t fucking know where I’m going with my academics. I feel like I’m in the middle of succeeding and failing…more so failing…I feel like I’m not up to par on where I should be with my major or everything else. I’m half asses everything. And I feel like I don’t know why that is. WHAT THE FUCK, WHERE THE FUCK is my motivation? Its gone…completely gone…it sucks because by now, I would have been a little more motivated to do shit…but it sucks because real talk…I want to give up on school…I’m learning…but not taking anything in…I fucking suck at life right now…I feel like the things that surround me are fucking me up…FUCKING ME UP…I don’t know…I feel like I don’t deserve to be in a state school…a fucking state school…I feel like I should just quit and just get a job at burger king. FUCK it….I’m fucking tired…-_- ugh…

Relationships…fuck…I feel like its not a priority…but I feel like it something that I’m craving for at the same time. I don’t know…I just feel like it sucks to see couples around holding and kissing each other…ESPECIALLY during this fucking holiday season. I fucking hate it…ugh…I don’t know…I’m searching when I shouldn’t be. I’m slowly getting over things…and I’m glad…because I can actually breathe without you suffocating me…I’m a wreck…I feel like one…I’m slowly realizing a factor to why I’m single. I start something…and I feel like I can’t commit…I have BIG commitment issues…and its rare for me to commit in something…I feel like thats the cause of why I’m still single…fuck where is that guy who will be like on ma jock, want to get to know me, say cute humorous things, do cute humorous things, just do the fucking damn thing to impress me. WHY the fuck I gotta do all the work, nig…I’ve been there done that…fuck I just gotta sit back now…fuckk…

SIGH…I’ma cut it right here, theres too much emotions and too little time to be wasted on this blog…real mother fucking talk…ugh…FUCKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

Is this seasonal depression…or is this stress…or just a combination of both…cause if its both…oh fuck…

Greetings from the BakitWhy Team.
Believe it or not, BakitWhy will be in San Francisco on Saturday, November 15, 2008 for BakitWhy’s NorCal Mixer!

As a big “thank you”, we’ll be coming together as one Pilipino-American community by bringing the audiences of the entire Northern California area together at this exciting community mixer!

Date & Time:
Saturday, November 15, 2008
5pm – 10pm

Location:
BakitWhy NorCal Mixer
Bayanihan Community Center
1010 Mission Street, Suite B
San Francisco, CA 94103

With Special performances by:

MissCarolinexoxo
Kayla

Also at this event we will be having FREE FOOD and more!

Please spread the word, BakitWhy will be in SF on November 15, all are welcome!


See you all there soon!