Archive for October, 2008

October 12, 2008

lame

if you have someones password and change their myspace to whatever shit you want it to be and upload pictures that say hatred things on them, you must be a fool. why would you do that? why? i dont get what that does or prove in the end? why it was even necessary to do such a foolish act.

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October 11, 2008

Videos

Shes the next best thing. MmMmm I love this song for so many reasons! You know wassup.

I love this video because we haven’t seen a lot of light colors in videos lately, they’ve been hella bright colors, but this one just takes it back. Feel me.

October 11, 2008

i guess.

It bothers me how sometimes my close friends don’t bother ask me what is happening in my life because I vent all my frustrations on this site. -_- I’m sure you’re reading this and thinking of a response to this statement…but its just an observation -_- blah 

John is helping me cope with shit. Thanks

October 11, 2008

Britney is Back

This is wayyyyy better than any of her videos recently, so I do applaud her. She is back!!! But something that bugged me was she kept on pulling people LOL ughh I dunno it was like mmm…but yeah nonetheless she was dope and sexy =] Reminded me of Toxic…feel me?

October 11, 2008

Fierce! Ooo SHA

This will be the day that I turn REAL GAY! (LOL LOOK AT THAT ASIAN GIRL LMAO) They’re parents must be sooo proud that they’re sons are hoochii mamas LOL. hahahahahah this wasn’t from last night, but I did see them after ahhaha they are sooo fierce! hahah Okay…so gay FUZ (I say fuz not foouz) haha, was alright. I was so tipsy haha, not drunk, but tipsy. I was kinda like gagging! blah! Anyway, it was cool…I was dancing with random folks, but mostly friends. HAHAH this girl I grinded on – came outta the cuts haha. And this guy was like, “doesn’t this remind you of before” and I was all UGH why you gotta kill the moment! STUPID. Then there was this girl who was like, “HEYY I got to SF State too, you see my friend OMG hes hella feeling you go over there” while pulling my arm. I WAS ALL NEGRO NO! lol hahaha ughhhh I already knew the person haha he had no shame that night real talk, he just went for the kill and was like BAM! My friends are funny, it really was a spontaneous time last night. I really wasn’t expecting to go. Maybe at like 8pm I was all…ok…I’m going. haha CAUSE FRIGGIN ALL OF THEM WERE. Even Mary and Terri and MARKKK DIAO! Like foreal. HAHA OMG..tell my why Mark was hekka grinding on me I WAS ALL PILIPINO PLEASE! LMAO hahahah omg…it was crazy. I saw JP girate (sp lol) his booty on Mary and hella folks. HAHAH. Then I saw Emerson try to get at JP HAHAH Ohhh PROJECT EM! *rolls eyes* LOL HAHAA. OH and Frandel YOU WAS A HOT MESS HAHAHAH all naked and on the floor shaking yo nasty ass. HELLO INTERNS! LOL HAHA. Then there was this girl who was like, “AWW you’re ilikejoaquin, I wanna give you a hug.” LOL WHOA. hahaha then this guy, “Oh yeah, you was that guy that did that video…I watched it.” AHHAHA OMG…hahahaha WOW. hahah okay….cool? haha I’m sooo famous *rolls eyes* haha (I can’t wait for Britney Spears new video HAHA) 

Why do I have to always stick out my tongue when I dance one someone UGHHHHH I HATE IT! hahahahah -_- and why was I dancing to begin with? HAHAHAHAHAHA

Then there was this guy who was telling his bf or whatever he was, “ARE YOU GOING TO FRIENDSHIP GAMES?” and I’m thinking….that is the randomness thing to say at a club, but I guess he was saying it cause I was around them. LIKE PILIPINO PLEASE lol. Then when the club was over, there was this guy who was like talking to his friend saying, “OHH Pinoy in Motion” I was like you are hella high school…he was talking about me cause thats my sn. UGHHHH…STUPID. GAY FOLKS ARE STUPID sometimes…full of dumbass actions. Speaking of which -_- ugh…I ain’t gonna lie, I wanted to say wassup, but shrugs things didn’t permit I guess…They did wanna beat yo ass or fight a man if they saw you (but I really think thats all talk), but I on the other hand just wanted a friendly wassup. Shrugs. Its koo though, in time. 

Then we fucking all go to Dennys…UGHHHHHHH the longest fucking time ever there…we fucking stay there till like 5 -_- and I have to drive home. I so surprised we like got back safe…I fucking fell asleep hella times driving to SF. SHIT! -_-

 

POINT of this blog…people were fierce and they got it! haha OhhhhSHAAAA’

 

PS. Thank you to all those who comment, read, whatever you do on this blog…I would comment back, but some of yal just leave emails lol. WELL yeah…its hekka not like xanga =/ boo hahahah

October 10, 2008

creepy…

Hey…um…I have something to confess…I made a shrine of you a few weeks ago and I light one candle everyday when I pay thanks to the heavens for allowing me to find your youtube page and I hope and wish and pray that one day we’ll meet and get married…and then you can love me…as much as i love you!!! I’m so glad I got that out in the open i feel so much better…ooo…jaja I’ll do a special prayer tonit where i thnx the heavens for giving me the courage to say this to you…i feel beter

October 9, 2008

thanks

Kaibigang Tunay

Anon a naman bayan
Tila may dinarandam ka na naman
Problema mo’y kalimutan
Huwag na sanang dibdibin pa

Bakit ba nagkaganyan
Lumuluha ka na naman
Ano man ang iyong suliranin
Limutin…limnutin mo na lang yan

Chorus
Ako ang iyong tanging kaibigan
Kagabay mo sa lahat ng bagay
Sa luha man o sa saya
Ako kaibigan mong tunay

Ano ba ang dahilan
Pati mundo’y pinagalitan
Pag asa’y wag mawalan
May lunas ang lahat ng bagay

Sinong may kagagawan
Damdamin mo’y sinaktan
Buhay ay wag mong sayangin
Balikat ko’y iyong sandalan

Repeat chorus

Bridge:
Ako ang iyong kaibigan
Maasahan mo ako
Hinding hindi magbabago

Repeat chorus

October 9, 2008

Found this quote.

Life is too short to wake up in the morning with regrets. So love the people who treat you right, forget about the ones who don’t and believe that everything happens for a reason. If you get a chance, take it. If it changes your life, let it. Nobody said it be easy, they just promised it would be worth it.

October 9, 2008

Program

5

                    it actually sucks…

 

your best is never enough when your best was what you put out. 

 

 

                   you got me trippin.  

October 9, 2008

October 8, 2008

Marching – Paula DeAnda

“Marching” 

If you only knew
Trouble she’s been going through
Could you walk in her shoes
When you ain’t got nothing to lose
Say you hope and you pray one day
That you get back what they took away

So you keep on marching
So you keep on marching

So when you feel like the sky is falling
And there’s nowhere to hide
Tell me, are tired of that crawling?
Then open your eyes
So we go left right left
Left right left (So you keep on marching)
Left right left (So you keep on marching)
Left right left

They’re try to tear you down
But you gotta keep pushing somehow
Baby stand up proud
Don’t be just another face in the crowd (Yeah)
No matter what you’re going through
There’s someone out there just like you

So you keep on marching
So you keep on marching

So when you feel like the sky is falling
And there’s nowhere to hide
Tell me, are tired of that crawling?
Then open your eyes
So we go left right left
Left right left (So you keep on marching)
Left right left (So you keep on marching)
Left right left

Hard to cause a miracle
Can’t get up just make your move (Yeah)
Don’t procrastinate (No no)
Together we will overcome
Marching to a soldier’s drum (Ooohh!)

So we go step by step
Step by step (So you keep on marching)
Step by step (So you keep on marching)
Left right (So you keep on marching)
Left right (So you keep on marching)
Ooohh!

So when you feel like the sky is falling
And there’s nowhere to hide
Tell me, are tired of that crawling?
Then open your eyes
So we go left right left
Left right left (So you keep on marching)
Left right left (So you keep on marching)
Left right left

So when you feel like the sky is falling
And there’s nowhere to hide
Tell me, are tired of that crawling?
Then open your eyes
So we go left right left
Left right left (So you keep on marching)
Left right left (So you keep on marching)
Left right left

October 7, 2008

Frustrated

I just don’t fucking get it? STILL, I know I’m not over it, but please, how can you blame me. THE SHIT I DID was like…fucking priceless…the guy was…FUCK! I dunno. To know that I was just another name in his book of people hes done this to boggles my mind. HOW THE FUCK DO YOU LIVE LIKE THAT? Why do you live like that? How do honestly expect me to believe you when I don’t even know if what you’re telling me is a lie? FUCK! Where is your integrity? Ya sure you can talk about how smart you are and use your vernacular to express how you feel, however, you’re poor decisions make you look and be a dumbass in many peoples eyes. Though I said, I would be your friend, I don’t see it…

I FUCKING DONT GET IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You were the perfect lyric to my love song. You were the apple on my tree. You were…FUCK!!! I don’t get it!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? PLEASE help me understand. “HE” already told me you wouldn’t confess to your wrongs, yet its like…don’t I at least get a lil explanation for your actions? I know you read this shit. COME ON! Like real talk…what the fuck? Why do I deserve this? I was nothing but fucking nice to you. 

Please, help me understand. I’m a fucking understanding person. PLEASE! PLEASE! -_- 

FUCKKK!!! I’m sooo ughhhh YOU ACT LIKE NOTHING HAPPENED! THE FUCK!!!!

I think thats why I’m angry. FUCK…real talk…ugh…fuck this…FUCKKKK

October 6, 2008

What does…

Don’t make someone a priority if they only make you an option?

means that you shouldnt make someone who can’t treat you as his/her priority, YOUR priority. it isn’t fair.. that’s what it means. or rather, don’t waste your time on somebody who won’t wanna waste their time on you..

dont care about someone who doesnt care about you

Don’t be dedicated to scratching the back of someone who only might scratch yours.

This means that you should not make somebody a priority in your life, like bending over backwards to make them happy if all you are to them is someone they dont need to make a priority. Meaning they will not bend over backwards for you, only help you out if it is convenient for them. Basically, only be as nice to someone as they are to you.

I think that means don’t put someone before others (and yourself) if that person only calls on you when they have no one else.

It means if they keep you on the backburner while dating every other fool in town, dont pin all your hopes on them, dont make them a priority in your life.Theyre not worth it.

Don’t make a committment to someone who hasn’t committed to you if you’re only one of several people they see/date/mess with.

kind of like dont let someone take advantage of you

 

 

Yahoo is fun.

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October 5, 2008

Open wounds take time to heal

I’m not sure why I chose this road to take. Not sure if I was meant to really be here. I had a choice. I was at a crossroad. I decided to take the one that most people heeded me to not take. I went with conviction, however, I ended up loosing track of where the road led me, and here I am…lost in my own stupid choices. 

Its hard to not feel like you’re the stupidest person in the world when you know you could have prevented your fate. Its really hard to just keep pushing on and try to dust it off, when you know its still hanging on your shoulders. I just have so many questions to ask. So much bullshit internally to shuffle through. I am unsure of what lies for me in the near future. 

I’m broken because of lies. Lies that have taken over my life and have taken control of my actions. LIES. And you say, “TRUST is something important.” Unfortunately, we sometimes don’t follow what we preach. Sometimes all you need is that one person to tell you, “HEY I’m not single. I’m actually dating someone” instead of beating around the bush and faithfully believing their statements they falsely say to you. 

Actions truly speak louder than words in this case. I just can’t believe it. I’m so burned out that it has affected how I function at school. I’m sleep deprived. I’m… emotionally drained…

I don’t know how to function around guys anymore. I feel so…broken. I feel like…I fucked up major. I’m stupid to believe all the lies that were said to me. Even though you say they weren’t…they ultimately are lies…our “friendship” is based on a lie. I just don’t understand. I need time to heal and you damn right its gonna hurt, but I will forgive your trespasses for we all are human and we do make big mistakes. 

I’m sorry. You’re only sorry cause you got caught. Shrugs…

I’m sorry for pushing for this. I’m sorry that I believed in something true. I’m sorry I fell for someone like you. 

I can only handle so much…ya know…it hurts…I cry…fuck…I’m stupid…you thought I was strong. You thought you knew me…look at me now…fucking sorry…

I live in a world where I believe everyone to be good…boy…am I wrong. 

This open wound…will take time to heal…and in the process…I’ll be able to be whole again.

October 5, 2008

whats new? nothings changed

Before I go to work, I want to vent. I want to just let things out. I realize last night, I was a very much a hot mess…I couldn’t stop crying. Even if I wanted to. I couldn’t. I cried myself to sleep and it worked. I didn’t know what else to do you know – but cry. In these past year, this is the second time I’ve cried like that. Uncontrollable and unbearable – But this is the first time I cried like that alone…

I kept on telling myself, you’ll be okay…but the fact of that matter is…it just kept on creeping up on me and tears would just fall. I was trying to make a sandwich and I started crying. I feel embarrassed because my friends knew I was crying – they weren’t there in time to talk to me since I feel asleep. Its embarrassing because I kept on saying, “Sorry”. Sorry because they were right and I didn’t believe them. 

When you start believing your heart more than your brain and friends…thats when you know you got a situation to address. Thats what I did for the past month…wow…its been a month…damn what a rush huh?

I don’t regret anything. If anything, I am thankful for the experience. I’ve learned the virtue of patience and the fun in being spontaneous. I believed in myself too much. I always do…but this time…I shouldn’t have. 

Theres a lot going on in my mind…theres a lot to grasp…

But one things for sure…I ain’t hatin haha. Especially not in this situation. Aside from how it came to an end. Everything before that was just…made me smile. Everything was just…I figured I might as well since I never been in something like this before…

You know, I couldn’t even finish SPAM and stick around…I just…I never been that down on myself for a long time…I really haven’t. I just feel like this seems all too familiar. This situation…this setting…

Left without explanations…left me FUCKED up.

Like I said…I was a hot mess last night…

Its like…You want to believe that it wont happen again. That this person is different. You say this with conviction and you believe in your heart that truly this is worth it. You let go of everything and everyone and work for the damn thing…You’re honest and your faithful, not letting any other person try to get at you. You give them the benefit of the doubt. However, this is exactly like before…

I gave you the benefit of the doubt.

And you wonder why I’m single? And you wonder why the hell I’m crazy like I am? And you wonder why I don’t let people in. Because in moments like these, people like these…that fuck up the rest for everyone. 

I know my worth…Mary and Vince…I know my worth…but sometimes its just hard to realize that when you feel like the one your crushing on doesn’t. Feel me. I know what I was getting myself into…Mary and Vince…I just didn’t believe it was true until I heard or saw it from the person. 

And what do I say to this person now? What do I think? Like I

 said…I ain’t hatin. I really don’t have time to. I feel so …that I can’t shuffle through my emotions just yet. I don’t hate you. Some day I’d like to be your friend – since what we had was that right? But right now…It really hurts…shrugs…it really hurts.  

I just don’t understand why I had to be that person that you picked to do this to. Why I wasn’t worth your time to tell me hey…I already got something going on. Feel me. I gave many chances for you to tell me wassup. But since you didn’t I believed that what other people were saying were false and that you were being real with me. What was I supposed to do when I was already in deep feel me? I was already interested. 

I don’t understand why I deserved this. I was nice to you. I did nothing to you…I really don’t get it?

Nothings changed…I’m still single…still stupid…I should’ve listened carefully…Its crazy because unintentionally, a song played yesterday that described how I felt…

Corrinne May – On The Side Of Me

I’m not the easiest person to love
I’m often the one who lets things go unresolved (I knew it before I got into it)

Yet you choose to be
on the side of me
on the side of me
Yet you choose to be 
on the side of me
on the side of me (yeah I did)

I’m not too proud of some things 
I’ve done in my life
The skeletons in my closet 
Are too big for me to hide (I saw all that, yet I still stuck by you)

Yet you choose to be
on the side of me
on the side of me
Blessed Charity
You’re on the side of me
on the side of me

‘Cause everyone needs a friend to hold
when it’s cold outside
and there’s no place to go
Everyone needs a friend to hold
all alone I cried
there was no place to go
I remember when nobody cared
but you (I tried to be that person who never treated you right…shrugs)

I’m not the easiest person to love
But you, you’ve opened your heart to show me what I’m worth (unfortunately…I apparently don’t know mine)

‘Cause you choose to be
on the side of me
on the side of me
What a mystery
You’re on the side of me
on the side of me

‘Cause everyone needs a friend to hold
when it’s cold outside
and there’s no place to go
Everyone needs a friend to hold
all alone I cried
there was no place to go

I remember when nobody cared
I remember when nobody cared
Nobody cared
But you

Yeah you choose to be
on the side of me
on the side of me

 

I’ll be ok…thanks for the support friends ❤ real talk.

October 4, 2008

How true?

Friday, Oct 3, 2008 
    Something which has been lost or hidden may come to light now. Secrets, long-buried feelings and desires, or skeletons in the closet could be revealed. This is also a time when you can easily go to extremes. You become deeply involved in, and even somewhat obsessive about, whatever you are doing. Driving yourself beyond your limits can be destructive now.

Saturday, Oct 4, 2008 
    Today you feel less competitive and ambitious about practical and mundane matters. The world of imagination, fantasy, art, music, or mysticism is very appealing to you now, and if you have talent in any of these areas, this can be a creative and fruitful time for you. However, the negative possibilities for you now are being undisciplined, slack, indefinite, or wasting time and energy.

October 4, 2008

wait…what a night?

WTFHUH?UGH!!!!

October 2, 2008

DONT VOTE!

Really, people who don’t vote are selfish and all about themselves!

October 1, 2008

really … ugh

OVER IT!!!!

After all you put me through
You'd think I'd despise you
But in the end, I wanna thank you
'Cause you made me that much stronger

Well I, thought I knew you
Thinking, that you were true
I guess I, I couldn't trust
Called your bluff, time is up
'Cause I've had enough
You were, there by my side
Always, down for the ride
But your, joy ride just came down in flames
'Cause your greed sold me out in shame, mmhmm

After all of the stealing and cheating
You probably think that I hold resentment for you
But, uh uh, oh no, you're wrong
'Cause if it wasn't for all that you tried to do
I wouldn't know, just how capable
I am to pull through
So I wanna say thank you
'Cause it

Makes me that much stronger
Makes me work a little bit harder
It makes me that much wiser
So thanks for making me a fighter
Made me learn a little bit faster
Made my skin a little bit thicker
Makes me that much smarter
So thanks for making me a fighter

Oh, oh, oh, oh
Ooh, yeah, ohh

Never, saw it coming
All of, your backstabbing
Just so, you could cash in
On a good thing before I'd realize your game
I heard, you're going round
Playing, the victim now
But don't, even begin
Feeling I'm the one to blame
'Cause you dug your own grave

After all of the fights and the lies
'Cause you're wanting to haunt me
But that won't work anymore
No more, uh uh, it's over
'Cause if it wasn't for all of your torture
I wouldn't know how, to be this way now
And never back down
So I wanna say thank you
'Cause it

Makes me that much stronger
Makes me work a little bit harder
It makes me that much wiser
So thanks for making me a fighter
Made me learn a little bit faster
Made my skin a little bit thicker
Makes me that much smarter
So thanks for making me a fighter

How could this man I thought I knew
Turn out to be unjust, so cruel
Could only see the good in you
Pretended not to see the truth
You tried to hide your lies
Disguise yourself
Through living in denial
But in the end you'll see
You, won't, stop, me

I am a fighter and I
(I'm a fighter)
I ain't gon' stop
(I ain't gon' stop)
There is no turning back
I've had enough, yeah...

Makes me that much stronger
Makes me work a little bit harder
(Oh, ooh yeah, ooh yeah)
It makes me that much wiser
So thanks for making me a fighter
Made me learn a little bit faster
Made my skin a little bit thicker
Makes me that much smarter
So thanks for making me a fighter

Thought I would forget (thought I)
I remember (ohh)
'Cause I remember (ohh)
I remember

Thought I would forget (ooh)
I remember (ohh)
'Cause I remember (ohh)
I remember

Makes me that much stronger
Makes me work a little bit harder
It makes me that much wiser
So thanks for making me a fighter
Made me learn a little bit faster
Made my skin a little bit thicker
Makes me that much smarter 

So thanks for making me a fighter 

October 1, 2008

omg stupid

uhhh So I never thought I’d do this, but I’m more stupid than I thought…fuckkk

Its a MW class…I’ve only been going to W =_=…sigh

I’m super depressed