Disappointment comes easy

I don’t understand what has gotten to me. Honestly, this is the worse I’ve ever been as far as my studies go. I don’t get why I am procrastinating the way that I am. I usually am on top of things, even my friends know that. I’m usually ahead of the game or at least close to it. SO…I am still on this paper…what the fuck am I doing? JOAQUIN? WHAT THE FUCK? In addition, I’ve missed four masses already…I think it has a lot to do with religion and me not asking God to help me in this difficult situation that I’m in. 

I hate giving up, but I am giving up quickly. I don’t know what to do anymore…but try and just sleep. I’m lacking that…sleep is something that I really crave…more than ever. Unfortunately, these past days, I haven’t been able to get any rest. Naps here and there, but for the most part I’m still tired…I mean, take for instance my laundry…sitting in front of me…not folded yet…real talk…it would have been folded already…I don’t wait this long to not fold my laundry…now I just don’t have any motivation to fold cause I’m extremely tired.

I have to study real hard this week. I have a midterm this Thursday and I have yet to catch up on any readings in any of my classes. I still am dreading this paper which I have yet done…I’m close to it, but my brain and motivation to do this paper isn’t there. I swear its seasonal depression…this is real bad cause its come to the point where I only eat one meal a day, mope around and procrastinate on things I shouldn’t be. It sucks because as much as I care about my education…my health is more of a priority…however…I’m not really addressing it the right way other than therapeutically blogging how I feel. 

I can write and write about endless nonsense on this blog, yet I can’t find the words to write my 10 page paper…

I’m sooo fucking depressed…as much I don’t want to admit it to myself…I REALLY AM DEPRESSED….I need medication…I need help…I feel so off…something isn’t right with me anymore…I’m completely missing a huge half of me…where did it go???

FUCK…I don’t know…I’m going to fail this semester…

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2 Comments to “Disappointment comes easy”

  1. oh man! maybe ur just going through that, so that in your future youll realize how procrastinative you are, so then it would give you a motivation to work hard, be on ur normal “real life”, and would made you think not to go back to being lazy??

    well whatever youre feeling right now, god has a purpose even tho i think you cant see it right now, youll get through it!

    GOD BLESS Kuya Jar!

  2. It sounds like you’re going through what a lot of us go through. A bad day. I know its hard but sometimes it takes just a walk outside to freshed your mind. It’s tough when sleep is an obstacle in itself and sometimes when you wake up from one of those naps you still feel groggy and hungover since the stress penetrates to your dreams.
    But the thing is if you know it then do it. What are the obstacles that are stopping you? I have faith that you’ll do fine.
    Best of luck to you!
    <3!

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