Open wounds take time to heal

I’m not sure why I chose this road to take. Not sure if I was meant to really be here. I had a choice. I was at a crossroad. I decided to take the one that most people heeded me to not take. I went with conviction, however, I ended up loosing track of where the road led me, and here I am…lost in my own stupid choices. 

Its hard to not feel like you’re the stupidest person in the world when you know you could have prevented your fate. Its really hard to just keep pushing on and try to dust it off, when you know its still hanging on your shoulders. I just have so many questions to ask. So much bullshit internally to shuffle through. I am unsure of what lies for me in the near future. 

I’m broken because of lies. Lies that have taken over my life and have taken control of my actions. LIES. And you say, “TRUST is something important.” Unfortunately, we sometimes don’t follow what we preach. Sometimes all you need is that one person to tell you, “HEY I’m not single. I’m actually dating someone” instead of beating around the bush and faithfully believing their statements they falsely say to you. 

Actions truly speak louder than words in this case. I just can’t believe it. I’m so burned out that it has affected how I function at school. I’m sleep deprived. I’m… emotionally drained…

I don’t know how to function around guys anymore. I feel so…broken. I feel like…I fucked up major. I’m stupid to believe all the lies that were said to me. Even though you say they weren’t…they ultimately are lies…our “friendship” is based on a lie. I just don’t understand. I need time to heal and you damn right its gonna hurt, but I will forgive your trespasses for we all are human and we do make big mistakes. 

I’m sorry. You’re only sorry cause you got caught. Shrugs…

I’m sorry for pushing for this. I’m sorry that I believed in something true. I’m sorry I fell for someone like you. 

I can only handle so much…ya know…it hurts…I cry…fuck…I’m stupid…you thought I was strong. You thought you knew me…look at me now…fucking sorry…

I live in a world where I believe everyone to be good…boy…am I wrong. 

This open wound…will take time to heal…and in the process…I’ll be able to be whole again.

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