Archive for October, 2008

October 30, 2008

Before I sleep…

Before I sleep, I just want to just lay some things outs. 

First off, thank you to those who recently commented on my blogs. Again, I do read em and I wish I knew how to reply back, but sometimes it wont let me or people just leave random names haha. Its nice to know there are some folks out there looking out for me or want my well being…even if some of them are strangers. Again, I want to say thank you for leaving down your feedback. I think my blogs are more intense than my vlogs…so whatever you read on this page…is real legit…again…thanks! ❤

I guess, all these emotions rushing through me have just been piling up. Theres so much I want to express and feel…that it comes to a point where I don’t know how to exactly do that. I’m just tired…emotionally and physically. Theres nothing more than I can do to …dust this shit off me…theres nothing more than I can do to just…let things go…it is what it is and I guess for now I’ll have to deal. It has come to the point where I rearranged my post its on my wall where all the colors are in one group. I guess this is my way of trying to get a grip of my life…

I’ll be okay though…these emotions are just getting the best of me…but I’ll get through em right? 

Sigh what bothers me is that the folks that say “they care” about me or whatever it is…haven’t onced really checked in with me…to see how I’m doing…all they probably do is read what I’m saying…thinking…yeah this goes out to you! i just feel that support system is lacking from you and if it was there, I think I can better deal with the situation at hand. I mean…fuck…=P

All I can do is live my life…if you only knew that you still have a some affect on me…if only you knew. But its cool cause we’re living, breathing, we’re doing fine not having each other in the picture. We’ll be fine.

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October 29, 2008

=/

i dont deserve to live.

Tags:
October 28, 2008

fucking up fucking sucks

If I knew this is what fg would do to my schedule/life…I wouldn’t have done it. I would take it all back…I really would if I knew this is what would happen. I’m really fucking up in school…especially my design courses. YO these are my major courses…wtf…I don’t know what the hell I’m doing at state anymore…fuck…my priorities are whack…things have been processing in my mind: take a semester off, quit school, transfer to sj, move out, fuck up on school and try my best next semester….UGH…just fucking sucks…cause I feel like I left and I came back to a WHOLE shit load of mess. 

For starters…being project manager…I fucked up…I hella got demoted in my group today…cause I didnt do my job…FUCK…I look stupid in that group now cause fucking they think I dont got my shit straight…ughhh I GUESS I DONT! ugh…so yeah I got demoted and now I’m fucking something else…

I didn’t do my trend board that was due at 4pm today which I didnt know…so I’m like FUCK…I’ma do it tonight, but shit like ughhhh I’m pissed that I didnt get to do it…

I put in my two weeks for jamba juice today…sigh…damnit!!

I keep on sleeping…cause energy drinks dont help…

bakitwhy and francis’s recommendation are on my plate too…SIGH….

 

COMPLETELY miserable right now…I fucking suck at life =( I FUCKING suck at life…

 

on another note…

 

I’ve always loved Murs, but this song has just been on repeat for the past hour since I found it. Murs says it true, I love his lyrics. Its crazy how it makes sense and how it places perspective on things. 

 

 

Break Up – Murs 

I wanna hear your voice but I don’t want you to call
I wanna see you girl but not see you at all
I wanna make up but I still wanna fight
I wanted to break up but it just don’t feel right…

I hate you, you hate me
but still can’t escape we 
and all the bullshit we’ve been going through lately
hearbroke, lovestruck, tellin’ ya’ll it ain’t me
life without you girl, is something that I can’t see
I ain’t gon’ lie say I don’t get lonely
but it’s only so much I can kick it with the homeys
somebody told me you already moved on 
I broke up with you, you ain’t supposed to get your groove on!
Not now, at least wait a couple weeks
got me looking like a chump with my business in the streets
been a couple weeks but it feels like you’re still there no matter how clean I’m still finding your hair or some shit you forgot, or I’m standing in that spot, where you came so hard I didn’t think that you would stop!
But quiet as a step, I know you miss me just a little
washed the sheets when you left, but still smell you on my pillow and…
[HOOK]X2
Everything I do it reminds me of you, and
Everything I see reminds me of we, and
Everytime I lust it reminds me of us, 
Girl I wanna stay together cuz I hate breaking up
[VERSE2]
You didn’t call me last night, what you trying to be, strong?
You’ll call yourself stupid when you finally hear this song ’cause I would’ve took you back
I was waiting to, in fact
all you had to do was hollar, girl
I would’ve just collapsed and 
fell into a trap and started to relapse
and yo ass never called so it just never happened.
Now I’m thinking Jasmine, Tanya, Sherane
some exes I could call that’ll probably ease the pain
I try ta follow through but I wind up calling you
hanging up before it ring, girl it’s really all on you
but you’d wanna get into it, make me mad, push my buttons
got us tripping off of little stuff that don’t mean nothin
I was sick of the suffering, the fighting, the fussing
what happened to the love and the late night discussions 
about children and family, the future, the planet
now it’s all over ’cause you couldn’t understand me…
[HOOK]
Started missing you again last night –
’til I remembered all the reasons that yo ass loved to fight, it’s like dude-
I really wanted this to work, but you-
had to get your shit together first, 
but what’s worse
I really wanted you to stay but I needed you to leave ’cause we was fighting everyday
Alright, not everyday, I know that that’s a lie 
darn it, we was supposed to be companions
we was more like opponents
don’t this song make you wanna do it one more time?
Can I still be the only dude that’s on your mind?
I’m too proud to beg, but I’m hoping that you’re not
I would take you back quick girl, without a second thought
but I’m caught up in my pride
and I can’t make the call
I didn’t want ta break up, just a break, that’s all
it’s been a long time, I know I probably shouldn’t have left you
’cause you’re the only woman that I wanna sleep next to and…
[HOOK]

 

 

DPRESD

 

Its moments like these that I’m like fuckk everyone

October 22, 2008

Prop h8te!

I decided to highlight this blog that I found about Prop 8.
— 
Ben ‘s Blogs

10/21/08 03:37 PM 
Some of my research on Prop 8… 

This document is specifically dedicated to Proposition 8 on the California ballot this coming Nov 4th 2008. I am not speaking out against anyone’s faith or religion. I strongly recommend seeing “For the Bible Tells Me So” for information regarding that, or you can call me and we can talk. 

I would like to examine some of the claims that are being made by the proponents of Proposition 8. 

1. “If proposition 8 passes, gay marriage will have to be taught in the public school system.” 

This is the biggest claim that “Yes on 8” is making. This is taken from California school code 51890. Code 51890 includes grades k-12 in the public school system. It is for comprehensive health education programs. The section regarding marriage specifically applies to the legal and financial aspects and responsibilities of marriage and parenthood. This class does not exist for kindergartners… or even those of elementary school age. Somehow I don’t think they would understand the legal and financial aspects of a marriage. So this leaves us with the possibility that gay marriage will be taught in high school? Not quite. Again, this class only teaches the financial and legal aspects of marriage… not who to love and not why we love. Also, this class is only a requirement for school districts seeking state funds for health education, which not every school does. Furthermore, the “yes on 8” campaign left out code 51914. Code 51914 states, “No plan shall be approved by the State Board of Education unless it determines that the plan was developed with the active cooperation of parents, community, and teachers, in all stages of planning, approval, and implementation of the plan.” In addition to this, California law also gives parents broad authority to remove their children from any health instruction if it conflicts with their personal beliefs. I’d also like to point out that you must be kidding yourself if you think teenagers know nothing about sexuality. 

Also, in relation to the first claim, proponents of Prop 8 tend to point to the Massachusetts school system and what their children were being taught in public schools. I think everyone knows we live in California and not Massachusetts, right? We all know we have our own school codes? We do. See response to claim 1. 

2. “Churches can lose their tax exemptions.” 

There is no wording in Prop 8 that has anything to do with Churches or religious services. “No religion will be required to change its religious policies or practices with regard to same sex couples, and no religious officiant will be required to solemnize a marriage in contravention to their religious beliefs.” (Official ruling by California State Supreme Court judges) 

3. “Prop 8 is about preserving marriage, it’s not an attack on the gay lifestyle.” 

Proposition 8 is not about preserving marriage. To “preserve marriage”, I recommend banning divorce. Proposition 8 is taking marriage rights away from everyday people. And by taking rights away from someone, I believe that is a direct attack on someone’s lifestyle. 

4. “The best situation for a child is to be raised by a married mother and father.” 

One of the areas that I’ve done extensive research on is the effects on children who are raised by homosexual parents. Each study has found the exact same thing. There is no difference. What the Psychological Association, The Pediatric Association, the American Anthropological Association, the Sociological Association, and countless others have concluded is this: a child is best situated when a committed couple is raising them. It has nothing to do with sexual preference, but it has everything to do with a strong commitment, such as marriage. Furthermore, it is found that homosexual couples have a much higher percentage rate of adopting mentally and physically disabled children. 

Proposition 8 blatantly states that it eliminates the rights of same sex couples to marry. No one deserves to have rights taken away from them. No one’s marriage deserves to be voided. 

If after reading this, you still are in favor of passing Proposition 8. I ask that you look directly into my eyes and tell me, “No, you are not equal.” 

Authored by Ben A., 2008. 

October 20, 2008

Foolish

See my days are cold without you 
But I’m hurtin while im with you 
And though my heart can’t take no more 
I keep on running back to you 
See my days are cold without you 
But I’m hurtin while im with you 
And though my heart can’t take no more 
I keep on running back to you 

Baby I don’t know why ya treatin me so bad 
You said you love me, no one above me 
And I was all you had 
And though my heart is eating for ya 
I can’t stop crying 
I don’t know how 
I allow you to treat me this way and still i stay 

See my days are cold without you 
But I’m hurtin while im with you 
And though my heart can’t take no more 
I keep on running back to you 
See my days are cold without you 
But I’m hurtin while im with you 
And though my heart can’t take no more 
I keep on running back to you 

Baby I don’t know why ya wanna do me wrong 
See when I’m home, I’m all alone 
And you are always gone 
And boy, you kno I really love you 
I can’t deny 
I can’t see how you could bring me to so many tears 
after all these years 

See my days are cold without you 
But I’m hurtin while im with you 
And though my heart can’t take no more 
I keep on running back to you 
See my days are cold without you 
But I’m hurtin while im with you 
And though my heart can’t take no more 
I keep on running back to you 
Oohhhhh 
I trusted you, I trusted you 
So sad, so sad 
what love will make you do 
all the things that we accept 
be the things that we regret 
too all of my ladies (ladies) feel me 
c’mon sing wit me 
See, when I get the strength to leave 
You always tell me that you need me 
And I’m weak cause I believe you 
And I’m mad because I love you 
So I stop and think that maybe 
You can learn to appreciate me 
Then it all remains the same that 
You ain’t never gonna change 
(never gonna change, never gonna change) 
See my days are cold without you 
But I’m hurtin while im with you 
And though my heart can’t take no more 
I keep on running back to you 
See my days are cold without you 
Butm hurtin while im with you 
And though my heart can’t take no more 
I keep on running back to you 

Baby why you hurt me leave me and desert me 
Boy I gave you all my heart 
And all you do is tear it up 
Looking out my window 
Knowing that I should go 
Even when I pack my bags 
This something always hold me back

October 19, 2008

WTF HAHAH CHEATERS!

Dating 101: The Truth About Why Men Cheat
Counselor M. Gary Neuman surveyed 200 cheating and noncheating husbands to get at the real reasons behind men’s infidelity.

What makes men cheat? Marriage counselor M. Gary Neuman dug through past research on male infidelity and found that most answers came from the wife’s point of view. “Wouldn’t it make more sense to ask the guys?” he thought. So for his new book, “The Truth About Cheating,” Neuman surveyed 200 cheating and noncheating husbands to get at the real reasons behind men’s infidelity — including what cheating men say could have prevented them from straying. Here, some of his findings:

48% of men rated emotional dissatisfaction as the primary reason they cheated.

So much for the myth that for men, cheating is all about physical intimacy: Only 8 percent of men said that physical dissatisfaction was the main factor in their infidelity. “Our culture tells us that all men need to be happy is to have physical intimacy with someone,” Neuman says. “But men are emotionally driven beings too. They want their wives to show them that they’re appreciated, and they want women to understand how hard they’re trying to get things right.” The problem is that men are less likely than women to express these feelings, so you won’t always know when your guy is in need of a little affirmation. “Most men consider it unmanly to ask for a pat on the back, which is why their emotional needs are often overlooked,” Neuman says. “But you can create a marital culture of appreciation and thoughtfulness — and once you set the tone, he’s likely to match it.”

66% of cheating men report feeling guilt during the affair.

The implications are a little scary: It isn’t just uncaring jerks who cheat. In fact, 68 percent of cheaters never dreamed they’d be unfaithful, and almost all of them wished they hadn’t done it, Neuman says. Clearly, guilt isn’t enough to stop a man from cheating. “Men are good at compartmentalizing feelings,” Neuman explains. “They can hold on to their emotions and deal with them later.” So even if your partner swears he would never cheat, don’t assume it can’t happen. It’s important for both of you to take steps toward creating the relationship you want.
77% of cheating men have a good friend who cheated.

Hanging around friends who stray makes cheating seem normal and legitimizes it as a possibility. The message he’s subconsciously telling himself: “My friend is a good guy who happens to be cheating on his wife. I guess even the best of us do it.” You can’t simply ban your husband from hanging out with Mr. Wandering Eyes, Neuman says, but you can request that they spend their time together in an environment that offers less temptation, like at a sporting event or a restaurant for lunch rather than at a bar or club. Another strategy: Build your social circle around happily married couples that share your values — it’ll create an environment that supports marriage.

40% of cheating men met the other woman at work.

“Oftentimes the woman he cheats with at the office is someone who praises him, looks up to him, and compliments his efforts,” Neuman says. “That’s another reason why it’s so critical that he feel valued at home.” Luckily, there’s a clear warning sign that your husband is getting a little too cozy with a colleague: If he praises or mentions the name of a female coworker more than he would a male counterpart, your antennae should go up — and it’s time for the two of you to set boundaries about what is and isn’t okay at work, Neuman says. Is it acceptable for him to work late if it’s only him and her? Can they travel together to conferences? Have dinners out to discuss a project? Ask him what he’d feel comfortable with you doing with a male colleague.
Only 12% of cheating men said their mistress was more physically attractive than their wife.
In other words, a man doesn’t stray because he thinks he’ll get lucky with a better-looking body. “

In most cases, he’s cheating to fill an emotional void. In most cases, he’s cheating to fill an emotional void,” Neuman says. “He feels a connection with the other woman, and physical intimacy comes along for the ride.” If you’re worried about infidelity, focus on making your relationship more loving and connected, not on getting your body just right or mastering how to please him physically. (But know that physical intimacy does matter — it’s one of the key ways your guy expresses his love and feels close to you, so be sure to keep it a priority.)

Only 6% of cheating men had physical intimacy with a woman after meeting her that same day or night.

Actually, 73 percent of men got to know the other woman for more than a month before they cheated. (OMG HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA LMAO HAHAHAHAHHAAHAHHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA THIS GOT ME TRIPPPIN

This means that you may have time to see the warning signs before infidelity occurs — you might even see it coming before he does. Keep an eye out for these common signals: He spends more time away from home, stops asking for physical intimacy, picks fights more frequently, or avoids your calls. Your gut reaction may be to confront him, but most men will deny even thinking about cheating, especially if nothing physical has occurred yet. Instead, Neuman suggests, take charge of what you can control — your own behavior — and take the lead in bringing your relationship to a better place. Don’t hesitate to show your appreciation for him, prioritize time together, and initiate affection more. Give him a reason to keep you at the front of his mind, Neuman says. And be open about how you feel about what’s going on between the two of you (again, without mentioning any third parties). Try “I think we’ve started to lose something important in our relationship, and I don’t want it to disappear.” In the meantime, commit to keeping tabs on your relationship and doing what it takes to keep it working for you.

October 19, 2008

Stories

Its amazing to read about something that places things that happens every day in perspective. The product of our lives is a reflection of the stories we make. Stories enhance a persons lives. We tell a story every day whether its about something that happened to us, explaining a lecture that a friend missed, or this blog that you are currently reading. These stories make up our lives and enhances our productivity. The book I’m reading for my DAI class entitled, A Whole New Mind by Daniel H. Pink is supposed to mold young designers like me to start thinking with both sides of the brain, rather than the one side that we’ve been socialized to think with. 

The chapter I currently read was a part of the six senses in which we need to help us engage in this Conceptual Age. Design, Story, Symphony, Empathy, Play, and Meaning. These, “will guide our lives and shape our world” (Pink, 67) as Pink states in his book. Clearly, I understand his analysis even more as I read the chapter about Story. 

In the chapter, he talks about how stories are as important as facts. He explains that a story is how we retain information and it is an easier way to remember a subject matter. Furthermore, he also shows a misconception that society has on stories vs facts by stating, “Stories amuse; facts illuminate. Stories divert; facts reveal. Stories are for cover; facts are for real.” However, the reality is that, “Stories are important cognitive events, for they encapsulate, into one compact package, information, knowledge, context, and emotion.”(Pink, 103).

In most work places, having someone read a manual is not the only method of teaching. Telling a story is an additional method that many jobs have encouraged to help their employees better grasps the information and purpose of their job. Take for instance at Jamba Juice, we are required to read a manual, but after training, our trainers and managers give significance to all the material by telling a story like, “Building block number four is important because we don’t want any of our customers to come into a store and feel like our story is dirty.” Stories like these give more significance to the job requirement. 

But more interestingly, the section that got me really interested was the fact that several companies have used “story” in their products. An example that Pink stated was how he was debating on three liquors to purchase, but he didn’t know which one to chose from. The third option was different from the other two in that on the label it told a brief history on company, Tattoo Red, and how they explained 50 cents from the sale they get go towards cancer research. So Pink purchased Tattoo Red. 

This is just one example of how story can help a produce profit or enhance the appeal to consumers. Another example I can think of is the Vitamin Water, which have brief stories on the label. Other brands such as Starbucks, Jamba Juice, and McDonalds follow the same trend of telling a story. Stories are not only used to help sell, but stories also help heal. In the chapter, Pink explains how story has become essential in the medical field to nurses/doctors in interacting with patients. 

Overall, “Stories represent a pathway to understanding that doesn’t run through the left side of the brain.” (Pink, 115) 

Think about it, its bogles my mind! haha =]

 

 

 

EW I’m a nerd! LMAO HAHAH this looks like a essay response hahaha but its just for my personal enjoyment…gross =] HAHAHAH

October 16, 2008

ugh

I HATE DANCERS =[

October 15, 2008

Discomfort

“It takes years to build trust and seconds to destroy it.”

October 15, 2008

I get like this …

I get like this when I’m alone and sitting under the sun at state. Its crazy to just remind myself…you’re a friggin senior on this campus (not graduating though) and you pretty much know the ins and outs of this campus better than most. However, why do I feel at times like I am still lost and still trying to figure out what the hell I’m doing in my major. Sure I’m taking classes to enhance my understanding about the world. Sure I’m writing essays and responses to condition myself to write properly. BUT what the hell am I really doing? Where the hell am I going with my life. 

Some of my friends are graduating this year and yes some of them are still unsure what they’re going to be doing after graduation, but I know that they have a better handle on their career than I do. Its like a paper without a thesis, there’s no relevance or importance without a guide or direction. 

I’m good at graphic design, I have concepts, I can’t think of creative models, but …what the hell am I going to do with that if I don’t know what internships I’m going to take, how I’m going to get there, what aspect of design I want to focus. UGH, I know that I’m taking 370 for a reason, but its so tedious that it discourages me to get real in depth with my major. Much like my communication class. The only class in which I felt like I really gained a perspective on DAI is my history class. Though I might not remember all of what I learned, I know for a fact that I learned something! 

I’m learning everyday to really appreciate where I am. I really take this environment and experience for granted A LOT! I don’t mean to, but the fact that I am in the motions of growing up and learning from my mistakes, I just forget a lot of times that I am privileged to have this education, environment…feel me?

I just had a hugeeeeee HUGEEE upset in my life not to long ago and it just fucked up my whole mode of doing things. I know I should have known better to let things like THAT get in the way, but risks is another factor in making this experience worth while. However, its gotten the best of me. I turned in the worst paper of my life, I have obligations to settle, a slideshow for a debutant, work, and midterms to really hash out. Did I forget to mention I need to fit in sleep in there some how? 

Life is only complicated when you don’t have control of it. I feel like I’m starting to regain it slowly. The choices I make impact my future. I NEED TO REMIND MYSELF THAT. I’m not here for guys, I’m not here for friendship, I’m not here to fuck around anymore…I am here for my future. MY, NOT YOUR, FUTURE. 

I wish I was a little bit smarter. I wish I was a little bit more confident. I wish I had better social skills. I wish …

GO HARD OR GO HOME

October 15, 2008

bullshit

That WAS the worst paper I ever turned in…in LIFE! 

 

UGH *CRIES*

October 14, 2008

simplethings

I’m simply tired…tired and stressed, but tonight I feel like I was able to at LEAST breathe for a quick second. I guess I have anxiety about tomorrow being that I have Project Connect, Class, and then I have FG! AHHHH I mean, really though…But tonight I have a paper to do. I should be studying too…

 

Day…what is this…10? 11? mmm whatever day it is…I’m feeling a lil ok…I’m doing much better. Kind of. HAHA…things are slowly getting back to where they should be, however…its just been bs feeling the motions. So…I leave for SoCal next Friday. OOoOO man…

 

FRIENDSHIP! GOT EM.

October 13, 2008

The what the fucks of fucks

 

What the fuck? 

I’ve been on this mood for quite a week now and it still hasn’t disappeared. I’ve continued to make myself feel more and more like an idiot and day by day feel like a dumbass since I feel the way I do.

What the fuck? How do I feel? I feel like theres something inside of me that is itching to just get out. Something inside of me that needs to burst out and just yell out in the top of my lungs. However, something is shutting me up. For the past week or so, I’ve just been keeping it all in, or at least trying to. I’ve been just suffering from what I call, “POST DEPRESSION”, where I think of the worst and the worst gets the best of me.

WHAT THE FUCK? 

Now I know what I need to do, don’t need to tell me twice. I think I know myself better than anyone and advice I probably already know, but it still gets to me because this feeling of whatever the fuck it is, is important for me to experience. But again, I don’t think its working out in my best interest since this week is a bummer and pain and I have many deadlines to meet…that being at this state right now is probably not the favorable week to be in this state. 

What the fuck? I feel like I can move on. Scratch that…I know I will move on. BUT WHEN? WHEN can I move on when I feel like I’ve been at this stage and point for a week now…and going…seriously? I haven’t felt like this in a REAL long time. To the point where everything around me reminds me of the situation I’m in. Little things from peoples cars, purple, lighters, EVERYTHING. And its disheartening because I hate feeling this. Feeling like I can’t reason or compromise the situation. I hate this…I hate this part right here as Pussycat Dolls would say. 

WHAT THE FUCK! I feel like a suicidal wreck in that I am just not gonna make it through this week without killing myself (not literally gezz). I just don’t like this schedule…Starting off Monday by opening at Jamba was not what I call…a great start to the week. Especially since I feel so crappy. In addition, I just kept on falling asleep in my classes. REALLY though…I’ve never slept this bad in any of my classes. I could at least control it, but its just been SOOOO BAD that this thing…whatever the fuck this thing is thats messing me up…has just fucked up my whole routine. 

Its not so much about a person whos making me feel this way, but rather the situation. The factors that play in this is just totally fucked up. And though I might tell myself…I wouldn’t change anything if I could…I probably would take a rain check on this for another time. This is bullshit and thats all I can say. 

I can’t believe its gotten to me this bad. This feeling of feeling like a dumb ass. Feeling so uncontrollably emotionally wrecked, feel me? Like I don’t know what to do with my life. When I wake up every morning…I feel like I’m wasting it…I feel like I don’t have my priorities in check…I feel like I messed up a month worth…where I could have done something more productive. 

WHAT…the fuck…

Its gotten to the point where I do want to cry. Maybe even break down…but I’m too tired to shed any tears. Too tired to even speak about how I feel, instead just write them out. It takes too much effort feel me? Especially with judgmental friends that I have (its not a bad thing by the way). I just feel like …I lost a lot of me in this process. I LOST a HUGE PART of my individuality…like who the fuck is Joaquin? CUASE I SURE DONTLIKEJOAQUIN! Feel me…

I fucking screwed myself over with this whole business. I screwed myself over and I feel like shit. I feel like this because I put myself in this position where I am complaining and ranting on and on about the same fucking situation/emotion that I have been for the past week. I feel like I’m not even myself…I feel like in a way…a small way…I’m being fake with the folks around me. TRYING TO SMILE…when I know everything is fucked up inside. I try to avoid it…but moments when I am left alone with my own thoughts…get the best of me.

WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK!?

I need to check my life…start folding my laundry…clean my act…start moving to a better place…because the place I’m at is dark and lonely…and you know what happens when we’re in that situation…

ITS TAKES A LONG FUCKING TIME TO GET OUTTA IT…

I got a ticket out…I’m taking the next train and getting the fuck outta this bullshit.

October 13, 2008

Democrats vs Republicans part II

This is what I call, “people need to stop looking at the past, but rather look how the present will affect the future.” Put aside politics for a moment and take a look at what you see and hear. You see two candidates who really want this presidency and for one, its a closer reality than his opponent. I read how McCain doesn’t even look at Obama during debates, a sign that he’s arrogant and he has no respect whats so ever for his opponent. Also, he’s already lied to this country when he was asked to pay a visit to the Letterman show…he said he had to do some campaign shit…So why the hell was he next door getting “a better interview” from a “better reporter” or whatever the hell it was. Goes to show that McCain ain’t for the people…hes not one of us…hes too good to be one of us. What kind of candidate does that? Also, his VP doesn’t seem to be doing so hot. Yeah shes a hot mama, but a misguided candidate whos in this election for all the wrong reasons. Change? I don’t think so.

She doesn’t even believe in abortion if and when a woman gets raped. Now to me, thats just some bullshit. Why you gonna carry your rapists baby? Absurd…some republicans are absurd. Recently, I just watched a video on some of the McCain/Palin supporters on youtube…Yeah its propaganda and one sided, but really though…people can be MAJOR idiots when they have no idea what the hell they’re supporting. Its like agreeing to something someone said without knowing the consequences of your agreement. Much like this race for the white house. Folks don’t want to do their research, they just listen or watch what they see in the media.

Take for example, my mom. Shes only voting for McCain because theres a woman running beside him. I told her that if she votes for him, my education will be in more danger for the future. She didn’t care…”der is a woman. Bahala ka jan!” As much as I wanted to tell her that her choice for this years election to vote for McCain is going to be the biggest mistake she’ll ever make…she wont listen. Shes stubborn. She also doesn’t like African Americans -_-. 

Fact of the matter is, Democrats for this election have been nothing but classy and have been inviting folks to really look into their campaign, rather than propagate why people should vote democrat this time around…I think its an obvious choice regardless. Republicans are getting worried that they wont have power in the senate, house, and yes…the country – leaving them with only one choice – to make Obama look like an idiot and spend countless of money on advertisement against Obama. To be honest, some Republicans think like the Old Red Necks you hear and watch in movies and TV shows…-_- 

Their policies, there stance on certain topics, whatever it may be…I think we can see the favorable victor in this years election. I pray…this time America wont be stupid enough to pick a candidate who will most definitely set back America even more. 

Vote for your future. Vote for the next generation. Vote for your family. Vote for change. Vote for something real.

VOTE OBAMA 2008

Plain and simple.

October 13, 2008

Disappointment comes easy

I don’t understand what has gotten to me. Honestly, this is the worse I’ve ever been as far as my studies go. I don’t get why I am procrastinating the way that I am. I usually am on top of things, even my friends know that. I’m usually ahead of the game or at least close to it. SO…I am still on this paper…what the fuck am I doing? JOAQUIN? WHAT THE FUCK? In addition, I’ve missed four masses already…I think it has a lot to do with religion and me not asking God to help me in this difficult situation that I’m in. 

I hate giving up, but I am giving up quickly. I don’t know what to do anymore…but try and just sleep. I’m lacking that…sleep is something that I really crave…more than ever. Unfortunately, these past days, I haven’t been able to get any rest. Naps here and there, but for the most part I’m still tired…I mean, take for instance my laundry…sitting in front of me…not folded yet…real talk…it would have been folded already…I don’t wait this long to not fold my laundry…now I just don’t have any motivation to fold cause I’m extremely tired.

I have to study real hard this week. I have a midterm this Thursday and I have yet to catch up on any readings in any of my classes. I still am dreading this paper which I have yet done…I’m close to it, but my brain and motivation to do this paper isn’t there. I swear its seasonal depression…this is real bad cause its come to the point where I only eat one meal a day, mope around and procrastinate on things I shouldn’t be. It sucks because as much as I care about my education…my health is more of a priority…however…I’m not really addressing it the right way other than therapeutically blogging how I feel. 

I can write and write about endless nonsense on this blog, yet I can’t find the words to write my 10 page paper…

I’m sooo fucking depressed…as much I don’t want to admit it to myself…I REALLY AM DEPRESSED….I need medication…I need help…I feel so off…something isn’t right with me anymore…I’m completely missing a huge half of me…where did it go???

FUCK…I don’t know…I’m going to fail this semester…

October 12, 2008

Colbie

Take time to realize
Oh-oh I’m on your si-i-i-de
Didn’t I, didn’t I tell you.
Take time to realize
That this all can pass by
Didn’t I didn’t I tell you

But I can’t spell it out for you, 
No it’s never gonna be that simple
But I can’t spell it out for you.

If you just realized what I just realized
Then we’d be perfect for each other 
And we’d never find another
Just realized what I’ve just realized
We’d never have to wonder if
We missed out on each other but.

October 12, 2008

FUCKKKKKKK

This video is beautiful. FOREAL…damnit, I kinda teared up. FUCKKKKK. UGHHHHH…-_- the video just gets to me…so many fucking reasons why…but fuckk….AHHHH

 

I can’t feel defeated if I already lost before I started. 

 

You try to be the “friend”. You try to be the “bigger person”. You try to do shit because you know its in your best interest to make “peace”. When actually…its make things worse. Aight…I’ll give you want you want and if that means I lose, then be it.

October 12, 2008

Heart Of The Matter

I got the call today, I didn’t wanna hear
But I knew that it would come
An old true friend of ours was talkin’ on the phone
She said you found someone
And I thought of all the bad luck,
And all the struggles we went through
How I lost me and you lost you
What are these voices outside love’s open door
Make us throw off our contentment
And beg for something more?

I’ve been learning to live without you now
But I miss you sometimes
The more I know, the less I understand
All the things I thought I knew, I’m learning them again
I’ve been tryin’ to get down to the Heart of the Matter
But my will gets weak
And my thoughts seem to scatter
But I think it’s about forgiveness
Forgiveness
Even if, even if you don’t love me anymore

These times are so uncertain
There’s a yearning undefined
And people filled with rage
We all need a little tenderness
How can love survive in such a graceless age
And the trust and self-assurance that lead to happiness
They’re the very things we kill, I guess
Pride and competition cannot fill these empty arms
And the work they put between us,
You know it doesn’t keep us warm

I’ve been trying to live without you now
But I miss you, baby
The more I know, the less I understand
And all the things I thought I figured out, I have to learn again
I’ve been tryin’ to get down to the Heart of the Matter
But my will gets weak
And my heart is so shattered
But I think it’s about forgiveness
Forgiveness

Even if, even if you don’t love me anymore

All the people in your life who’ve come and gone
They let you down, you know they hurt your pride
Better put it all behind you; cause life goes on
You keep carrin’ that anger, it’ll eat you up inside

I wanna be happily everafter
And my heart is so shattered
But I know it’s about forgiveness
Forgiveness
Even if, even if you don’t love me anymore

I’ve been tryin’ to get down to the Heart of the Matter
Because the flesh will get weak
And the ashes will scatter
So I’m thinkin’ about forgiveness
Forgiveness
Even if you don’t love me anymore

October 12, 2008

India

I forgot how good you felt
When you told me all the things that I thought I forgot
I love the music you bring to my life
Your lyrics are ever so bright
I feel every part of my body move
My heart skips when I hear you
Thanks for reminding me of what I know
For this was something that was lost long ago
But now I’ve found peace
In you, I will
You’ve set me free.

Dedicated to you!

October 12, 2008

im stupid…

I fucked myself over these next two days…ugh -_- REAL TALK!

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