An on going lesson

I’ve been well you know, not the best lately. Due to recent events, I’ve just been a hot mess. To add, I’ve just been not keeping up with my studies. Luckily for me, the semester has just begun. I’m confident that I’ll be able to get out of this “mess”. I’m confident that I’ll be able to make it through this semester, but its just right now…right now feels like an eternity. When I look at the kick off of my semester, I look at how hard it has been unlike any other. Financially, emotionally, and physically draining. Life isn’t a piece of cake, its more like a piece of shit. It piles up, the problems…the worries…the feeling of defeat. But I guess thats how life is, it brings you down when you’ve reached the top to keep yourself on your toes. To keep yourself grounded. Sometimes you gotta get your bubble popped. 

Work has just been a place for me to ponder about my thoughts and filter my emotions. At times, I loose myself in fantasy while at work and get into my own zone. What if, this and that, thoughts just accumulate and depending, it could be good or bad. I remember when I was in it too deep with the guy I liked in the summer, I was a hot mess feeling so sad at work and couldn’t function. It was all bad. Today, I was thinking about this guy who I could have had, he was about 26 or so. He was established, had a nice car, I believe his own house, and he was trying to get at me but I wasn’t having any of it cause I decided immature stupid boys were my fancy. When I look back at it…I was stupid not to go for it. He was attractive, had a great job, and possibly could have taken real good care of me. A few months later…I find that hes with someone else. DUMB DUMB! Missed opportunities are the worse, especially when you know you coulda gotten it. 

On a different note, I feel asleep REAL bad at church today. I couldn’t keep my eyes open. I hardly heard what the priest was saying during his homely. =/ It got to the point where I had to leave church because I didn’t want to be disrespectful. I guess being tired + depression = not being able to function correctly. Is it the season? What is it!? I find that every fall semester a character from my past comes back. Recently that was the case. I was like…wow…wth…I haven’t talked to you in like 2 years. Weird. Or there would be instances where they come in and say hello and goodbye. Those are the worst. 

Unfortunately, I am once again procrastinating on a paper for my design class. You’d think I’d be on this design business, but I’m more whatever about it…sigh… especially since the paper is about me. Who likes writing about themselves? Honestly. Sigh…I’ll cut it here..

OH thanks for those who have been commenting…I just wish I could hit you all back, mmm maybe I’ll start commenting back on the bogs. Shrugs who knows. But thanks =] I love the feedback. 

One Comment to “An on going lesson”

  1. i feel somewhat like that too..
    recently ive been isolating myself at my room, maybe because of the things thatd hapened to me for the past weeks, i havent gone to any of my class last month for one week, which are easy subjects, instead i spent that whole week drinking with my friends and slumbering at my room, when ive gone to class the following week, mann! im FAILING .. i have realized that these friends of mine are not a good influence to me, so instead of going with them after class, ill be going home and study, the thing is i feel guilty bec theyre my bestfriends and im like not doing my part for them as their bestfriends, right now i feel like emotionally, physically thorned bec im not with them, at the same happy slowly im gattin my grades back =)

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