Archive for September 20th, 2008

September 20, 2008

Exceptionally changed

Isn’t it funny how we make exceptions for the ones who we like, love, want? You’re whole way of living/life is altered to just accommodate for that one person. Why do we do it? Because we like, love, want that persons attention. We need it and wouldn’t mind making any alters in our schedule for them. Even the basis of our morals and values are compromised at times. However, there are folk who really want us. Who want our attention. Who actually want to get to know us, love us, like us…but we don’t give them the time of day nor care for them as much as we care for that one person we’re trying to pursue. 

Even if they say the meanest things, do the rudest things, act a fool towards you – that doesn’t matter. But like I said, if it was any other person, we probably would drop them with a quickness. 

The fact of the matter is these exceptions or accommodations we make hurt us in the end. We never learn from the mistakes that we end up making because of this midset…sometimes…its so built into us…that we can’t change back. 

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I don’t know whats going on in my head right now. I don’t feel, again, motivated to do anything. I want to rot and just lay in bed to not worry or do anything. I just want to sit in my room…and just stay there…no interactions with the world…nothing. I’m fearing myself more and more each day…real talk…I’m fearing that I’m getting too soft…opening up too quick…being the Joaquin I use to be. I don’t understand it…I don’t get why I’m letting these folks just take over the way I feel. TAKE MY OWN ADVICE AND LISTEN TO WHAT I TELL OTHERS JOAQUIN: DON’T EVER LET A MAN GET THE BEST OF YOU! But tell me why tears build up in my eyes and emotions just build inside waiting to be poured out.

I’m a fucking gem! I’m a fucking dime! I’m a fuckingggg treasure to find. YET, no ones uncovering this treasure…no one cares to – and if they do…they’re not the one I’m looking for to uncover me. REAL talk….I sound picky…but I rather be picky and know what I want, instead of continuously investing my time on folks who in the end turn out to be a waste of my time. Again…Exceptions…

I’m a fucking mess right now. I feel like I did a few months ago…where my days were bummed…Where I couldn’t lift my head up high…SIGH…I’ve been getting back into that emo stage. Is it because I really do know what I want this time and when I find it and don’t get it…it hurts? Is that the reasoning? WHAT THE HELL!? 

Pieces me of me! PIECES OF ME!