Archive for September 8th, 2008

September 8, 2008


I’ve been so MIA on youtube its ridiculous! Luckily for me, I’m okay with it. I’ve been having urges to just do a vlog or a video, but I’m like…nah I’m coo off of that right now. I guess I wasn’t lying in saying that I’d be busy once school begins. Its crazy because I’m have a slow start right now, but my weeks ahead will be jam packed full of reading and projects. Speaking of which, I am very much behind on doing my DAI project due on Tuesday -_- UGHHH. I am overwhelmed…being that its almost 4am on Monday…you can say that I am even more overwhelmed. Dammmmmm-it! haha.

Its been an eventful few weeks here in the city, most recently in fact. Partying like theres no tomorrow has been a recent habit of mine and my friends. But its well deserved right? (Yes Joaquin! haha)

Anyway, what really impelled me to write a blog is the fact that I’m stuck with not knowing what to say for tomorrows pace open house. Honestly, thats shocking. I guessed I procrastinated in doing this because I felt I could just conjure up something like *snap* that, unfortunately its 4am like I said, with nothing but blank pages. SIGH. Additionally, a shocking turn of events while staying on aim tonight…

Josh mother fucking Perion IMs me. Who the hell is that? He is the guy I had the fattest crush on during my Sophomore-Junior year in HS – oh did I mention hes straight? MAN…oh man. So it made me smile and made me turn my head because it was like …WTF? Unexpected. Flashes of Josh and I came back and I’m like WOW…just taken a back. Josh Perion! WTF? So I tell him my updated life and how I’m up trying to figure out what to say in tomorrows open house. Tell me why he’s like giving me advice on what to do and like complimenting me on how he remembers how well I did speeches and shit. I’m like – REAL fucking talk? He was being real fresh with me that I remembered how much I fell for his personality and how I eventually had the biggest infatuation with him in hs because of it. UGH…straight people…I hate yal mother fuckers. haha. I swear, like I say, everyone is gay until proven otherwise. Josh mother fucking Perion…ughh how much did you fuck up my emotions. It all started with him – the first straight guy who gave me those “feelings”. The first straight guy who made me question sexuality. UGH…and his friend Miguel…o m g! ahhhhhhhh haha…I dunno how he looks like anymore, but I hear he looks fuggly. People would say he looked gross or he’d have a bad rep from other folks…but I’d always give him the benefit of the doubt…I dunno why…

I sat in church today and prayed to God once again asking him to help me through the week. Sigh…I cried Saturday night to my friends…I was a very emo drunk…everything and anything sparked emotion and tears…its weird because I had a very fun night…but just things just sparked my emotions that I ended up crying to sleep =/. Emotionally fucked and damaged, I feel like how I interact with others comes off wrong or too forward, considering how fucked and damaged my past has been. I feel I don’t know how to “talk” to a person or “get to know” a person anymore. I feel like…everything is whatever…and the thought of wanting a REAL man to satisfy my needs is nothing more but a fantasy. 

However, I must say, I am happy for my roommate, whos found unexpected romance this past weekend. Since he doesn’t often talk, do, or experience the things I often take for granted, it was cute hearing how he felt and his reactions to the whole thing. Reminiscing back on innocence back in the day sadden me. Oh how I wished I could do things differently. 

On another note, I’ve seriously been getting folks who still say I look like Mitch from Supreme Soul. At the party, some girl was like you look like Mitch…REAL talk…REAL talk stop it! Oh and one of my coworkers found my youtube…she said, “All I got is love for you.” What is that supposed to mean? haha Oh I had a wonderful photoshoot with my roommates and friends recently. I’ll post em soon =P …blah back to the grind…wish me luck. 

PS. Thanks for those who view this page and comment. I really do appreciate the feedback and love =]. Especially if its one of my subscribers from youtube. hehe.