my worries become the death of me

 i got a call today from h&m like god told me i would, but it was for powell not stonestown and i was sooo bumbed cause i really needed that job. now it seems like the likeliness of me getting a call is very slim. i had to even think about it over the phone with the woman who called me. i was soooo unsure. i had a choice to stick it through and commute downtown or to not take the risk and just stay at jamba. i took the later. i feel soo ugh right now because this is real hard times on me financially. i cant believe im living pay check to pay check just trying to make my living situation work. this has never happened to me before. i hate feeling like i cant pay for shit. you know? i cant pay for my phone bill, i cant pay for my parking tickets, now i cant pay for my fuckingggg living situation. i feel bad because i dont want eric to think im making him pay for all this shit and get away with it. its not even that. the money that i get in my paycheck is just enough to survive two weeks. actually barely. i think of it as…give him all my money and starve to death or…wait until i can really pay for it…sigh…im feeling soooo ugh right now…mannn

and this finding another job business isnt helping at all. ugh. money truly does matter and it does make you happy…cause right now money is making me real depressed. fuck.

so today kris ann decides to put in her two weeks. i will officially be the oldest team member in jamba. wow…and to top that the other training mentor and cso. the fuckkk. i do not get paid enough at jamba to be doing this. today i was being trained to do a lot of things that i should have already known but noooo i wasnt trained properly. i dont even think its shanes fault either, i just think i wasnt properly trained nah mean? sigh…sooo yeah tasha decided to give me a one on one today blahh…-_- work again tomorrow…SUCKS! i swear -_- fuck. -_-

now on to the real business, i have to do this ncfuckinpac. and honestly, i dont have motivation for it. i mean yeah it was my idea, but im really not on core anymore and yeah i understand that its a core/old core thing, but fuck if yal really wanted it, yal would have updated me on whats going on or told me whats up…not wait until last min. not saying that its last min, but next month is aug. FOReal. so ugh anyway, i just man…im not entirely done with pace. and most of em say fuck a pace, but im stuck in the middle…where i need to help in order to just fuck a pace. ya know. man i did so much for pace that its ridiculous how much bullshit i went through. yeah kno? sigh…man…ok..

i just got home from work…gotta do shit…k peace.

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