Archive for May, 2008

May 22, 2008


i dont need to be a part of this “PRODUCTION” whatevs…-_- lol

May 22, 2008


Ohhhh man, even though finals are over i still have to take care of pace shit. motherfuck. lol not off the hook yet. im like dreadin doing evals…its such a whackkkkjob to do right now. i hate it. and im pretty sure we’ll have to do EVALS for the working departments, but i aint gone trip just yet, ughhh i hate it. it sucks too cause i have to do it on this laptop, where im still not used to how to do things on here. boo fucking whoo…anyway, im tired, yet for the past two days i havent done much but well work…well not necessarily, but yeah…retreat is next week and it hella creeped up on me…next week is june too! UGHH wow…like i said…summer is here…lol. 

how well am i going to keep my goals close to getting accomplished? welll i hope all goes through cause i have more time now =)…i dnno what this blog is about but i just felt i needed to touch base…fuck…i want my grades already lol

May 20, 2008

tired, but sooooooooo relieved

im done son!!! what an amazing feeling to have after a fucking long semester! ughhhhh im done son!!! no more school and no more fucking pace! lol fuckkk summer is here and im looking forward to this summer like no other. some goals i have…

1. work

2. get my car back

3. work out everyday

4. build/get in a relationship

5. family

just to name a few…im sooo friggin excited i think ima pee in my pants. i havent been this happy in awhile. no more fucking late nights, now all i gotta worry is work. fuckkk….i was/am over school. wtf! lol…im so glad! =] thats all i can say 😀

May 18, 2008

my spring time conclusion…

i think after last night, i feel a bit more relieved on how my future is going to look like. being on that stage with the new pace core just made me feel nostalgic for the fact that i am not returning next year. no doubt, i will be involved, but in a different kind. i figured this much, ill be doing well in school, making money, and having more free time to just fuck around lol…winks winks…jp. but i cant stress enough how much im going to miss being on core. this time around ill be missing both the workload and the people. ive done so much for pace that its ridiculous…the things i have done echos and sometimes arent really appreciated. 

who made the myspace? i did, after ed told me it would be a stupid idea. fact of the matter…it has broaden our horizon to communicating with others on a larger scale. that includes facebook too. 

who helped shape kuya/ate? cant say much more than that. 

who was in charge of making sure that general meetings had an agenda? 

who helped make pacetube possible? without my direction and at times editing skills, pacetube wouldnt have been as successful without me

the networking, pr, and just publicity through yahoogroups, emails, and myspace and facebook…things wouldnt have been the same without me

for internship at least, i know i have left my mark. having the first hoorah, internship eval, internship awards, birthday recognition, open communication with professors, slideshow, redefined lgbtqqi, stockton, …i dunno the list could go on, but im just going to leave it at that…

my whole three years at state has been giving back to the community. and now i believe its time for me to give back to me.


faye read my hand and she told me i have commitment issues and i dont settle for one guy. in the middle of my life i find two who i am confused with…but in the end im very happy…

man…she wouldnt be more on point…

love…im sick of it…yet miss it at the same time =/

May 13, 2008


after todays eths studies class, i realized that i have hella shit to do before thursday. since i didnt bother to do the assignment nor readings for that class, im in a way screwed, but i know i can pull it off. i always do anyway. its just the lack of motivation i have for school is really not going away. usually at this time i would be so gungho on doing my work. dont get me wrong, i really am excited to do the papers i need to for my classes, its just theres a lack of drive on my part. i dont get it and i dont understand why ive been feeling this way. last night didnt help either. debates lasted 6 1/2 hours and honestly…was it worth sacrificing my sleep or doing a paper? no it really wasnt. made me realize that yes, i am done with core and fuck that bullshit cause i aint gone have it no more. finally sundays are free and for the most part obligations free too. sigh…i really feel that next year debates should be held either on a saturday or at a time where members can attend and not sacrifice school or sleep because of it. plus it doesnt really promote academic excellence if we as pace say we strive to promote that. ha ha. 

on a different note, i went back home for mothers day and i think it was a good decision. spending time with my mom and fam was cool, even though we didnt do anything. i just think having that space to just be around family was the most important part. my mom basically was wanting me to come home and she even said “please and thank you” to me. haha friggin a. i also was able to attend church after a long absence from it…however, i was dozing off because the sermon was real bland and boring. sigh…but yeah family is good and it looks like my family is starting to get back on its feet with my brother working now. sigh work…

i need to start working more hours, but hours that i can handle on top of walking to and from work. sigh…shits not crackin though…but i gotta hussle right…rent, car, bills…all on my own with that. it sucks too cause i have so many debts to pay that i just want to be like …yo chill until fall aight…i gotchu ma nig. lol haha

this apt man…sitting in the living room looking at this apt…its crazy…its been almost a year since i moved in…man…i still cant believe it…im happy where i am. haha.

schools almost over…wish me luck…i will be taking a quick nap. adios! =] 

May 6, 2008

PCN aftermath

I’m so glad that PCN is finally over. This time around, I think PCN fucked me over. lol real talk. I just haven’t been up to par with my studies whatsoever and I think I’m not going to get the decent grades I usually get despite PCN. Something about it this year just made me just say fuck life and fuck the world. However, I had a wonderful time and have wonderful memories to look back to. After all said and done, PCN this year was amazing and worth my time. I got to act – a bigger role than previous PCNS, dance – ngedek fool lol, and be a part of an amazing innersanctum/core. Held it down yal! 

My term is almost ending if not already and I can’t wait! Honestly, PACE has just taken a big chunk of my academics and have set me back. I mean, I can still be an asset despite not having the title. Besides, I think we have a good bunch of leaders to lead PACE into the next year. I’ll be there no doubt, but I just need to step back and get on with my life…seriously. I mean, I’m so excited for next years classes because I know I wont have to rely on meetings on sunday or general meetings or…any PACE events that I feel obligated to go and help organize. gahhhh I’ve done my part and I’m proud of what I’ve contributed…

Now if I just put that same effort into my studies…I probably would have been able to graduate on time =P BOOO fuckinghoo! ugh…On a different note, money is tight right now and because I haven’t been working a lot due to PCN and school, its been real hard on me, living pay check to pay check. It sucks when you see the rest of your friends have it easy…when you know damn well you’re not on the same boat. sucks too when I don’t currently have a car to get myself to work and have to ask my friends if I can use their car or if they can drop me off…sigh…on top of that my other laptop aint working…on top of that I lost my casio camera -_- ugh…I didn’t like that camera anyway LOL hahah but yeah…the aftermaths of PCN is catching up to me…I have school to worry about, along with CORE, along with retreat and work…shit…

I’ll be fine I know that for sure, but I just wish that there was some heaven sent help…some miracle…something amazing that comes my way…then again I can’t expect that when I haven’t been praying or being a model christian =/ blah. haha…

On another note, I’ve been feeling lonely…I think its because I haven’t had that touch in awhile. Haven’t messed around in awhile…thanks PCN lol =], but I dunno…its like an addiction…when you haven’t done something in awhile…you kind of have a relapse…you know? Sigh…I just need that guy to really be there and be THERE for me. FUCK…what I gotta do nigga hahah

Anyway, I should get to studying…life is getting the best of me 😛 anyway ❤ Some other time